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  1. #71
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    Default TRIGGER WARNINGMy child was molested by another child at daycare...what shoul...

    Vp, did you read Sally1981's post? I thought she did a good job of explaining what would be going on legally.

    As far as me, I'm not too trusting. I've actually been a preschool teacher who had to report an incidence of 'sexuality' with a 4 year old. So maybe I'm able to look at it from more than one side.

    And at the risk of VP telling me that my husband is controlling and manipulative...we spoke about this last night and he said he would have done exactly the same thing. If our child wasn't distressed and he felt he had handled it appropriately and felt it would benefit me by not telling me straight away, he basically said damn right he'd do the same thing and would expect me to do the same as well if the roll was reversed. I think this father and husband had good intentions and unfortunately hind site is a *****. I also can't believe there's an issue with him responding, in a pretty respectful way, but no issue with her posting in the first place? It's the same thing!

    Op as far as going home, it's too late now and I was too scared to respond when you first posted but I don't think you should or need to fly home. I think your husband has handled this well and you flying home will not only have a negative impact on your career but that you may also have too much of an intense and upsetting reaction for your daughter, leading her to feel emotions and fears that she hasn't been feeling.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 18-02-2016 at 17:46.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Removing clothes and then the follow on counts as 2 actions in my book.

    Why are you defending the carers? How do you know they were doing the best job they could as opposed to slacking off (which happens at times). How do you know the centre wasn't slack with ratios or training for staff?

    If the carers and centre feel bad then perhaps that's because they should.
    Honestly, I have no more energy to argue.

    Your expectation for carers of 4 year old is what? 1 carer per child? Eyes on all children at all times?

    Rooms and playgrounds may have areas 'out of view'. There are toileting areas that are not 100% in view from every angle because we don't put toilets in open areas.

    There may be a fort/slide. You cannot view the entire space from every angle 100% of the time. Lets not have one of those. Too many areas where kids are not visible. The list goes on and on.

    The carers are looking after children. Multiple children.

    They may be helping a child that fell over and another may be as stuck and need help.

    For that 30 seconds to a minute something happened.

    I am not discounting that it is a horrible situation.

    But continuously flaming the carers when you were not there, you have no idea what the childcare is like or what the area is like is not on.

    Would you seriously say the same to a mother if this happened in the park and the mother did not see?

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  5. #73
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    Vp, if I recall in another thread, you were open to 4 year olds starting school. Do you think at school they are going to be in absolute plain site of a teacher the whole day?

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If the carers and centre feel bad then perhaps that's because they should.
    Trust me, whether they 'should' or not, those carers would be devastated.

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  9. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Trust me, whether they 'should' or not, those carers would be devastated.
    My incidence wasn't like this one, it didn't really involve other children, except for them telling me. 15 years later and I still think of that little girl and wonder what actually happened to her. If reporting it helped or made the situation worse, if I ruined a family by reporting it because it was actually just an overactive imagination, etc.

  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Honestly, I have no more energy to argue.

    Your expectation for carers of 4 year old is what? 1 carer per child? Eyes on all children at all times?

    Rooms and playgrounds may have areas 'out of view'. There are toileting areas that are not 100% in view from every angle because we don't put toilets in open areas.

    There may be a fort/slide. You cannot view the entire space from every angle 100% of the time. Lets not have one of those. Too many areas where kids are not visible. The list goes on and on.

    The carers are looking after children. Multiple children.

    They may be helping a child that fell over and another may be as stuck and need help.

    For that 30 seconds to a minute something happened.

    I am not discounting that it is a horrible situation.

    But continuously flaming the carers when you were not there, you have no idea what the childcare is like or what the area is like is not on.

    Would you seriously say the same to a mother if this happened in the park and the mother did not see?
    For someone who has no more energy to argue you sure seem to have a lot of puff left.

    Are you a childcare worker? Just wondering why you are so hell bent on defending the carers when you (like me) were not there.

    And yes I would say something similar if it happened in the park and the mother did not see.

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  12. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Vp, if I recall in another thread, you were open to 4 year olds starting school. Do you think at school they are going to be in absolute plain site of a teacher the whole day?
    Ok - I admit it. The carers work in a good class centre and do an absolute perfect job. The alleged sexual abuse of a child under their care was an anomoly. They did nothing wrong. You win.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    This entire incident would have taken less than 30 seconds. I don't think that's too long for toddlers to be out of sight.
    You don't know that for a fact. You don't know if there was any relevant lead up behavior that the carers didn't see.

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    Default TRIGGER WARNINGMy child was molested by another child at daycare...what shoul...

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Ok - I admit it. The carers work in a good class centre and do an absolute perfect job. The alleged sexual abuse of a child under their care was an anomoly. They did nothing wrong. You win.
    I have no idea how 'good' the carers are. I just find it amazing how 'high horsey' you get, especially when you have different opinions in other threads. Sorry but I make a good point, how much supervision do you think a 4 year old in school is getting?

    Eta: and I find it a bit sickening that you'd have this same attitude of a mother at a playground. Hawk eye vp hey.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 18-02-2016 at 18:04.

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  17. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You don't know that for a fact. You don't know if there was any relevant lead up behavior that the carers didn't see.
    Neither do you though!

    Hey look, I get where you are coming from. DS managed to cut his own hair at CC twice in 10 days. And my response then (as now) was 'how the eff did he manage to do that? Where was the supervision?' I would definitely be asking that question very strongly in this scenario. I think it's a reasonable question to ask. It still doesn't necessarily point to 'blame' in my book, and my focus I guess would be what can be learned from this and how the risk can be minimised in the future.

    I think the variations in responses point to a difference in overall kind of life philosophy if that makes sense (and yes I have started spin off!). No offence VP, but I think you generally assume the worst of people (that you don't know) ie assume they are not to be trusted until proven otherwise. That's a valid world view, just one totally at odds with the philosophy of assume the best until there's reason not to.

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