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  1. #21
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    I'm so sorry this has happened. You must feel sick with worry...

    Firstly how old is this boy? I'm assuming very young being in a daycare environment. I have been in a similar situation with my son but he was at school with another 5 year old boy. He had some counselling and moved on really well. As for flying home, you need to do what you feel is best? Will your raw emotions impact the manner in which you deal with it? I know when I first found out my emotions and shock hindered the way I responded and it's something if I had the chance to do differently I would. If you feel it would be best for yourself & your daughter to be home then fly home. Sending big hugs, take a breath and take the time you need to sort through everything x

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  3. #22
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    Hi, I'm the Dad in this situation. I know I will be attacked here, as most of you have already formed an opinion of me.

    As I was putting my 4 yr old daughter to bed on Monday night she told me what had happened. I was absolutely disgusted and disturbed. I wanted to destroy the child and his parents. My daughter however didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation. She didn't show any signs of feeling off, let alone violated. And although I was horrified I knew that if I made a big deal in front of here it could have a greater negative affect.
    I saw the relevant people at the daycare first thing the next day, which I will discuss bellow.

    However regarding not telling my wife; she had been looking forward to this opportunity for a long time. It was her chance to get back into the workforce. To prove all her hard work of juggling study and toddlers had paid off. But most of all this was her dream job with one of her dream companies. Although this was her eish come true, she had been having difficulties and wanted home. Therefore knowing that I should tell my wife I choose not to so as to protect her future career. I knew the effect of me not mentioning it, would have upon her but I still chose not to. I wanted her to have the chance to prove to herself that she could do this.

    Now back to the daycare.
    I spoke to my daughter's teacher first thing and had a meeting with the director. They told me that they will implement a shadow supervisor, one out of the two teachers will follow my daughter while another teacher will come in to follow the boy. They will keep them separated. The boy has had no previous reports on any such or otherwise bad behaviour. I asked for his parents to be informed. And an incident report be written. They have organised ditto to come out and speak about personal safety, which I have also spoken to my daughter about. They also said we can arrange days with the other child so that they don't come on the same day.

    I had considered l taking her out of the daycare however this would also have a negative impact on her. I didn't want her to feel guilty or question why she was being punished. This wasn't an easy decision for me, I did not take it lightly. I asked others their opinions, i also asked a long time daycare director for their thoughts. They all were of the opinion that this was something that could happen anywhere, my daughter will now be closely monitored and safer, and the other child most likely had no sexual intent behid his actions. I am however disturbed that a 4 year old child would know of this behaviour, and feel he must have somehow witnessed it. I believe this needs to be looked into further which is why I asked the daycare to speak with his parents.

    So the fact that my daughter wanted to go to daycare coupled with the fact that I was OK with the response from the daycare, lead me to make the decision to send them back.

    I know through this response I will brandished as an irresponsible father. So roast me if you want but hopefully it shows my story to not only all readers but mostly to my wife.

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  5. #23
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    I think your decisions were well informed and thought through you should be proud with how u handled the situation I know a lot of men and also women who would have let their emotions get the better of them ( which is understandable) you are correct in saying that if you made a big deal in front of your daughter or made her feel punished she would feel as though she has done something wrong and if she does not understand the magnitude of the actions then she shouldn't be shocked by your reactions. I honestly give you credit for the way you handled the situation and keeping a level head for your daughters sake in a situation where most of us would have let our emotions take over and regretted it later.

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  7. #24
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    So you're both brand new members?
    How about you both just talk to each other rather than have a random fight over the Internet?
    Anyhow...

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  9. #25
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    No judgement here.

    Forcing the childcare to speak to this boy's parents could place him at risk if he is abused himself. Please let them decide on the action they choose to take as far as he is concerned and focus on your daughter and her wellbeing.

    Also, it sounds like you need to talk to your wife privately rather than on a public forum.

  10. #26
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    It's actually not about roasting or flaming anyone.
    A post was made asking for advice and advice was given.
    At the end of the day, whilst your intentions may have been admirable, you don't actually get to decide what's best for your wife, when it comes to the health, safety or wellbeing of your child. She should have been informed immediately and been able to make up her own mind as to how to respond. That's between the two of you, not up to anyone else, especially mothers and mothers in law to have an opinion on.

    Whilst I also agree that your child should not be punished for reporting what happened and I'm not suggesting the little boy should be punished. I seriously doubt that there was any sexual intent but there are enough concerns because of the behaviour for dhs to be notified.
    And a meeting with both you and your wife might be a good idea rather than your wife receiving relayed information from the director, via you.

    Also I disagree with the childcare director, that this could have happened anywhere. Not true. What are their ratios like of children to educators? Op made it sound like there are only two educators for a room full of children. I would expect an explanation that was better then it could have happened anywhere.

    Finally I don't think it's sensible relying on a forum of strangers to resolve a serious relationship and trust issue. Perhaps some counselling would be a good idea.

    Good luck to your family.

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  12. #27
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    A friend of mine went through this op but it happened in the toilet at school. If I remember rightly I copped a bit of flack in the thread I posted about it some time back. My friend informed DCP and the police even though he couldn't be charged the police needed to know. The child was due to transfer to my ds's school so I informed the principal as I felt the school needed to know, the children needed to be protected. There is something not right in that childs life op, for him to have done that and authorities need to be notified.

  13. #28
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    Default TRIGGER WARNINGMy child was molested by another child at daycare...what shoul...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDad View Post
    Hi, I'm the Dad in this situation. I know I will be attacked here, as most of you have already formed an opinion of me.

    As I was putting my 4 yr old daughter to bed on Monday night she told me what had happened. I was absolutely disgusted and disturbed. I wanted to destroy the child and his parents. My daughter however didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation. She didn't show any signs of feeling off, let alone violated. And although I was horrified I knew that if I made a big deal in front of here it could have a greater negative affect.
    I saw the relevant people at the daycare first thing the next day, which I will discuss bellow.

    However regarding not telling my wife; she had been looking forward to this opportunity for a long time. It was her chance to get back into the workforce. To prove all her hard work of juggling study and toddlers had paid off. But most of all this was her dream job with one of her dream companies. Although this was her eish come true, she had been having difficulties and wanted home. Therefore knowing that I should tell my wife I choose not to so as to protect her future career. I knew the effect of me not mentioning it, would have upon her but I still chose not to. I wanted her to have the chance to prove to herself that she could do this.

    Now back to the daycare.
    I spoke to my daughter's teacher first thing and had a meeting with the director. They told me that they will implement a shadow supervisor, one out of the two teachers will follow my daughter while another teacher will come in to follow the boy. They will keep them separated. The boy has had no previous reports on any such or otherwise bad behaviour. I asked for his parents to be informed. And an incident report be written. They have organised ditto to come out and speak about personal safety, which I have also spoken to my daughter about. They also said we can arrange days with the other child so that they don't come on the same day.

    I had considered l taking her out of the daycare however this would also have a negative impact on her. I didn't want her to feel guilty or question why she was being punished. This wasn't an easy decision for me, I did not take it lightly. I asked others their opinions, i also asked a long time daycare director for their thoughts. They all were of the opinion that this was something that could happen anywhere, my daughter will now be closely monitored and safer, and the other child most likely had no sexual intent behid his actions. I am however disturbed that a 4 year old child would know of this behaviour, and feel he must have somehow witnessed it. I believe this needs to be looked into further which is why I asked the daycare to speak with his parents.

    So the fact that my daughter wanted to go to daycare coupled with the fact that I was OK with the response from the daycare, lead me to make the decision to send them back.

    I know through this response I will brandished as an irresponsible father. So roast me if you want but hopefully it shows my story to not only all readers but mostly to my wife.
    You're not an irresponsible father, you did what you thought was right.

    I don't criticise you or your wife.

    But I do think that there needs to be more action from the centre. That's not normal 4yo behaviour.

    Best wishes to you all, please remember you're a family and don't blame each other - you're on the same side.

    I'm sorry that this has occurred for you all.
    Last edited by misho; 17-02-2016 at 22:42.

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  15. #29
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    having worked in childcare I can say
    1- the child in questions parents WILL have been informed 2- the child in question will now be under a shadow system where as he is closely supervised at all times

    the incident may result in a cafs report IF it was witnessed by a staff member as it would not be considered 'normal childhood exploration', ANY kind of overly sexual behaviour by a child is documented and results in a shadow system being implimented

    the childcare can not expel the child, they can not disclose personal information about the child including history or other incidents that may have occurred, the staff will (most likely) do their bests to ensure your DD safety, pulling her from a care she wants to go to may make her feel like her actions were bad or naughty and that SHE is being punished for what has happened.

    in a 4 yo program (in nsw at least) its 1 carer per 10 children so its quite likely for there to be a 'room full' of children to two carers in the room

    you may be able to do a cafs report yourself but without information about the child not much will happen.

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  17. #30
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    Default TRIGGER WARNINGMy child was molested by another child at daycare...what shoul...

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDad View Post
    This wasn't an easy decision for me, I did not take it lightly. I asked others their opinions.
    You didn't ask the one other opinion that mattered most - the opinion of your daughters mother, your wife!!!

    Sorry but there are no excuses for that that are acceptable in my mind. Bad call. Terrible call. Almost unforgiveable.

    How did you know your wife had posted in here prior to her catching a flight home?. I just can't understand why your wife would tell you she has created a thread on THIS particular forum. Or did you discover this on your own? Interesting.
    Last edited by VicPark; 18-02-2016 at 05:02.

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