+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Country WA
    Posts
    6,644
    Thanks
    3,135
    Thanked
    3,028
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Non family Guardian for your kids if the worst was to happen.

    DH and I have been going back and forth on this on and off for years. It's mostly mutual that we don't want either side to have the kids.

    We have finally agreed on a friend (who we have yet to ask), but how do you deal with the fall out from the families? Or do you just not ever tell them??

    I don't think mine would be overly bothered. Not close to them and my sisters are a decade or more older than me with adult children. His family I can see being hurt and upset though. We don't see a lot of his siblings and aren't close, and I wouldn't expect them to leave their kids in our care, but I can see them being offended anyway.

    Do you have this conversation with the family and outline your reasons so that they won't potentially fight it if we did both die? Or just hope they accept it and deal with it gracefully??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,403
    Thanks
    93
    Thanked
    387
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Personally I wouldn't bother bringing it up, chances are it'll never come to light... If it does and it's in a legal will then there's not much they can do. Maybe make sure the person you've chosen to take the kids knows they might be up against some friction and how to best deal with it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    We definitely spoke to both sides of the family. The last thing we want is anyone to contest it if anything happens to DH and I.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (03-03-2016)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    You absolutely must talk to every party involved. This is your kids future here and you don't want them fighting over them or saying no we don't want them. The people you nominate can change their mind so you need to make sure everyone is on the same page here.

    Please talk to all involved and then deal with the fall out

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to lilypily For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (03-03-2016)

  7. #5
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,792
    Thanks
    8,055
    Thanked
    4,145
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    We choose my sister and one of DH's sisters. We spoke to both of them before writing our wills.
    I realise it's different for you - you've selected non family.
    But this thread has reminded me that we've never spoken to anyone else about it. We probably should speak to my Dad and DH's parents so that those with most interest know the deal.

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    11,104
    Thanks
    7,258
    Thanked
    5,872
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 29/5/15Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week100 Posts in a week
    We ok'd it with my parents (who we want DD to go to). When they get too old etc we will look at friends, who we haven't spoken to yet.

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    One thing to bear in mind is setting up trusts for the people you ask to look after your kids. If they don't have the means to take care of them they can apply to have someone else do it and it may end up being someone you don't want.

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (03-03-2016),Californication  (04-03-2016),Gentoo  (03-03-2016),MissMuppet  (03-03-2016),Wise Enough  (03-03-2016)

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,117
    Thanks
    2,910
    Thanked
    3,332
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    One thing to bear in mind is setting up trusts for the people you ask to look after your kids. If they don't have the means to take care of them they can apply to have someone else do it and it may end up being someone you don't want.
    I took out life insurance for this reason. Not that my sister would give them up, but I want to make sure she can devote time to them and not stress about working lots to take care of them.

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I took out life insurance for this reason. Not that my sister would give them up, but I want to make sure she can devote time to them and not stress about working lots to take care of them.
    Exactly. We have 4 kids so to ask someone to take that on is huge. I may think it's a wonderful idea when in fact all I'm going to do is put them in financial distress.

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    138
    Thanks
    81
    Thanked
    57
    Reviews
    0
    DH and I recently did our wills and wanted to have our chosen guardians written into the will. We have our first choice but if they are unable to take the children (only reason likely to be old age or illness) we have a second choice written down.

    However, the solicitor was reluctant to write this in as he said it is basically just writing our wishes (ie not legally bound) so can be contested. We insisted on having it written in so that if it were ever contested in court at least our wishes were clearly written down on paper and signed by us both. Can anyone advise if what we were told is correct? It frightens me to think my children would be fought over.

    Both couples are aware of our choice and have been told that if anyone contests it they are to fight for our children. However we have not told other family our choice as we are concered it could cause 'issues'.
    Last edited by 2giraffes; 03-03-2016 at 20:47.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Have you ever been at your worst
    By RuffledPansy in forum General Chat
    Replies: 294
    Last Post: 02-04-2016, 08:49
  2. good car/van for a family with 4 kids
    By acerbaby in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-04-2015, 22:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Life Fertility
Life Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF specialists offer professional, holistic, personalised options for the treatment of each patient’s specific needs.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!