DH and I have been going back and forth on this on and off for years. It's mostly mutual that we don't want either side to have the kids.
We have finally agreed on a friend (who we have yet to ask), but how do you deal with the fall out from the families? Or do you just not ever tell them??
I don't think mine would be overly bothered. Not close to them and my sisters are a decade or more older than me with adult children. His family I can see being hurt and upset though. We don't see a lot of his siblings and aren't close, and I wouldn't expect them to leave their kids in our care, but I can see them being offended anyway.
Do you have this conversation with the family and outline your reasons so that they won't potentially fight it if we did both die? Or just hope they accept it and deal with it gracefully??