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  1. #11
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    Show him this:
    http://www.quitnow.gov.au/internet/q...ine-calculator

    While he may only have a cigarette here and there at the moment, he'll probably increase his amount over time. Show him how much money he's going to throw down the drain.

    Ugh, why the hell are kids taking up smoking these days? We know how bad it is and it's not even 'cool' like it used to be.

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  3. #12
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    I was the same as Sonja as well. I started (very casually) when I was 15/16 and it was definitely due to my friendship group. My parents never found out because I was really embarrassed and I was pretty good at hiding it. If they had found out though, I would have continued but just been more sneaky about it. Same with alcohol as well I think. My mum let me have the occasional drink at parties and I was pretty responsible about it. I barely drink now so it definitely hasn't done any long term damage.

    A lot of my friends parents were strict and wouldn't let them drink. They still did it, just as much as me, if not more. The only difference was I felt comfortable talking to my mum if I needed her and knew I could call if I was in trouble.

    I think slamming kids for fairly normal (but not desirable) teenage behaviour only alienates them and encourages lies. Just my opinion/ experience as a teenager. I don't have teenagers so I actually have no idea how hard it would be to parent one.

    Good luck

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  5. #13
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    Last edited by Clarabelle; 25-02-2016 at 21:29.

  6. #14
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    I would not loose it, I would just be calm, and say I am disappointed, and you will never smoke under my roof or anywhere near me. That is my house rules, and it applies to everyone who comes to my house. As for drinking, I never purchased alcohol for my teenagers, and they were never given any from us. I have known that they did get drunk, stupid legless drunk, as teenagers, early 20s. Now they are very sensible with alcohol. It has been many years since any one of them has drunk to excess. I think you just need to be firm with your rules, and also live by the rules. If kids see their parents drinking and smoking, they are very likely to follow the example. maybe that is why the young ones are taking up smoking, and drinking. marie.

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    binnielici  (23-02-2016)

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    Not quite the same as my DS1 was 18 when one of his friends (whom I had known since she was in preschool) 'dobbed' him in for smoking. Legally he was obviously able to buy them himself.

    I told him I knew, that I was very disappointed in him. I told him he knew better and had been raised better. That he had been raised to have respect for his own and other's health. We talked about his reasons and he has not done it since - to my knowledge.

    As for drinking, yes kids drink under age, DS1 did. Once they are 16+ it becomes more and more difficult to directly control their behaviour and you really have to start relying on and trusting that the ground work for a responsible adult has been laid in the earlier years.

    I tried to treat DS1 as the adult he was demanding to be. I told him I disapproved (and gave reasons legality, health and safety). I also told him I would not purchase it for him and should he end up in trouble at school or work as a result of it he would be on his own to deal with the consequences. If he wanted to be an adult and do adult things then he had to deal with the consequences - this included no sympathy if he had a hangover!

    As @Sonja said above. Try to stay clam about this as best you can. Your son is growing up and starting to make his own choices. His choices will not always align with what you want for him. I don't say this to belittle what you feel just that it is a fact of life and a natural stage of development as he pulls away into adulthood. It's hard.

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    Is there someone at his school that he's close to and looks up to?

    I heard a great speech by a parenting expert a while ago on this topic and she was saying that if kids won't listen to their parents (and who amongst us did) they might listen to a teacher or a sports coach they trust. When my eldest was having a rough time at school she wouldn't open to me but she was close to the deputy principal and opened up to her.

    Good luck OP. I am DREADING the teenage years. I am one of 4 kids and we were all rebellious and challenging. My parents did an amazing job not to send us all to boarding school.

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    Last edited by Clarabelle; 25-02-2016 at 21:29.

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    My parents were the same. They refused to supply alcohol whereas my friends parents didn't mind buying it for us at all as they'd preferred we drank at home.

    I used to think I'd be like the latter and buy my kids alcohol but now I know I won't. It's illegal for a reason. And if you break that law what message are you sending to your kids about other laws.

    I feel for you.

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    Last edited by Clarabelle; 25-02-2016 at 21:30.

  16. #20
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    Those parents that are buying the booze for the kids, they are fooling themselves if they think they are controlling the kids drinking. I simply did not want my kids to smoke or drink, and I told them so. I don't think anyone smoked at a young age, only one does smoke now, (he is 35) They did find alcohol, and get drunk, but that was their own doing. It was also their hangover, I offered no sympathy, and no excuses. I always told my kids to be careful of alcohol, it will control you if you don't control it, and that message has sunk in. Really, it is part of the journey into adulthood, I think what matters is that the kid can rely on the parents, set a good example, and be there for them when they need help. marie.

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