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  1. #221
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    The other week he said that he wanted the kids for a week and I was worried and didn't want him to have them ....and to my joy nothing come of it .
    Well stupid me on Friday asked if he wanted to do something for easter .... (my reasoning ) was so that it was done in my terms ....he said nothing what do you want to do ....
    Then his next text was my Sister wants to come ova on Sunday and see the kids blah blah blah. ..
    Now I may be wrong but I asked HIM what HE was doing ...and straight away his sister gets thrown into the works ...I continued to text him but a said nothing about his sister ...
    So today he turns up and he talks about easter egg hunt etc etc ...and then he says we can do a hunt now and another later because when my sister comes she will have eggs also ...
    I came straight out and said I'm not happy about his sister being included in this and he has cracked the ****s again. ..I'm the ***** etc etc ...
    I said I was making plans with you and I wasn't asked if she could come ova ... (Well I wasn't )
    And things are very negative between us and the last t h ing that I need is to have her here knowing that those two have *****ed about me together and have her hear so early on in with all that has happened ...I'm not here to make her happy ...I can't win ....I regret the whole thing now ..
    Have you contacted legal aide?

  2. #222
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    Unlock horns and stop trying to win. It's stopping you from moving forward.

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  4. #223
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopeful1986 View Post
    Have you contacted legal aide?
    Is legal aide ....in regards to kids ...

  5. #224
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Is legal aide ....in regards to kids ...
    They help with legal issues. Call them and talk to them. That's the only way to get started. Bubhub can offer emotional support, but you need to set the wheels in motion yourself. Stop waiting. And i say that with kindness. You can do this!

    They're likely closed today, but try tomorrow if not tuesday.

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  7. #225
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    RP what is happening is you are contributing to/perpetuating the same conflicts that have existed for years because it is safe for you on some level.

    Why are you inviting him over in the first place? You are giving him power. Forget whether his sister is coming too. Forget Foxtel. It's all peripheral. It's irrelevant.

    There are people on here that have been through what you are about to go through; have felt what you are feeling; that have given time to help you when you have been (understandably) in shock and overwhelmed, have offered advice, given you names of organisations and phone numbers so you don't need to search.

    The message is overwhelmingly unanimous - this is the best thing that could've happened. It's hard and it's scary but you will come out the other side happier and empowered.

    So I'm going to say to you what I said to myself when I was falling in a heap:

    Stand up. Toughen up. Do what needs to be done. Everything else can wait. Grieve later. Sort out your own life and your kids' life. Make a list. Start somewhere. Start anywhere. Just start. Stop throwing up roadblocks.

    I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you can still get out of bed in the mornings after everything you've been through then you are made of tough stuff. Dig deep.

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  9. #226
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    RP what is happening is you are contributing to/perpetuating the same conflicts that have existed for years because it is safe for you on some level.

    Why are you inviting him over in the first place? You are giving him power. Forget whether his sister is coming too. Forget Foxtel. It's all peripheral. It's irrelevant.

    There are people on here that have been through what you are about to go through; have felt what you are feeling; that have given time to help you when you have been (understandably) in shock and overwhelmed, have offered advice, given you names of organisations and phone numbers so you don't need to search.

    The message is overwhelmingly unanimous - this is the best thing that could've happened. It's hard and it's scary but you will come out the other side happier and empowered.

    So I'm going to say to you what I said to myself when I was falling in a heap:

    Stand up. Toughen up. Do what needs to be done. Everything else can wait. Grieve later. Sort out your own life and your kids' life. Make a list. Start somewhere. Start anywhere. Just start. Stop throwing up roadblocks.

    I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you can still get out of bed in the mornings after everything you've been through then you are made of tough stuff. Dig deep.
    This. Please. Listen to this.

    Do not call him. Do not email. Do not text. Do not contact him in any way. Block his number so he cannot call you.

    Call your family now. Or your friends. Tell someone right now.

    Take every important document now and put it in a bag. You need to take copies, get them certified and not let them out of your sight.

    Since you cannot call legal aid/housing until the public holiday is finished you need to start packing. Because you may not have a home tomorrow or next week.

    On Tuesday organise some emergency housing. Call the Salvos, St Vincent De Paul. Get out asap. If you need to move to QLD - do it now. It is school holidays and you can enrol your kids into school for next term.

    And do not talk to him or contact him.

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  11. #227
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    OP I've been thinking how to word this for a few days now, or if even to post as I know you are in a vulnerable position. But I've decided to tell you what I see, hopefully in a respectful way bc I believe you having insight into your relationship dynamics is what is needed to finally claw your way out of this marriage.

    I suspect he will come crawling back after he has spent all the family's savings gambling, partying and possibly sleeping with others (thus why he ended it before he went away - so if you found out it wouldn't really be cheating). I think you suspect and hope that too. That's why you are dragging your feet in moving out. And that's why he hasn't given notice on the house. Even though you said you were 100% leaving him if he went on the trip I don't believe you would have. You both have an unhealthy marriage but subconsciously are still both getting something from one another or you wouldn't have lasted this long. He gets a chef, maid and nanny from you, as well as a source of money to prop up and supplement his gambling and selfish spending. You get emotional and financial security from being with him bc you fear being alone. What you don't understand is that you already are.

    A month from now I see you two back together with the same issues, the same control and hurt. In order for you to ever move forward I really feel you would benefit hugely from seeing a counsellor on your own to delve into the reasons why you stay. You need to build up strength and insight for your kids.

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  13. #228
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    If I had any concrete evidence that he was or had cheated then it would be 100% over no questions. ..

  14. #229
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    So you're willing to put up with him treating you like cr@p, that your son hates him, that you have a disfunctional and toxic relationship from both sides, but you draw the line at cheating? Alrighty then.

    I'm with Del. I think you need counselling to get you out of this destructive cycle. Nothing will change until you come to the realisation the two of you simply do not work as a couple. There's no point staying so you can "win" if you get proof he has cheated. Yes, cheating would make him a douche. But so does walking out on his family OP. The lack of respect he has for you and your marriage should be enough for you to walk out with your head high. He's left you for convenience, so he can ***** around on holiday. You can leave him for a better life while he's gone. I don't think you will, but I hope you prove me wrong for your kids sake. And yours. You deserve better.

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  16. #230
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    If I had any concrete evidence that he was or had cheated then it would be 100% over no questions. ..
    Why? So he gives you yet another reason why he's an absolute a$$wipe? You have more than enough reason to leave. If not for yourself, you owe it to your children.

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