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  1. #81
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    What is

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    What is
    Him leaving.

  3. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I'm thinking that he wants the kids on a 1 week he has them then one week I have them ...so that he doesn't have to pay me any maintenance. ..???
    See a lawyer. Evidence suggests that 50/50 is not healthy for children when there has been domestic violence. Not only that, because you have a history of DV he has reduced chances of getting it if the case went to court.

    ETA this is long, but have a read of this:

    http://australiandivorce.blogspot.co...h/label/Family Law Act

    Children witnessing one parent abuse is counted as family violence.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 18-03-2016 at 19:42.

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    I think he's trying to wig you out with that OP. It's another way of him trying to control/stress/worry you. Take it one step at a time.

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  7. #85
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    given his history and what he has put you through I would NOT be agreeing to 50/50 custody

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  9. #86
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    I don't think I'd let him have the kids for a week to begin with.

    Please please please see a lawyer before speaking to him again.

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    Summer  (18-03-2016)

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    In addition to seeing a lawyer, I would strongly suggest you just take some timeout and to give both yourself and the kids time to recover and just be before having him take the kids. I wouldn't consider sending them until he gets back from overseas. There will be plenty of time to sort out custody arrangements in the future.

    Think what is best for the kids long term and don't let him bully you into anything that you feel is not in the kids best interests.

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  13. #88
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    @RuffledPansy I have to agree with the sentiment that everyone has expressed here on this thread - that this is the best thing that could have happened, and now you have the opportunity to make some big changes in your life. He's actually given you a gift. It might be very hard to see right now, but we can see it, (some of us have been there) and you have to trust that this is all working out for the best.

    @SSecret Squirrel has written a brilliant lot of information there for you to go through. If I was you I would print all those points out and start checking them off one by one. Get legal advice ASAP and do not agree to anything with your DH at this stage. Tell him you are dealing with your hurt feelings and need some space for a little while and you'll sort things out with him when he gets back from his holiday. Hopefully that will sound non-threatening enough for him to back off and leave you alone for a while, thinking that you'll be there for him when he gets back - except you won't. In the meantime you can go through that list and start getting everything together so that you feel like you are in control and have a plan to move forward with. I agree that counseling is essential and you need to have someone in your corner while you work through this.

    I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship for four years. He stripped every ounce of self-esteem and self-worth from me and drove me to the brink of suicide. They aren't worth it. It took me a long time to heal those wounds, but when I look back now I cannot believe that I stayed with him and put up with the torture that I did. Sometimes you have to be out of it for a while and trust that you will be OK, before you can truly realise how bad it has been. I know that you will look back with relief that this happened. I really believe that.

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  15. #89
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    I thought he didn't want to be in contact until the weekend?

    You don't need to sort the custody stuff out straight away. It's not just about what he wants. He can wait.

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    Do I have to physically go into Social Security or can I ring ...
    I can't afford time off ...


 

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