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  1. #311
    kiwimum890's Avatar
    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Yes I think I get what you mean ...
    I just wanted to add that you kids will probably have a fair idea of what is going on anyway, especially the older ones and I am sure that in a few months time they will be happy having their happy mum back, you just need to get things in motion and telling the kids makes it a bit more final so I get that you are hesitant and think it should be him that should do it but much better coming from you instead of him...

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    By you telling them, he won't be able to avoid any responsibility.

    If your kids ask you questions you can't answer on his behalf, you can easily tell them that you don't know why dad did xyz either, but they can ask him next time they see him if they like.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 29-03-2016 at 19:52.

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  4. #313
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    Yes you tell them or he will spin it his way. He could say mum threw me out, then it's your word against his. Definitely get in first. Say you guys have split up and he's moved out but will still be a big part of their lives.

    Also no offence, but I think your kidding yourself that he hasn't already cheated. Away on business a lot, drink and unhappy in his marriage???? Sounds like a perfect storm for cheating. But I still think cheating is irrelevant, it's your happiness which is important.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I feel like you're being a little petty about the phone call thing to be honest and I wonder if subconsciously you know it's a way to hurt him? Him maintaining regular contact with his kids is the one redeeming feature I've heard about this guy.
    This.

    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    That's why the phone calls are so short and sweet..it just hurts that he does this to his kids ...right or wrong that is how he makes me feel..
    Or is it that it hurts you? Look I know he's a tool, but he could not call at all which would actually hurt them?

    I still think the reason you haven't done anything is bc deep down you suspect he'll come crawling back after his trip and you'll take him back. You are just marking time waiting for him. I feel given that fact that any words of wisdom or advice I have are pointless.

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    OP. You NEED to tell your kids what is going on. Aren't they older? So they probably have some idea, or at least an idea that something is wrong. Which is worse usually, as kids imaginations can think of all kinds of crazy things about 'what is wrong with mum'.


    Re. the phonecall... very petty. You seem upset not about him speaking to the kids, but about the fact that he is out having fun doing whatever he's doing, gets to have a nice phonecall and then carry on with his fun, while you are stuck at home. Unfair? yeah probably, but you just have to suck it up and deal with it. If the kids are happy that their dad is ringing regularly as he always does, well that is a good thing!
    Also, it's not 'your time'. You have no orders. He is their dad. You cannot seriously expect him to see them on the weekend or fortnightly etc, and have no contact inbetween, especially seeing as he always makes the phonecalls anyway.
    If you feel his phonecalls are disruptive, talk to your lawyer about having set days in the orders.


    Now go and tell your kids what's going on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Yes but it is a very bitter sweet subject knowing that he makes a 5min phone conversation to his kids minutes before he goes to the club and gets drunk and gambles ..
    You need to stop thinking about how he's giving you the ****s (...and 'getting him back' in return) and start thinking about what's in the kids best interests.

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  11. #317
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    @RuffledPansy how did you go at Centrelink today?

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    All fixed and done ..didn't take long at all I was in there for all of 20min ...went to my local office. .

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    Are you feeling more confident in the separation now?

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    Slowly.... I have to be ...

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