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  1. #1
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    Default 100% house and family...

    Seems so obvious now that I think of it but last night it occurred to me that my life is so revolved around house and kids that I literally have no other thoughts! No wonder I get depressed! Like even if I'm watching tv I'm thinking about characters with kids who do stuff or even just have work or other things going on and I'm wondering how did they organise their day so that everyone is wearing clean clothes, eating dinner and doesn't look like there is crap strewn around the house. Like I even watch peppa pig thinking mummy pig is always so calm and they go to the shops and buy 3 items or wash a small load and George is only 2 but mummy pig can sit and finish a whole cup of tea while he plays on his own... I wouldn't mind if my obsession with getting our house organised/ keeping on top of things was paying off but even with every thought focussed on house and kids we still live in utter chaos! Over the years my brood and house has grown and my world has shrunk! I'm really not cut out for this level of suburban domesticity! Just not sure what to do to break out of this??

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    How old are your children? Have you thought about?

    Joining a meetup group. I notice you are in Sydney. Thousands of groups catering for every type of person, join one with or without your kids.

    Story time at your local library's?

    Join a gym, one with a crèche?

    Do some volunteering?

    Offer to help at the local schools tuck Shop?

    Check out act belong commit. Lots of good ideas there.

    Join a sporting team.

  3. #3
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    freyamum, jut give yourself some slack. when my children were small, things were only in order of importance. the kids were fed. the kids had clean clothes, the kids didn't kill each other, I wasn't yelling at them EVERY minute. that was my idea of a good day. a very good day was I got food, and I got one job done. a fantastic day, would be if I managed to get two jobs done. please don't imagine for one minute that every mum has everything done everyday. sometimes you are winning if you just manage to get your hair combed. hugs, marie.

  4. The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    Ashfirst  (17-02-2016),binnielici  (17-02-2016),DailyDiversion  (18-02-2016),Freyamum  (17-02-2016),gingermillie  (17-02-2016),Jontu  (17-02-2016),LaDiDah  (17-02-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (17-02-2016),littleriv  (17-02-2016),Mama Mirabelle  (17-02-2016),Mokeybear  (17-02-2016),MrsA2B  (18-02-2016),rosey82  (17-02-2016),~Marigold~  (17-02-2016)

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    I know I've sometimes watched Teen Mom and thought 'well they can get their kids to sleep even in the most outrageous situations, WHY can't I get my child to sleep!'

    I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves - life is so busy and I know I try and do too much. I'm making a conscious effort to slow down and smell the roses (even if it is through piles of washing 😄).

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    How old are your kids? When they are young it is really hard to have time to yourself to do things that you enjoy which aren't children or household related. Once the kids are older and more independent then things should get better.

    I also think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Please don't compare to what you see on tv or people you know. Every family is different and there's always more to the story.

    Is there something you used to enjoy doing before you had kids? Would you have a spare hour or so on the weekend just to dedicate to that?

    Also, I just want to say that there's nothing wrong with having family and home life as your focus if that's what gives you joy. I am sorry if I am misinterpreting your post but I get the impression you are feeling down because you think your life should be more than just kids and the home. It's your life, if that's what you enjoy, if that's what you want to put your energies into then there's nothing wrong with that. Speaking from my own personal experience I have wasted too much energy doing what I think I should do, what people expect me to be doing and achieving when really I am quite happy living in my bubble and enjoying the simple things in life. I don't want to or need to go travel the world, know everything that's going on in the news, experience art and culture etc etc .
    Btw my house is a mess, my kitchen doesn't always get wiped down at the end of the day, there's piles of unwashed clothes, dirty dishes in the sink. Yet my friend always thinks I have it all together and am a "super woman" which I most certainly am not.

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    Hi freyamum, if you are wanting to broaden your horizons and have some 'you time', especially if you have no family around, pop kids in oosh and little one in daycare and start working or do volunteer work. I find working completely liberating. Staying home full time is something i found terribly difficult... just an idea. All the best.

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    If I know someone's coming I hide all the crap that is usually everywhere behind closed doors, throw all the clothes that are around in the washing machine, quickly wash some dishes and vacuum and light a candle and it gives the impression I am a domestic goddess when they arrive- LIES!

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    I need to work in paid employment for my mental health. I've found it doesn't even need to be a "career" position, even minimum wage work that I did after DD before I retrained was better than being a full time SAHM.

    Unfortunately it doesn't actually mean I have more 'me' time for those pursuits and hobbies that used to make me interesting pre-kids. But when I'm employed, I'm more organised, efficient and procrastinate less.

    Full time work was too much for me (I'm a teacher so full time can mean 70 hour weeks during some times of the year) but 2-3 days is awesome!!

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    Im a relief teacher, but would LOVE 2-3 days a week. Work is so hard to get though

  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jontu View Post
    How old are your kids? When they are young it is really hard to have time to yourself to do things that you enjoy which aren't children or household related. Once the kids are older and more independent then things should get better.

    I also think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Please don't compare to what you see on tv or people you know. Every family is different and there's always more to the story.

    Is there something you used to enjoy doing before you had kids? Would you have a spare hour or so on the weekend just to dedicate to that?

    Also, I just want to say that there's nothing wrong with having family and home life as your focus if that's what gives you joy. I am sorry if I am misinterpreting your post but I get the impression you are feeling down because you think your life should be more than just kids and the home. It's your life, if that's what you enjoy, if that's what you want to put your energies into then there's nothing wrong with that. Speaking from my own personal experience I have wasted too much energy doing what I think I should do, what people expect me to be doing and achieving when really I am quite happy living in my bubble and enjoying the simple things in life. I don't want to or need to go travel the world, know everything that's going on in the news, experience art and culture etc etc .
    Btw my house is a mess, my kitchen doesn't always get wiped down at the end of the day, there's piles of unwashed clothes, dirty dishes in the sink. Yet my friend always thinks I have it all together and am a "super woman" which I most certainly am not.
    I think my issue is that I don't enjoy the house organisation side of things. I don't really know how to word this. I know that if I could get us more organised things would feel calmer and I think as I'm not in paid work I should be able to figure it out but then I feel demoralised as I'm basically hopeless at it! And moreover no one can see how much physical and mental effort goes into us just staying afloat they just get cranky when they can't find something. I'm working on getting them to be more independent which is helping but 20 month old is a gorgeous crazy tear away. I guess what's been happening is feeling overwhelmed and unable to get on top of things means I find it hard to relax cus my brain is always thinking about all the mundane stuff that my family all take for granted. And feeling put upon and taken for granted impacts my relationship with my kids if I get cranky with them. Dp and the kids find any house work so dull but they can just toddle off to work / school. It makes me feel trapped that I have to be the responsible one at home but that makes it like working 24/7 so I'm like one of those crazy workaholics that can't switch off and yet everything I do is so invisible that they think I have it easy.
    I'm getting out with bub heaps more now and I'm settling her into an occasional care centre and not coming home while she's there rather I'm doing me stuff then so that might help. I just know I need to not care that I just used toddler nap to eat my lunch and catch up on some personal emails and bub hub etc rather than tidy up, the old me wouldn't even notice the mess. I miss the old me she was more fun!


 

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