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  1. #11
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    Did you ask for help? My husband, who is actually one of the good ones, would expect me to ask for help if I needed/wanted it. I find men aren't that good at reading minds. Maybe ask for his help to figure out if the desk can be fixed.

    He could well be downstairs having a moan that you have the $hits with him. Communication doesn't seem great in this relationship.
    This is exactly what I was going to say. I don't doubt this guy is a d!ck from previous posts but the lack of any kind of communication on either side cannot be helping.
    If you want help. Be specific and ask for it. If he refuses or is mean about it, then sure, that's something to be angry about.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    This is exactly what I was going to say. I don't doubt this guy is a d!ck from previous posts but the lack of any kind of communication on either side cannot be helping.
    If you want help. Be specific and ask for it. If he refuses or is mean about it, then sure, that's something to be angry about.
    Completely agree. I hate it when I'm supposed to guess people want help. My mother was like that and I resented it as a kid.

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    I hope this isn't too harsh but this is genuinely concerning. You two are toxic for each other. I feel really bad for your children.

    If I were you, I'd be keeping the peace until I could sort out my exit strategy. I wouldn't play tit for tat, I wouldn't play martyr, I would avoid being passive aggressive etc you are way too stressed and unhappy, these things only make it worse.

    Focus on your exit strategy, this should be you priority, that and your children.

    I only wish the best for you.

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    Get it off your chest, vent away - if you need to chat on me

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    So how's the exit plan going for April?

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    I agree that the children need to be kept away from the fighting but telling the OP she should have asked for help when it was obvious she was physically struggling to hold something up isn't helpful. Unless I read the OPs thread incorrectly.

    OP continue to vent away if it helps you get through to April when you will leave. I really hope you de leave then as its your best opportunity to do so.

    I understand it must be hard to be doing through this but what I do agree with what a few PPs have said is that you need to make the time until then more bearable for yourself and your children, so you need to stop baiting him. I'm not saying you did that in this country instance but from past posts it sounds like you purposely do things you know will **** him off and cause him to become even more of a ****** towards you and so you do them as a form of trying to show yourself you can stand up to him then not care if he insults you, but it in fact just gives him more opportunities to verbally and emotionally abuse you, which makes it harder and harder to leave. You need to try and make things easier on yourself, so keep your eye on the prize and just try and survive the best you can until April when you can leave and be free of this horrible excuse of a man.

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  10. #17
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    I wasn't baiting anyone ...I was putting up a desk ....it collapses. ...I was hurt that he didn't offer any help whatsoever. ..
    It was heavy bloody heavy and he played dumb...

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I wasn't baiting anyone ...I was putting up a desk ....it collapses. ...I was hurt that he didn't offer any help whatsoever. ..
    It was heavy bloody heavy and he played dumb...
    Why didn't you ask for help before you started? You were sarcastic when he did ask what was going on. I wouldn't want to help you either. Just tell him what help you wanted. You are doing yourself no favors. Ask him to help you figure the desk out.

    I think you need to see a psychologist to help you to develop strategies to stop making yourself the victim. Simple things like telling him directly what you want could make a bit of difference to your happiness. It seems clear that you won't leave him so concentrate on making things a bit better.

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    You didn't ask for help. He can't read your mind. Start communicating!

  14. #20
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    I get it. You want to have the sort of marriage where he'll automatically offer to help without you having to ask, or better yet, do it for you as a loving husband would.

    You don't have that marriage. He's not suddenly going to turn into the man you want him to be. Expect the worst. Ask for help. Offer gratitude when he does. The rest of the time just go to your happy place and visualise your future where you are free and happy, and ignore his bull$hit.

    Please, though, try and remember that it hurts kids to see their mum and dad treat each other like crap. Lots of us here know how long lasting that impact can be. I'm not guilting you because I'm sure you know that, just try and bear it in mind and let that motivate you to be a strong woman who rises above petty insults (whether delivered or received). Hope you have a better day today.

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