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  1. #121
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    I just feel like now that he has walked he is still dictating what I can do ...

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I just feel like now that he has walked he is still dictating what I can do ...
    Do not listen. Do not answer calls. Just ignore him for now.

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    VicPark  (20-03-2016)

  4. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I just feel like now that he has walked he is still dictating what I can do ...
    He can't.

    ETA now he has walked out, it is all about what is best for the kids, not him. Sounds like he is in for a rude shock.

    If you haven't already gotten your hands on a copy of Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" I would strongly suggest you do so.

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    sashas girl  (20-03-2016)

  6. #124
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    Please get advice from a lawyer on Monday asap. Don't agree with anything he asks for at all.

    Refuse to take his calls until after you have spoken to a lawyer.

    Given his behaviour I would put getting legal advice before sitting on the phone to centrelink. You can start most applications for payments through Mygov online, do that tonight.

    He may and probably will try and dictate what you can and can not do. Let him have his say, keep a record of it in a diary. You can't control what he does and says but you can control your reaction and actions.

    Don't hand the children over until you have spoken with a lawyer. Let the school know that if he comes to pick them up you are to be contacted straight away (they can't stop him taking them, but they can contact you).

    I handed my children over to my ex for a fortnights visit and didn't see them for 6 months so please, please go to a lawyer.

    I'm sorry you are going through this, it is hard and I hope you have some support for you and your children.


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    SSecret Squirrel  (20-03-2016)

  8. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I just feel like now that he has walked he is still dictating what I can do ...
    He can't dictate to you unless you choose to let him. You need to reclaim your power Luv & stop being a doormat for him to wipe his feet all over.

    You have an opportunity now to break away for good. I know it's not easy but you can do this. He thinks you can't....but you can if you do everything the right way.

    There's help out there for you but you have to reach out & take it ok?? When you ring Centrelink ask to see a Social Worker as they can push things through quicker plus have access to a lot of resources to help you through.
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 20-03-2016 at 15:28.

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  10. #126
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    op your ex will not just 'get' 50/50 custody, unless you agree that is NOT how it works, he will have to fight, hard and it can take YEARS and a **** ton of costs (my friends have just gone through this)

    he would get 1 night, maybe 2 *if* he is consistent with the visits,
    without court orders you *can* move but he *can* apply for relocation orders and have the kids forcibly moved back,

    Without court orders frankly with his history I would be cutting all contact and telling him you will discuss child access AT mediation WHEN it happens without court orders he can take your children and go and you would have to fight the courts to get them back (please do this AFTER you have had appointments with a solicitor)

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  12. #127
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    You planned to leave when he went on his trip anyway, which is only a few weeks away so put into action the plan that you would have had a fortnight from now. Given you were leaving if he went on the trip, which you knew he would, this is really a gift. You feared his reaction to ending the relationship but he has ended it.

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    gingermillie  (20-03-2016)

  14. #128
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    Is it being a bad Mum that I have actually contemplated giving him the kids full time ..I am just so confused and ****ed and hurt and over him making the rules ...I feel really bad for doing so ..but I was thinking that it would be easier for the kids ...😕

  15. #129
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    So sorry you are going through this RP, I think in your mind you had this one thing that you had power over and that was catching him out and being able to end it once you busted him but he has even managed to take that power away from you too...

    I know it is probably extremely hard right now but at least he has done it because then you can be free of him!

    There is some VERY useful advice in this article about how to deal with a narcissistic ex....I hope it helps.

    http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/5-c...arcissistic-ex

    Please listen to the lovely ladies on bubhub who have been giving you support and encouragement throughout this (which is more than you ex) I hope you find the strength to put one foot in front of the other and get the legal, financial and custody arrangements sorted, you and most of all your children deserve to be HAPPY!!!

    Big hugs xxx

  16. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Is it being a bad Mum that I have actually contemplated giving him the kids full time ..I am just so confused and ****ed and hurt and over him making the rules ...I feel really bad for doing so ..but I was thinking that it would be easier for the kids ...😕
    What reason do you think they will be better with him?

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    Nemmi1987  (21-03-2016)


 

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