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  1. #51
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    Default smoking teenager - WWYD?

    Quote Originally Posted by Clarabelle View Post
    I've also found out this morning that another mother from my son's school has been supplying a whole group of 15 year old boys from the high school with booze, and thinks it's being protective and supportive because they're drinking in her home! That's what many of us who oppose underage drinking are up against. Oh, but Johnny's mother says we can drink there!
    I would be angry about this also. It is one thing to decide how to parent your own child and whether to supply or provide them with a safe space to drink, but it's another thing entirely to be providing alcohol to other children.

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  3. #52
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    TimeForWine is offline Taking everyday one wine at a time...
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    Honestly at 16 I would be shocked if hadn't tried a drink, lied to you about drinking etc etc.

    I don't WANT my girls to drink or smoke etc but chances are by the time they are teens they will, I will not supply them with drinks / smokes but chances are someone else will. This has been happening since forever. My parents snuck out and drank / did things they weren't supposed to and so did I and my sister.

    We are all well adjusted and healthy / happy adults though.

    The one thing I will be telling my girls is that if they EVER need to come home and are drunk etc never get into a car with a drunk driver, someone they don't know well, try to walk home etc - they can call me at anytime of the day or night and I will come and get them no questions asked. We WILL talk about it the next day.

    Goodluck

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clarabelle View Post
    DT, good points and I'm glad it worked for your family. At this point though, for me, it really just goes against my better judgment. I think, generally speaking, it's not the right way to go and there's plenty of research to back it up. I can't provide links, as I read this a while back, but there is a psychologist named Aric Sigman who says that letting kids sample alcohol in the home does not generally lead to good outcomes. The so called "french approach" where parents let their children drink in the home simply builds a tolerance to alcohol and all the health implications of that. Also, medical technology in recent years has shown that the brains of teenagers are significantly effected by alcohol - much more so than adults. A young man doesn't have full brain development until, I think, around 27. There is also a 5 year Australian study soon to be completed that seems to back all this up. I also read that one teenager dies every week in Australia from alcohol related accidents. So there are a lot of reasons why it shouldn't be encouraged.

    I also get that plenty of people have experienced exactly what you've described and it's all worked out ok.
    Absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel, you must do what is best for your family. I just wanted to reinforce what others have said about conversation being the most important thing. Just punishing them for it, or making a big deal out of it is unlikely to do anything except make them better at hiding it.

    It comes down to would you prefer to know they were doing it, and you could monitor it, or they were really good at hiding it and possibly got in trouble?
    Obviously the highest preference would be them not doing it until 18, but...

    And yes, I recall reading that study by Sigman, and his main focus is actually how kids under 15 should not be allowed near alcohol.
    Here is his 'fact' pdf if anyone else is interested: http://www.aricsigman.com/IMAGES/Alcohol.pdf

    He did also go on to say he believed noone should drink until 24+, because it can hinder brain development. Can. He believes.
    Yes, it's fact alcohol CAN hinder brain development, we know this. But he admits its his belief and opinion- granted an educated one.

    The reason he did his study is because in some places a 5 year old, or older, can legally consume alcohol with parent supervision on private property.
    Now, I am completely against that. But I think 15+ is a hugely different ballgame.

    Anyway, as I said, completely your call. I mainly wanted to point out that it's about open communication, and that it's not actually illegal to consume alcohol under 18 (in certain conditions).

  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clarabelle View Post
    because I've also found out this morning that another mother from my son's school has been supplying a whole group of 15 year old boys from the high school with booze, and thinks it's being protective and supportive because they're drinking in her home!
    Oh HELL no. THAT is illegal and I would be finding out who it was and telling her I am considering going to the police.

    Me making a parenting decision to supply alcohol to MY 15+ year old is one thing, and legal. Someone else giving it to them? NO!

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    Wow! Id be so angry at another mother supplying my teenager with alcohol? What's her purpose? She must be trying to be the 'cool' mum.

    I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said, but smoking (and drinking) as a teenager isn't the end of the world. We obviously don't want our kids to do it, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's going down the wrong path. Smoking is much worse than drinking IMO, as it's addictive (and I know drinking can be too, but it's much less common).
    Just as a bit of reassurance. I smoked and drank as a teenager. I also smoked pot and tried another drug once. I am a well-educated, level-headed, intelligent person (even if I do say so myself). It's often just a teenage rebellion thing, with a dose of peer pressure on the side. I am sure you've raised a very respectable young man, regardless of this.

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    Anyone that supplies my children with alcohol would get a official visit from the police.

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    If i knew without a doubt who the parent was I would be calling the police.
    I dont have anything against letting my own child have a glass of wine or something on the very odd occasion in my home but I do not agree with providing other children with alcohol

  12. #58
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    Totally agree

    while I might consider allowing my daughter to drink in my home earlier than 18 - any friends who drink here will ONLY do so after ME having a discussion with the parent.

    Allowing your own child to do something is one thing ... allowing everyone elses is just not on.
    @Clarabelle - best wishes. I do hope that you continue to discuss things with your son, now that the hotter and harder emotions have passed. As he grows - and goes through the rebellions and mistakes that teenagers inevitably do - he needs to know that you will be there. That you will hold him accountable for mistakes, but that no matter what .. you support him and will be there. Whenever.

    Its a hard thing.

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    I had a relative who took his teenage kids who started smoking to the cancer ward at the hospital to show them the long term health consequences of smoking...
    They stopped pretty quick

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    Default smoking teenager - WWYD?

    Trying not to derail the thread but is it even allowed to take kids to the hospital to show them these things?

    As a patient I would be MORTIFIED if someone brought their kid in to look at me as an example of what not to do with your life. Besides, how would you even know what cancer is lifestyle related or not?

    I certainly wouldn't consent to this and I'm surprised if it's allowed due to privacy/confidentially.

    As if my own suffering wasn't enough. How humiliating.

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