Hi hubbers, I need some advice, support, experience, whatever you can offer me. I'm sorry this is long.
I've just started a new job. Its a graduate job and the whole offer and acceptance thing happened 8 months ago so its been a long wait for it. Its many people's dream job - 9000 applicants, only 400 hired (country wide) big firm (but really low pay).
And its now day 3 and I hate it. I am so unbelievably miserable. I cry when I get home every day. I tell myself its only day 3, its going to get better but the staff who've been there for years don't seem much happier - they're all chasing deadlines and looking stressed. Its in a field outside my degree field, but I was told that was fine because they have top notch training. Well so far there's been almost zero training. Because the staff are too busy to train us. We're going to be thrown into client work having no idea what we're doing. And we have billable targets right off the bat. I feel so out of place as a mature aged worker - the other grads are young and fresh faced with no dependents. I'm working 10 hour days and its still not enough - I'm still the first grad to leave, but I have to go - I have kids to pick up! One of the grads is young bloke. He's getting all the attention. He has colleagues sitting with him, stepping him through the work, showing him the ropes, giving him chargeable work. When they ask who's free and I put myself forward - no one wants to work with me! They look at me, look awkward, and say, 'no its okay'. Not just me - the other female has the same problem. Its definitely a boys club.
Every job I've ever had I've been really good at (sorry to blow my own trumpet). I've won awards in every single job. So I'm capable! I'm a good worker. Or at least I used to be. Now I feel incompetent, awkward, and shunned.
And I miss my kids so much. I've made such a huge mistake. I should have held out for a more suitable position, I just thought I should take the first offer I got as the job market is so tough right now and I was grateful to just get anything.
Has anyone ever left a new job during the probation period? Has anyone ever felt like this early on and then its turned around and become great? Is it generally awful to work for a huge firm?
I feel so trapped.