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  1. #11
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    I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that this kind of crazy happens everywhere. I have 2 boys about the same age and a DH every night, and bed time is still as unsettled in my house as yours. We start dinner about 5pm and if they are both asleep by 8:30pm (hardly ever happens, it's usually closer to 9:30pm) I'm a frazzled mess desperate for a glass of wine. I have to sit by myself for at least 20 minutes to get back to normal... and DS2 normally ends up in our bed about 2am anyway!

    I guess that I'm just trying to share to give you some reassurance that 2 parent households also have a tough time with bedtime. You are not alone!

  2. #12
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    Can I suggest that you tweak bed bath routine.
    If you find bath time gets them all revved up again. I know it does mine. I find giving a quiet calming activity between bed and bath helps.
    Give yourself a break and know that any tweaks will take a week or two to get in swing of things. So if the get up, just remind yourself that they are learning the new routine too. I know it sounds silly but it helps your mindset and that can take heat out of situation. Be determined to be calmer in helping him resettle. Maybe some soft music could be helpful.

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  4. #13
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    Hi there i have a little boy who is almost 4 and i find that if i am not constantly reassuring him as to what's happening next bedtime turns into a disaster...so i give him a 10 minute, then 5 minute, then 2 minute count down before bedtime. This seems to get him in the headspace that its time for bed. Other than that I am not much help but like everyone else has said your not alone

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  6. #14
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    Hi OP, first of all I just need to point out that you're not a single mum- you have a husband and he will be coming home. Actual single mums do this not for 2 months, but for years, with no end in sight, no one to ring and talk to, and no 2nd income.
    Sorry, it is a bug bear of mine.

    IMO you need to set a bedtime routine and stick to it. Have you tried a sticker chart, either for behaviour (no fighting), or for your DS to sleep in his own bed?

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  8. #15
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    Yeah as someone with a DH who regularly goes away I find the term solo parenting tends to cause less offence.

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  10. #16
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    My DH goes away a bit too, so I feel your pain! Personally, I think starting your bedtime routine at 7:30 is too late. I bet half the problem is they are over tired. I have a 6 and nearly 4yo and they are in bed by 7:30.

    When DH is away, I do what I can to make things easier - cook simple meals, and make double meals before he goes so I have enough for a few nights in the freezer if I have enough warning! There's nothing wrong with eggs occasionally if you get home late.

    Our routine is shower at 5:45, dinner at 6, teeth, reading etc at 7 and in to bed at 7:20 so we have time for cuddles. I put him in first (eldest) as she wants more cuddles and he will stay there and not come in her room. Then she goes down and we're done.

    Mine argue too and it used to be a nightmare when I was on my own as it would take forever. So I just got really strict as nothing else worked. If they messed up, they got a warning. If they kept at it, a toy got taken off them. They know now that they need to be good or else they end up pretty bored! lol.

    I'd let your DS sleep in your bed too. If you don't want him there all night, tell him you will put him in his own bed when you got to sleep and try that. Whatever makes life easier now.

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  12. #17
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    I'm relieved with some thoughts and kind words - thank you. Def ready to try bed time earlier when I'm not working and perhaps drop the shouting and stern words when things are going a bit crazy. Other comments about single parenting is not necessary, I am parenting single handed, DH has been out of work for short periods hence having to work away from home, and this current stint away is nearly 11 months in the UK, where both our families live. My support unit is pretty limited too. I was just looking for some pointers or ideas from parents/carers who have been there, still are etc

  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star Light View Post
    I totally hear you berrybez1. I find myself staying up late just to be able to 'enjoy' some peace and quiet on my own - and then of course the day starts again and I am already tired when it begins. I agree, it is so overwhelming. I am at a loss as to what to do. I start my bedtime routine about the same time as you - there is no way to start any earlier sometimes as we may not even arrive home before 5-6pm some nights. (Sorry, I feel like i'm hijacking your thread with my own problems!!!). Just know you are not alone!
    Not at all, yes a few nights a week I don't back from work with the kids until gone 6, but I'm going to try just eating then move on to bathroom n bed. I hope u benefit from some help in this thread x

  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    My DH goes away a bit too, so I feel your pain! Personally, I think starting your bedtime routine at 7:30 is too late. I bet half the problem is they are over tired. I have a 6 and nearly 4yo and they are in bed by 7:30.

    When DH is away, I do what I can to make things easier - cook simple meals, and make double meals before he goes so I have enough for a few nights in the freezer if I have enough warning! There's nothing wrong with eggs occasionally if you get home late.

    Our routine is shower at 5:45, dinner at 6, teeth, reading etc at 7 and in to bed at 7:20 so we have time for cuddles. I put him in first (eldest) as she wants more cuddles and he will stay there and not come in her room. Then she goes down and we're done.

    Mine argue too and it used to be a nightmare when I was on my own as it would take forever. So I just got really strict as nothing else worked. If they messed up, they got a warning. If they kept at it, a toy got taken off them. They know now that they need to be good or else they end up pretty bored! lol.

    I'd let your DS sleep in your bed too. If you don't want him there all night, tell him you will put him in his own bed when you got to sleep and try that. Whatever makes life easier now.
    C. Thank you for your comments, that's good advice - I'm pleasantly surprised that there really is other parents/carers going through similar scenarios 😊

  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by berrybez1 View Post
    DH has been out of work for short periods hence having to work away from home, and this current stint away is nearly 11 months in the UK, where both our families live. My support unit is pretty limited too. I was just looking for some pointers or ideas from parents/carers who have been there, still are etc
    Am I reading that right - that he will be away for 11 months?

    Have you thought about an au pair? That might be a good option if your local support is limited. I *think* it's bed and board plus some money to get someone in. Might be worth looking in to?

    Another thought too - on the days you work, I assume the kids are in Care? Could they have dinner there if you provide it? Just wondering if that might be easier as one less thing to do when you get home.


 

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