RP, my mum left my dad. I don't blame her for it. I thank her for it. Their relationship was toxic. She still loved him, but it was not healthy for any of us to stay there. She had 3 young children, no income, no family near by, no rental history. One day, she packed a few things into a bag, and called a friend and we left. She hadn't made any plans. We had clothing for a few days, my medication, and that was it. She didn't know what to do, or where to go. Not having these things in place made it harder in the end. You've been given great advice about starting points. You have space and time to organise what you need. My mum didn't get that (she left him when he started to have a manic psychotic break - he didn't know he had a mental illness, and was untreated. He had been treating her appallingly for some time though, and I don't even know most of it).
Your kids will not look back on this and hate you for it. I can say this as someone who has been in your kids shoes. My mum does not regret leaving him. She does regret not leaving sooner. Take this opportunity with both hands and make your kids' lives and your life better. It is in your power to do it. Only you can. Your husband is doing his best to stop you through subtle and overt manipulation. Don't let him.