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  1. #1
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    Default I hate my husband's friend

    My husband has this new friend from work - he has been hanging around for about 12 months now. we have some other friends from my husbands work who we occasionally see. all couples and some couples with young kids like ours.
    This guy is single broke up with girlfriend of about 3 years about 12 months ago. This is going to be a bit of a rant so forgive spelling and grammar.
    The mutual friends from work say they are all mates with him but don't really have anything nice to say about him except when he doesn't have a girlfriend he is your best mate and when there is a girl on the scene you won't here from him for months. I can't really explain but I just hate this guy - here are some things that annoy me, I think maybe I am being a bit unreasonable but I just really hate him. Btw my husband works out of town and also competes
    in sport professionally so he has limited time for both me and our sons, I am pretty easy going so I don't mind the old boys night etc but expect a certain amount of family time.
    This guy comes to our house for a few drinks and then ends up staying the night sleeping in a swag in the car, my husband reckons he feels sorry for him and he doesn't have a wife to pick him up (we live 20mins out of town) so says it is fine for him to stay.
    When he is around my husband doesn't seem to want me or our sons around - normally with his other friends who all have kids bring their wives and kids over as well so we all socialise together.
    This guy keeps asking my husband to go out to pubs etc with him. My husband is 37 married with 2 kids - we don't go out drinking anymore. My husband has gone on a few occasions and hasn't answered his phone when I have called. This never happens....I have also rung this guys phone to try and track down my husband and on one occasion he didn't answer his phone because he knew my number and on the other answered and pretended he didn't know who my husband was.
    He brings my husband takeaway (just enough for him) when he knows my kids and I are home. (This is small thing I know but it's weird) and always does it around meal times so my husband eats with him rather Than having dinner or lunch with us.
    He will walk into my house and not speak to me...
    i am so used to my husbands friends treating me like a queen and with utmost respect, this guy is just so disrespectful.....
    I don't want to tell my husband who he can be friends with...he honestly can't see what I see and thinks that I am it being silly.
    How do I deal with this?

  2. #2
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    No way don't buy take away for just your husband! You either chip in for family meal eg $20 so everyone can have tea if not just buy yourself dinner and don't come.

    Your husband should be showing you respect and tell this guy to **** off.

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  4. #3
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    Default I hate my husband's friend

    Don't get me wrong, he doesn't sound great but it's your DH who is in the wrong here.
    His role is to value his family and it doesn't sound like he is, around this guy anyway.
    This guy is only getting away with things because your DH is accepting or encouraging of it.
    The whole coming into your home and not acknowledging you is not ok. I don't expect to be treated like a queen (whatever that means) by my DH's friends but I do expect respect.

    I think you need to speak to your husband about this behaviour. He's the only one who can change it.
    But also I'd be polite to this guy. He comes into your home - you say hello. Model appropriate adult polite behaviour even if he won't.
    Last edited by TheGooch; 29-02-2016 at 20:32.

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  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    Don't get me wrong, he doesn't sound great but it's your DH who is in the wrong here.
    His role is to value his family and it doesn't sound like he is, around this guy anyway.
    This guy is only getting away with things because your DH is accepting or encouraging of it.
    The whole coming into your home and not acknowledging you is not ok. I don't expect to be treated like a queen (whatever that means) by my DH's friends but I do expect respect.
    I agree with this.

    It sounds like you're actually upset with your husband and the change in his behaviour/not sticking up for you and projecting it more onto the friend. Do you think that's a possibility?

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    Yes, totally agree. I don't like the way my husband acts around this bloke and I don't understand why he acts differently. I have approached this with my husband and he thinks I am being silly and that we should give this guy some slack - he feels really sorry for him, no girlfriend no kids he is really lonely, his las two girlfriends took all his money houses etc etc. he is actually trying to get me to set him up with my single friends.
    The treating like a queen comment - probably a poor choice of words but they are lovely respectful and would do anything I ask of them. They treat me like a friend just as much as they treat my husband. This guy acts like I am a threat or something to him. I have been with my husband for 16 years and this is the first time I have had an issue like this with one of his friends...

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    The real beef is between you and your husband. Is there any chance this friend is just the catalyst for highlighting an underlying issue that was already there?

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    I also agree with pp's. Your issue is/should be with your husband.

    What does your DH say when he does not acknowledge you? Or when he just brings take out for him?

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    Honestly if it were me in that situation id be blunt and call both of them up on it - ie: the not acknowledging you and the takeaway and then tell him hes not welcome to come over anymore if hes going to be so rude. And tell your dh his behaviour is unacceptable, you will not put up with it.

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  12. #9
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    hi, I agree with pp, your husband is not seeing the real situation here. Perhaps you need to point out to your dh, just how you are being disrespected by this friend, and how it does not happen with the other mates. It is all well and good for your dh to feel sorry for him, but as soon as he get a girl he will be out of your lives, and you wont see him for dust. I can agree with being blunt, and calling them out on the behaviour, but I would definitely make it clear your dh, that you don't want this to continue, and if he wont put a stop to it, or at least have some words with the mate, you are going to call them on it. For myself, I would tolerate it for maybe 6 months, after that I would have had enough. He would be getting a very rude reception from me, every time I saw him. Good luck, marie.

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    Some friends bring out the best in people, whereas others are bad influences. Sounds like his "mate" is the latter.

    Unfortunately you can't change his friend's behaviour but what you can control is how your DH behaves towards you when around this guy.

    As pps have said- call him out on his bad behaviour- not answering the phone, ignoring you and the kids.

    As for the friend not saying hello or just bringing food for DH, model civilised behaviour. Say hello. Tell him, "oh if you were hungry you should of said something, I can cook for everyone!" Maybe he senses you don't like him (for good reason) and therefore that is why he is rude. It makes him look like an even bigger jerk if you are welcoming and he does not reciprocate that- and maybe your DH will begin to realise he's a jerk too.

    If worse cones for wear set him up with a girl so he can just leave you all alone. Good luck xxx


 

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