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  1. #31
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    I would be upset too, it's hard not to feel rejected! I had something similar happen, SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid and hubby to be a groomsmen. We were very happy and of course said yes. Few months later I find out she has gone bridesmaid shopping, why wasn't I invited? Oh yeah she changed her mind and didn't want us in the bridal party anymore but didn't tell us

  2. #32
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    Yep, I got a 'disinvite' to be a bridesmaid, so I totally get it. Yet she still expected my input for wedding flowers, dresses and other stuff. I was so hurt, I very slowly backed out of that friendship. We never fought and I never raised it with her, but I was so sad. I wouldn't have cared if she had never had asked me, but the fact that she did and then took it back, it hurt bad.

    I'm catholic and god parents to me are a very very big deal to me. You have every right to be cut.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just*Ace View Post
    I would be upset too, it's hard not to feel rejected! I had something similar happen, SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid and hubby to be a groomsmen. We were very happy and of course said yes. Few months later I find out she has gone bridesmaid shopping, why wasn't I invited? Oh yeah she changed her mind and didn't want us in the bridal party anymore but didn't tell us
    Eeekkkkkk! That's so rude! I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend once too. She then un-asked me months later - after I'd helped do a lot planning, made invites etc but before we bought dresses luckily.

    Like the poster above, our relationship didn't survive. But that was because she withdrew from me. To this day (some 20 years later) I still don't know why. I can only assume she felt guilty/bad over it. I was deeply hurt and felt used. I'd done so much and spent money to help her and she didn't even say thank you! Told me she needed to cut wedding party numbers as her DH to be only had 1 person. She lied. She went on to replace me with a new work friend.

    I was so hurt and felt used. We had been best friends for years and did everything together. I cried, but told her I understood, and she bolted as soon as she told me. Must have been hard for her, but I don't think she even realised just how gutted I was left feeling.

    So yes OP, I'd be upset too.

  4. #34
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    How did you react when she first asked you? Maybe she thought you didn't really want to be the godparent, you didn't sound very keen on the idea in your first post. You do stress that you aren't really religious so, yeah maybe she saw that you weren't too into the idea and thought she was letting you off the hook not realising it was hurting your feelings. I'd have a chat with her and clear the air.

  5. #35
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    Honestly? I'd be over the moon to get out of it. Being a godparent is an honour, but a hassle. From what I've seen and experienced it really just becomes an obligation to send presents.

    A guardian on the other hand is huge. You should never name someone as a guardian without discussing it with them first and how it would all work. That's actually the biggest honour and responsibility you can give someone.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But then I don't get it? Was there a formal ceremony? If not then did they do anything?

    We have close friends who would always perform that role without a formal title.

    I find this quite interesting as if you're not religious and neither are the parents I can't see what the point is in calling a friend a "god parent". My understanding is it's a role that only exists through christening or baptism. I may be wrong on that.
    Yeah I agree in a way, it's definitely not our approach bit after talking with them about their thinking and beliefs, we decided to go ahead. There was a ceremony, through their church. This couple are also same-s3x and had a wedding ceremony when they got "married" even though that's not formally recognised in our State either, (we were involved in that too) but again it was important to them so of course we (and their families) were all happy to play a part and celebrate with them.

    Anyway we are getting a bit off topic but my thinking is if those things are important to people why not? Who am I to judge?

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bongley View Post
    How did you react when she first asked you? Maybe she thought you didn't really want to be the godparent, you didn't sound very keen on the idea in your first post. You do stress that you aren't really religious so, yeah maybe she saw that you weren't too into the idea and thought she was letting you off the hook not realising it was hurting your feelings. I'd have a chat with her and clear the air.
    Well I told her that I wanted to do it and asked her if she was sure she wanted me given that I'm not that religious. I don't know, we originally talked about it on Facebook so I guess it's easy to misunderstand things. I thought I let her know I was excited but maybe she thought I didn't really want to.

    Anyway, I ended up asking her what the deal was, and it turns out that she actually asked the other couple first. Back when her daughter was born she told them they could have the next one, but then she became close with me so asked me instead. But when her friends visited they asked her about it and she was put on the spot and felt she had to ask them because she had already told them they would be next.
    So I guess there was very little thought put into it all round and it turns out I was actually the one who was asked second. If she had chosen me her other friends would have been left disappointed. It was always going to be a no-win situation.

    She did reiterate the fact that I would be way more involved with the kids and I would still be their guardian should she and her partner die and I am ok with that, we've discussed it before. But I guess it still confuses me why you would choose someone you know is not going to be involved with your kids to be the god-parents over the person who you know is going to be there for them.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    Anyway, I ended up asking her what the deal was, and it turns out that she actually asked the other couple first. Back when her daughter was born she told them they could have the next one, but then she became close with me so asked me instead. But when her friends visited they asked her about it and she was put on the spot and felt she had to ask them because she had already told them they would be next.
    So I guess there was very little thought put into it all round and it turns out I was actually the one who was asked second. If she had chosen me her other friends would have been left disappointed. It was always going to be a no-win situation.

    She did reiterate the fact that I would be way more involved with the kids and I would still be their guardian should she and her partner die and I am ok with that, we've discussed it before. But I guess it still confuses me why you would choose someone you know is not going to be involved with your kids to be the god-parents over the person who you know is going to be there for them.
    It's great that you got it all out in the open.
    Although odd that since your more involved she wouldn't choose you. But as obvious from this thread god parents are looked at differently by all of us, and it seems your friend really was oblivious to the fact she may hurt your feelings by withdrawing the invitation.

  9. #39
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    Yes, I don't think she really meant any harm but she did admit that she knew both of us were expecting to be asked so I have to wonder what she was thinking in the first place lol.
    I'm just going to try not to let it worry me and move on.


 

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