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  1. #131
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    OP, I've just read through your thread. I'm so sorry you're hurt and confused, but I do agree that you need to take this opportunity in both hands. I also think that you've been given great advice I terms of what to do next.

    Also, what is easier for the kids doesn't necessarily translate to what is best. You've already said your eldest kids don't like him, which indicates to me that maybe your DH having the kids full time would not be best for them. You can do this. I know it is hard and scary, but you can do this.

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  3. #132
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    If you're over him making the rules, stop giving him the power to do so. Do not leave your children, you need them as much as they need you.

    I had a horrible break up about 7 months ago. It's taken me a long time to get healthy but I feel so empowered. You can do this.

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  5. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Is it being a bad Mum that I have actually contemplated giving him the kids full time ..I am just so confused and ****ed and hurt and over him making the rules ...I feel really bad for doing so ..but I was thinking that it would be easier for the kids ...😕
    I thought your kids didn't like him? And that he belittles and verbally abuses them at times also? Not to mention he abuses their mother.
    So no, giving the kids to him full time does not sound like a good idea.

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  7. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Is it being a bad Mum that I have actually contemplated giving him the kids full time ..I am just so confused and ****ed and hurt and over him making the rules ...I feel really bad for doing so ..but I was thinking that it would be easier for the kids ...😕
    It doesn't make you a bad mum. It seems to me you've just been worn down by him.

    As a pp said you need your kids, they need you.

    Think of it this way.. It will be very disruptive for the kids to go to a new place for a week. You said they're in school? If they're old enough, maybe they won't even want to go anyway? And he's going away in a couple of weeks? So what then? No. It just all sounds like selfish, bratty "I want" behaviour on his part.

    Try to shut yourself off from his 'requests'. I would seek legal advice first hung in the morning.

    Put your kids and you first.

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  9. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I thought your kids didn't like him? And that he belittles and verbally abuses them at times also? Not to mention he abuses their mother.
    So no, giving the kids to him full time does not sound like a good idea.
    Oh wasn't aware of this. Definitely don't send them away for a week. What a jerk.

  10. #136
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    OP I have read through this thread and have this to say, get up off the floor and call CL! You need to be strong right now! Nobody on this forum can do any of this for you, you are a grown woman and you need get a list together using all the previous posters suggestions as a guide and start ticking them off.

    Sure, if you think he is the more stable parent, yep pack them all up now and send them on their way, BUT do you really think that? If not, I think you need, as others have suggested and sort out appropriate visitation when he is back from his trip.

    It's really time to get real about your situation, he has done you a favour, no more excuses, get your list together and get your new life started. It's the only way.

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  12. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    If you're over him making the rules, stop giving him the power to do so. Do not leave your children, you need them as much as they need you.

    I had a horrible break up about 7 months ago. It's taken me a long time to get healthy but I feel so empowered. You can do this.
    Sorry, don't want to hijack this thread but just wanted to say I remember what happened, and I'm so glad you are doing well. X

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  14. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Do not listen. Do not answer calls. Just ignore him for now.
    Yes. There is no point answering phone calls from an abusive ex who is still trying to control you. He can talk to your lawyer (do you have legal aid yet OP?)

  15. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    Sorry, don't want to hijack this thread but just wanted to say I remember what happened, and I'm so glad you are doing well. X
    Thanks Olive Oil 😊

    I still have my dark days but for the most part life is good!

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  17. #140
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    please do not give your children to a man who verbally and emotionally abused the lot of you, I know its hard right now (ive been there) but you can do this, if you give your children to him full time you lose them, end game.
    Even once youre more stable he will still have them, your children need a parent who isnt abusing them

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