My daughter turned 3 last week and it is like someone flicked a switch and said "OK we got through the terrible twos relatively unscathed so lets really turn it up a notch now that you're three". I'm really big on picking my battles so if she wants to wear clashing clothes, go for it. If she wants to use a spoon to eat spaghetti? No worries. But she suddenly refuses to go to daycare; she won't get dressed, won't let me brush her hair, pulls her shoes and socks off, etc. That is a battle that I can't let her win as I need to get her there on time so I can get to work! There are other times too when I feel that I have no choice other than to disrespect her, like when she doesn't want to sit in her car seat, she wants to sit in a normal seat in the car. I have picked her up and forced her into her seat, with her screaming and kicking the whole time. I don't blame her, I would too if someone was forcing me to sit where I didn't want to sit! I am trying to fix the issue before it becomes an issue, e.g. by getting up 15 minutes earlier so she can have some time to wake up and chill out before she has to get ready, and also to give us some spare time so we're not rushing if she insists on changing her socks. This hasn't really made a difference except that I'm not so worried that we'll be late.
Also another issue is that when she's having a tantrum, she doesn't know what she wants so I don't know how to effectively deal with it. I'm not allowed to talk to her or look at her and definitely can't touch her, but I am allowed to be in the same room. But I'm not allowed to sit down or stand up, and the door can't be open but it can't be shut. Once she has calmed down slightly, I start to say "You must feel really angry when ...... sometimes when I feel angry, I stomp my feet." that usually just has her yelling that "no only children can stomp their feet when they're angry!" or "no I just want to kick you!" I'm really strict on her not hurting anyone, so tell her "I will not let you kick me" and hold her legs or whatever I need to do to stop her hurting me. Obviously holding her legs flares her up again and we're back to square one.
Also we don't do time out, I'll sometimes remove her and I from a situation, e.g. if she won't share or is getting annoyed with other people, her and I will go and sit somewhere quiet until she calms down.
I'm still trying to get my head around discipline while being respectful as I was smacked, had time outs, was sent to bed, etc. when I was a child so this is all new ground for me.
Looking forward to any tips or guidance that you can provide!