Vp, did you read Sally1981's post? I thought she did a good job of explaining what would be going on legally.
As far as me, I'm not too trusting. I've actually been a preschool teacher who had to report an incidence of 'sexuality' with a 4 year old. So maybe I'm able to look at it from more than one side.
And at the risk of VP telling me that my husband is controlling and manipulative...we spoke about this last night and he said he would have done exactly the same thing. If our child wasn't distressed and he felt he had handled it appropriately and felt it would benefit me by not telling me straight away, he basically said damn right he'd do the same thing and would expect me to do the same as well if the roll was reversed. I think this father and husband had good intentions and unfortunately hind site is a *****. I also can't believe there's an issue with him responding, in a pretty respectful way, but no issue with her posting in the first place? It's the same thing!
Op as far as going home, it's too late now and I was too scared to respond when you first posted but I don't think you should or need to fly home. I think your husband has handled this well and you flying home will not only have a negative impact on your career but that you may also have too much of an intense and upsetting reaction for your daughter, leading her to feel emotions and fears that she hasn't been feeling.