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    Default Feeling guilty after child birth

    Hi,

    I've wanted a baby for so long and we now have a healthy, happy bub, but for the first couple of weeks I felt extremely anxious and worried so much I made myself feel sick (bubs is only three weeks old now).

    I would worry about very specific things and have a highly active imagination so it wasn't a good mix. I was worried I would get PND and have heard horror stories about that from my area of work so got so anxious about it (I do work in a particular area that involves child protection etc).

    I'm feeling a tonne better now - I think part of it was my hormones adjusting as I always feel the most anxious just before I get my period. I'm not anxious now and have talked it through with my family and midwife but I'm feeling so guilty for feeling that way when he was born! I love him so much but was a bit shocked by it all. I had a bad birth and lost a lot of blood, code blue was called etc. so that probably didn't help.

    Anyone else experience anything like this?

    Will get help if I need to, but feel like the fog has lifted and I can manage now. I just have to figure out the feeling guilty for not appreciating him early on part now. Just to be clear, I still looked after him and have a very supportive family so we were good the whole way through, I just felt horrible!

    Thanks
    x

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Violet85 View Post
    Hi,

    I've wanted a baby for so long and we now have a healthy, happy bub, but for the first couple of weeks I felt extremely anxious and worried so much I made myself feel sick (bubs is only three weeks old now).

    I would worry about very specific things and have a highly active imagination so it wasn't a good mix. I was worried I would get PND and have heard horror stories about that from my area of work so got so anxious about it (I do work in a particular area that involves child protection etc).

    I'm feeling a tonne better now - I think part of it was my hormones adjusting as I always feel the most anxious just before I get my period. I'm not anxious now and have talked it through with my family and midwife but I'm feeling so guilty for feeling that way when he was born! I love him so much but was a bit shocked by it all. I had a bad birth and lost a lot of blood, code blue was called etc. so that probably didn't help.

    Anyone else experience anything like this?

    Will get help if I need to, but feel like the fog has lifted and I can manage now. I just have to figure out the feeling guilty for not appreciating him early on part now. Just to be clear, I still looked after him and have a very supportive family so we were good the whole way through, I just felt horrible!

    Thanks
    x


    Don't feel guilty at all. You have a beautiful baby who is healthy. Like you, I had PPH's with both of my daughters. I am being induced tomorrow and am worried it will happen again. It is very common to develop baby blues after our babies are born, which is just our hormones adjusting. I am ok at the moment, but later tonight I know I will be a bit anxious, I had a bit of a crack at DP before over something, just because I have a bit on my mind regarding the birth, but he gave me a hug and I am ok again now.

    With my first daughter, when she was a baby, I used to have terrible thoughts, like accidentally locking her in the cupboard, but that is natural, I think us starting to worry about our little ones.

    Please don't feel guilty, we can't control how our bodies react to birth. Unfortunately like you, I seem to bleed like there's no tomorrow and require blood transfusions after birth. I am hoping by some miracle it doesn't happen this time.

    I am really glad to hear that you are getting on top of it, but should you think you are getting depressed, please talk to someone.

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    Violet85  (22-02-2016)

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Don't feel guilty at all. You have a beautiful baby who is healthy. Like you, I had PPH's with both of my daughters. I am being induced tomorrow and am worried it will happen again. It is very common to develop baby blues after our babies are born, which is just our hormones adjusting. I am ok at the moment, but later tonight I know I will be a bit anxious, I had a bit of a crack at DP before over something, just because I have a bit on my mind regarding the birth, but he gave me a hug and I am ok again now.

    With my first daughter, when she was a baby, I used to have terrible thoughts, like accidentally locking her in the cupboard, but that is natural, I think us starting to worry about our little ones.

    Please don't feel guilty, we can't control how our bodies react to birth. Unfortunately like you, I seem to bleed like there's no tomorrow and require blood transfusions after birth. I am hoping by some miracle it doesn't happen this time.

    I am really glad to hear that you are getting on top of it, but should you think you are getting depressed, please talk to someone.
    This.

    Baby blues are hard enough with a straightforward birth.

    With a traumatic birth it can hit so much harder and for so much longer.

    I would suggest seeing a trauma counsellor when you are ready about the birth.

    Otherwise, take care of yourself - be honest with your caregivers. You are doing fabulously. And congratulations on having your baby.

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    Marchbundle  (22-02-2016),Violet85  (22-02-2016)

  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Don't feel guilty at all. You have a beautiful baby who is healthy. Like you, I had PPH's with both of my daughters. I am being induced tomorrow and am worried it will happen again. It is very common to develop baby blues after our babies are born, which is just our hormones adjusting. I am ok at the moment, but later tonight I know I will be a bit anxious, I had a bit of a crack at DP before over something, just because I have a bit on my mind regarding the birth, but he gave me a hug and I am ok again now.

    With my first daughter, when she was a baby, I used to have terrible thoughts, like accidentally locking her in the cupboard, but that is natural, I think us starting to worry about our little ones.

    Please don't feel guilty, we can't control how our bodies react to birth. Unfortunately like you, I seem to bleed like there's no tomorrow and require blood transfusions after birth. I am hoping by some miracle it doesn't happen this time.

    I am really glad to hear that you are getting on top of it, but should you think you are getting depressed, please talk to someone.
    Thank you! I'd say I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, but I hate that other people have had that too! I had the same thing - I would never want to do those things, but worried I would accidentally drop him or something and then the scenario would play out in great detail. I'm a writer (and am fortunate enough to get paid for it) so trying to get back into that as i find if I'm focused on something specific it leaves less room for worry.

    The CAFHS person did an assessment thingy with me and said I'm higher on the scale but nothing unusual but I could contact her if I was concerned. I'm getting a lot more sleep now (bubs slept 5 hours straight last night!!) so that's made a huge difference.

    I'm also making sure I eat properly and am trying to cut myself some slack if I have a tired / down moment.

    I'm sorry to hear you have similar problems with bleeding! Good luck for tomorrow! I lost 2.4 litres which I'm told is a lot and I was awake but they couldn't find my pulse.

    They also had to do the cut (can't think what it's called) to deliver bubs by forceps and I then tore further which also bled apparently.

    We were in hospital for nearly a week and the midwives gave me such a hard time about breastfeeding I had no confidence by the time I got home so that didn't help. I've switched to formula and bubs is doing so well and have decided I can't worry about what everyone thinks!

    I will definitely talk to someone if I'm feeling depressed - I will do it for my baby.

    Again, good luck for tomorrow! xx

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    Marchbundle  (22-02-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    This.

    Baby blues are hard enough with a straightforward birth.

    With a traumatic birth it can hit so much harder and for so much longer.

    I would suggest seeing a trauma counsellor when you are ready about the birth.

    Otherwise, take care of yourself - be honest with your caregivers. You are doing fabulously. And congratulations on having your baby.
    Thank you! I have thought about seeing someone, but I work in that kind of industry and know too many people. I fortunately have a very supportive husband and mum who I can be completely honest with and they have helped a lot.

    He was also three weeks early so it sounds weird, but I wasn't prepared mentally for it all to happen just yet.

    SO grateful he is okay though. I have never felt so relieved as I was the moment I heard him cry.

    I say I'm a bit freaked out about the day, but the fact is it was the best and worst day.

    I wasn't sure what was going to happen during all of that but it was all so worth it to have my happy, healthy, gorgeous boy!

    Thanks for the support guys! x

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    Marchbundle  (22-02-2016)

  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Violet85 View Post
    Thank you! I'd say I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, but I hate that other people have had that too! I had the same thing - I would never want to do those things, but worried I would accidentally drop him or something and then the scenario would play out in great detail. I'm a writer (and am fortunate enough to get paid for it) so trying to get back into that as i find if I'm focused on something specific it leaves less room for worry.

    The CAFHS person did an assessment thingy with me and said I'm higher on the scale but nothing unusual but I could contact her if I was concerned. I'm getting a lot more sleep now (bubs slept 5 hours straight last night!!) so that's made a huge difference.

    I'm also making sure I eat properly and am trying to cut myself some slack if I have a tired / down moment.

    I'm sorry to hear you have similar problems with bleeding! Good luck for tomorrow! I lost 2.4 litres which I'm told is a lot and I was awake but they couldn't find my pulse.

    They also had to do the cut (can't think what it's called) to deliver bubs by forceps and I then tore further which also bled apparently.

    We were in hospital for nearly a week and the midwives gave me such a hard time about breastfeeding I had no confidence by the time I got home so that didn't help. I've switched to formula and bubs is doing so well and have decided I can't worry about what everyone thinks!

    I will definitely talk to someone if I'm feeling depressed - I will do it for my baby.

    Again, good luck for tomorrow! xx

    Thankyou! Your birth story is quite similar to mine. With my first daughter I lost 2 litres of blood then fainted (such an awful feeling, feeling that weak), and with DD2 I lost 1.6 litres. I was anemic in my pregnancies with them and was induced both times due to gestational diabetes. I was also in hospital with both kids for about 6 days each. I remember begging the doctors after DD1 was born, to go home.

    I am being induced again due to gestational diabetes @38 weeks due to being on insulin this time but my blood levels are great this time, so I am hoping that may prevent me from losing so much blood. My DP tells me not to worry and I am trying not to, but when it has happened twice before, even once (2.4L is a sh!tload of blood), I think it is hard to ignore, so the anxiety happens.

    The medical staff are aware of my history, so they will have a plan in place. I also asked the midwife the other day why haemmorrages happen. She couldn't really give me a 100% reason, just that some women's uteruses don't contract as quickly and the blood doesn't clot fast enough, hence major blood losses.

    I think if you are a new mum, some midwives think you don't know too much. Some are like nazi's when it comes to breastfeeding. Because of the traumatic birth with DD1, my milk didn't come in, I was starving the poor little tacker and didn't realise until she was 2 weeks old and I put her on formula. My DD2 was put on formula from 1 week as I was a bit scared from what happened with DD1. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding, I speak from experience, don't let anyone tell you how to feed your baby.
    I have a pretty vivid imagination too.
    I forgot to say in my first post, congratulations on your little one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Thankyou! Your birth story is quite similar to mine. With my first daughter I lost 2 litres of blood then fainted (such an awful feeling, feeling that weak), and with DD2 I lost 1.6 litres. I was anemic in my pregnancies with them and was induced both times due to gestational diabetes. I was also in hospital with both kids for about 6 days each. I remember begging the doctors after DD1 was born, to go home.

    I am being induced again due to gestational diabetes @38 weeks due to being on insulin this time but my blood levels are great this time, so I am hoping that may prevent me from losing so much blood. My DP tells me not to worry and I am trying not to, but when it has happened twice before, even once (2.4L is a sh!tload of blood), I think it is hard to ignore, so the anxiety happens.

    The medical staff are aware of my history, so they will have a plan in place. I also asked the midwife the other day why haemmorrages happen. She couldn't really give me a 100% reason, just that some women's uteruses don't contract as quickly and the blood doesn't clot fast enough, hence major blood losses.

    I think if you are a new mum, some midwives think you don't know too much. Some are like nazi's when it comes to breastfeeding. Because of the traumatic birth with DD1, my milk didn't come in, I was starving the poor little tacker and didn't realise until she was 2 weeks old and I put her on formula. My DD2 was put on formula from 1 week as I was a bit scared from what happened with DD1. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding, I speak from experience, don't let anyone tell you how to feed your baby.
    I have a pretty vivid imagination too.
    I forgot to say in my first post, congratulations on your little one.
    Sorry to hear that happened to you! Fingers crossed for you this time!!
    I'm told I can elect to have a caesarean next time and they might encourage it based on the issues I had. I've heard that's more controlled but who knows.

    I have to say, despite it all, the medical team were great! They were extremely professional and quick. As far as I know there was an ICU boss, a few consultants, a few students, three anaesthetists, two doctors for bubs (turns out he had the cord around his neck - something my husband failed to mention for a few days until I heard him telling my friend - it honestly had slipped his mind with everything else going on), several doctors and a variety of other staff (and as I keep joking, a partridge in a pear tree!). ]

    My husband tells me that at any one time there were a minimum of twelve people in the room. So despite it all, I did feel like they knew what they were doing.

    Yes I'm told 2.4 litres is a lot. That explains why I felt dizzy and sick. I never fainted fortunately, but I didn't feel well.

    I guess I should take away from this the part where despite all this the medical staff got it under control and it all worked out well. Really it should be a good story, not a bad one.

    Yes, my husband was told it was because my uterus didn't contract after I delivered the placenta - as well as the issue with the tearing.

    I was determined not to have an epidural but didn't have much of a choice when he was stuck and ended up having two (they thought he was posterior and tried to turn him but they were wrong). Thank goodness I did is all I can say (after the cutting then tearing).

    Ah the things we do for our kids. And still so worth it!

    Again, best of possible luck for your next bubs!!

    And thank you!!

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  13. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Violet85 View Post
    Sorry to hear that happened to you! Fingers crossed for you this time!!
    I'm told I can elect to have a caesarean next time and they might encourage it based on the issues I had. I've heard that's more controlled but who knows.

    I have to say, despite it all, the medical team were great! They were extremely professional and quick. As far as I know there was an ICU boss, a few consultants, a few students, three anaesthetists, two doctors for bubs (turns out he had the cord around his neck - something my husband failed to mention for a few days until I heard him telling my friend - it honestly had slipped his mind with everything else going on), several doctors and a variety of other staff (and as I keep joking, a partridge in a pear tree!). ]

    My husband tells me that at any one time there were a minimum of twelve people in the room. So despite it all, I did feel like they knew what they were doing.

    Yes I'm told 2.4 litres is a lot. That explains why I felt dizzy and sick. I never fainted fortunately, but I didn't feel well.

    I guess I should take away from this the part where despite all this the medical staff got it under control and it all worked out well. Really it should be a good story, not a bad one.

    Yes, my husband was told it was because my uterus didn't contract after I delivered the placenta - as well as the issue with the tearing.

    I was determined not to have an epidural but didn't have much of a choice when he was stuck and ended up having two (they thought he was posterior and tried to turn him but they were wrong). Thank goodness I did is all I can say (after the cutting then tearing).

    Ah the things we do for our kids. And still so worth it!

    Again, best of possible luck for your next bubs!!

    And thank you!!


    Did you get a blood transfusion? I hope you were offered one. Ohgod, I hear you regarding cord around bub's neck...DD2 had hers wrapped around her neck three times. I was told to stop pushing three times so they could unravel it...it is hard to stop on a roll. I tore with her as well. I was told I looked like a train wreck haha.

    I am glad you were well taken care of though. That always helps. Regarding the c section, I have read that it can increase blood loss. Thankfully for us, they are very prepared for these types of births. 100 years ago we wouldn't have made it. Every birth is a success when we come out of it with a healthy bub, I reckon

    Thankyou for the good luck wishes.. I am hoping all will be well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Did you get a blood transfusion? I hope you were offered one. Ohgod, I hear you regarding cord around bub's neck...DD2 had hers wrapped around her neck three times. I was told to stop pushing three times so they could unravel it...it is hard to stop on a roll. I tore with her as well. I was told I looked like a train wreck haha.

    I am glad you were well taken care of though. That always helps. Regarding the c section, I have read that it can increase blood loss. Thankfully for us, they are very prepared for these types of births. 100 years ago we wouldn't have made it. Every birth is a success when we come out of it with a healthy bub, I reckon

    Thankyou for the good luck wishes.. I am hoping all will be well.
    No, I wasn't offered a transfusion. They took several blood tests and said they would check again in the morning (he was born at lunch time the day before). They said I didn't need one but I have to take really strong iron for three months. I was really white at the time but my colour has come back already.

    Luckily I was seeing a nutritionist when I was pregnant (she's also a naturopath) and was taking iron.

    I never felt the urge to push at all and he never came down properly which was part of the problem. Kind of glad I didn't know the cord was around his neck! I have never felt so relieved as the moment I heard him cry! I remember just asking them over and over if he was okay as he was silent but then he cried and all was good! (Even while the other issues were going on).

    Hmmm... okay. Good to know about the C section. We're not sure we'll have more than one baby. It took several years to conceive this one (naturally still) so we're not sure what will happen there. Will give ourselves time and then think about it.

    Yes, we have to look at these things as positives! We're in good hands!

    Will keep an eye out to see how you went. No idea where people post birth announcements on here, but if I can figure it out I will.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Violet85 View Post
    No, I wasn't offered a transfusion. They took several blood tests and said they would check again in the morning (he was born at lunch time the day before). They said I didn't need one but I have to take really strong iron for three months. I was really white at the time but my colour has come back already.


    Luckily I was seeing a nutritionist when I was pregnant (she's also a naturopath) and was taking iron.

    I never felt the urge to push at all and he never came down properly which was part of the problem. Kind of glad I didn't know the cord was around his neck! I have never felt so relieved as the moment I heard him cry! I remember just asking them over and over if he was okay as he was silent but then he cried and all was good! (Even while the other issues were going on).

    Hmmm... okay. Good to know about the C section. We're not sure we'll have more than one baby. It took several years to conceive this one (naturally still) so we're not sure what will happen there. Will give ourselves time and then think about it.

    Yes, we have to look at these things as positives! We're in good hands!

    Will keep an eye out to see how you went. No idea where people post birth announcements on here, but if I can figure it out I will.

    Oh you poor thing, you must have been as white as a ghost, it's a horrible feeling when you have lost a lot of blood.
    I have been taking iron supplements as well, and am stoked my red blood cell count is good this time. I was thinking of having an epidural but I don't think I will, might just soldier through it, and just walk through contractions.

    You may find it easier concieving next time, some people seem to fall pregnant easier the second time round. Regarding birth announcements, I have no idea lol.

    Enjoy your little man


 

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