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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Realistically he would pick them at after school care so he would do ....pick up/shower/dinner/bed....
    They go to school ...he goes to work then same again he would have them Monday till Sunday on Sunday he would drop them back home to me ...
    I have never been without them that long ...
    Its designed to make you feel worried. He's saying it to destabilise you and assert control from a distance. Stay focussed and try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Make the phone calls you need to make tomorrow and then take the next steps.

  2. #112
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    Big hugs OP. You're dealing with a nasty piece of work.

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Realistically he would pick them at after school care so he would do ....pick up/shower/dinner/bed....
    They go to school ...he goes to work then same again he would have them Monday till Sunday on Sunday he would drop them back home to me ...
    I have never been without them that long ...
    This gut feeling you are having right now - trust it.

    I can see you hesitating and I think its because your gut is telling you no.

    Please listen to it. Get some legal advice first. And centrelink. Then you can discuss interim orders for the kids.

  4. #114
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    In the absence of parenting orders explicitly stating otherwise, my understanding is that there is no requirement in the law for parents to tell each other their address. The fact they are with their parent is apparently good enough.

    @RuffledPansy in addition to legal aid, you could try phoning the Family Relationship advice line:

    http://www.familyrelationships.gov.a...s/default.aspx

    They have a service where lawyers will phone you back and answer your queries. The calls are timed and a max of 15 minutes I think, but if you are experiencing difficulty getting advice quickly they may be a good alternative.

    I would strongly suggest you do not send the kids for a full week. It will set a precedent, and when you go to mediation and if he is requests 50/50 and mentions that you have already agreed to him having them for a week, you will need to show what has changed. Given the history of abuse in the relationship, it is perfectly reasonable to say you do not agree to a week from the outset. Early on I was given the advice that it is much easier to add time than take it away. eg start off small one / two nights at a time. If it works well then build up.

    ETA if I was in your shoes, I would be telling him you will be discussing care arrangements when he gets back from his holiday. Just tell him the kids are very delicate after him walking out and it would be better for them to let the dust settle first and you think overnights are too disruptive at this stage. Tell tell they need to settle into a predictable pattern to feel safe and him going oversease will prevent that from happening. Tell him you will discuss when you get back and not before then. I would be trying to put the blame back on him (but I can be a b!tch like that). If you can stand it, tell him to come and visit them on the weekend.

    FWIW my exdh had no overnights for the first 3/4 months. He was not set up to have them ie no beds and I found out later he was permanently drunk and was passing out on the floor most nights. In hindsight it was a good call.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 20-03-2016 at 13:57.

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  6. #115
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    I just posted a post and I can't find it ...

  7. #116
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    Ok um ...we moved to NSW a few years ago because of his work...we all hate it here ...now that we have split I want to go back to QLD and he said NO if I did that I would be a *****. ...so he can go off and live his life but I have to stay here in this **** hole of a city with no family ...My oldest DD lives in QLD and my oldest DS is moving back at Christmas so I'm ****ed he said that he will do everything to stop me ....so I said ok so what happens if your work wants you to move back to QLD he said then I will move you all up there to be near me....it ****ing Bull**** it's not far why should I have to stay here for now that we have split ...
    Last edited by RuffledPansy; 20-03-2016 at 14:21.

  8. #117
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    OP i am sure this has been said before but keep a diary of all concersations and so on.

  9. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Ok um ...we moved to NSW a few years ago because of his work...we all hate it here ...no that we have split I want to go back to QLD and he said NO if I did that I would be a *****. ...so he can go off and live his life but I have to stay here in this **** hole of a city with no family ...My oldest DD lives in QLD and my oldest DS is moving back at Christmas so I'm ****ed he said that he will do everything to stop me ....so I said ok so what happens if your work wants you to move back to QLD he said then I will move you all up there to be near me....it ****ing Bull**** it's not far why should I have to stay here for now that we have split ...
    Discuss the situation with a lawyer.

    It is true that if you move he can apply to the courts to have you move back, or more to the point the kids.

    Conversely I have heard of it going the other way, women being granted permission by the courts to move interstate. To gain the permission you would need to show how it would benefit the children eg closer to family, better job opportunities for you therefore better life for the kids etc.

    In addition, if he does move, he cannot force you to follow. It is too bad too sad for him.

    ETA I know it is easier said than done, but you really need to put a stop from him trying all the shots. The welfare of the kids is the priority not him. You are their advocate and need to speak up on their behalf.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 20-03-2016 at 14:25.

  10. #119
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    It just seems with him saying this it feels like ...I don't want to be with you but I can move out and get on with my life and do what I want but you can't. ..

  11. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    It just seems with him saying this it feels like ...I don't want to be with you but I can move out and get on with my life and do what I want but you can't. ..
    But you can. He's making you feel like that but it's not the case. You can pack his things and leave them in the garage. You can change the locks. You can keep your kids and call the shot on when and where he sees the kids and for how long (at least in the interim).

    Try and celebrate his departure, it's a gift! It's your get out of jail free card! You're free of him! Take it and run!

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