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  1. #81
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    For that choose not to have/maintain friendships.... may I ask if you guys are lonely?

  2. #82
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    I do maintain friendships, but i dont have alot of a friends that i see all the time if that makes sense. Im not lonely at all, i love my own company and love the company of my husband and i find that when people want to catch up all the time its quite exhausting and find i have no time to myself / down time. The way i describe it makes me sound like an awful friend. Which Im not, i put the effort in where it is reciprocated and valued if that makes sense.

  3. #83
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    I have someone I call my best friend but I've recently started to ponder this.. I don't feel 'close' to anyone except my DF. I can share anything with my bestie but I don't, as I am a quite closed off mostly. I've only ever really let my DF in, so in that respect I actually think that my DF is my bestie and my 'best friend' is actually just a close friend!

  4. #84
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    Me
    I'm lucky to have a best friend.
    28 yrs of friendship and still going strong.
    Unfortunately we don't even live in the same country any more but we do try get in an epic phone call every 3-6 mths, after which I feel all is right with the world again.

    I also have two other really, really close female friends of about 20 yrs and one very close male friend of about 15 years.

    We stay in contact but as I'm the one who emigrated, I don't see them nearly as much as I would love to.


    Quote Originally Posted by MrsLadyBugg View Post
    I do maintain friendships, but i dont have alot of a friends that i see all the time if that makes sense. Im not lonely at all, i love my own company and love the company of my husband and i find that when people want to catch up all the time its quite exhausting and find i have no time to myself / down time. The way i describe it makes me sound like an awful friend. Which Im not, i put the effort in where it is reciprocated and valued if that makes sense.
    I totally get that.
    I get so wound up if I don't get some me time.
    It's not pretty.
    Even as a child I would pretend I was grounded when my friends called for me to come out to play.
    I just love time alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    For that choose not to have/maintain friendships.... may I ask if you guys are lonely?
    I'm lonely at times for my old friends.
    I don't feel I can make those kind of connections again at this age.
    I just don't have that kind of time to devote and nurture a new friendship so I have to admit that since living here I haven't bothered much.

  5. #85
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    It truly does sadden me when people say they don't have friends. Whilst I understand that some people are happier without it I feel sorry for those that want friends but struggle to meet/maintain them.

    I feel friendships like relationships are like Ferris wheels. You have ups and downs... but you do it together. I will be the first to say I once broke up with my BFF only to feel like an idiot and reignited it a year later.

    Most of you know I've recently relocated to Canberra and am trying to build up a support network. 8 weeks here and I can honestly say I've got about 3 girls I can envisage a long term affair with and another 4 that look promising.

    And there is no way dh is my best friend. We share very few things in common. I married him because he looks smoking hot in his uniform and even hotter out of it. Haha.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Rose&Aurelia&Hannah For This Useful Post:

    KitiK  (03-04-2016)

  7. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    For that choose not to have/maintain friendships.... may I ask if you guys are lonely?
    I used to sometimes get really sad and lonely, but i would let it build up until i'd burst into tears in front of DP, which would leave him confused until i explained why. This was when i cared about my friendships, but it wasn't reciprocated much. I think that's where the lonliness came from. Feeling like someone mattered more to me than i did to them.

    I don't really feel lonely now. I think because i've accepted that i'm not meant to have friends. It does make me sad at times, i'll admit. For the most part i've learnt to be okay with it.

  8. #87
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    I have a BFF of 17 years. I don't see her as much as I'd like, but I can and do tell her anything and everything. She's one of those people who I can go months without speaking to, but as soon as we catch up, it's like we've never been apart.
    I've got some very close friends. One currently in Switzerland, another of those don't talk to for a while but like never been apart. One in Adelaide. One in my home town. One in Mudgee.
    When I was in Canberra I met an amazing group of people that I could have become very close friends with if I'd stayed for a bit longer. They are still some of the only ladies that I can say exactly what I am thinking and feeling, even if I haven't known them for very long.

  9. #88
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    I had a best friend. We knew each other since college. It's nice to have one, I found a sister in here.

  10. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    For that choose not to have/maintain friendships.... may I ask if you guys are lonely?
    I want to have friends. The idea of having a cups and chilling out with people seems nice but between my inability to see friendships through and my struggle with social anxiety, it's hard.

    We moved house yearly as a child. And not just down the road. We were all over the place. Meaning I also changed schools every year. I learned very early on not to invest too much into friendships as I was conditioned to believe friendships are disposable.

    My social anxiety has been crippling since I was a child. Apparently my mother used to ask me what I did at lunch time at school, in my first few years. My answer was always "walk around with my arms folded, looking sad". I can always remember sitting on my own. Other children would come speak to me and ask me to come play but I would freeze because I didn't know what to do.
    It continues now as an adult. I was invited to a Hens party a few months ago and I worked myself up that much, that I just couldn't face going to it in the end. Our street is actually on hubby's work complex so everyone (except me and two other spouses) work there so it's very close knit. There are 3 women's birthdays coming in the next two weeks so they are planning drinks up at the pub. I am already fretting about it because I know I'll be invited. And I get along with these women fine. They are lovely. It's just really, really hard for me.

  11. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    I want to have friends. The idea of having a cups and chilling out with people seems nice but between my inability to see friendships through and my struggle with social anxiety, it's hard.

    We moved house yearly as a child. And not just down the road. We were all over the place. Meaning I also changed schools every year. I learned very early on not to invest too much into friendships as I was conditioned to believe friendships are disposable.

    My social anxiety has been crippling since I was a child. Apparently my mother used to ask me what I did at lunch time at school, in my first few years. My answer was always "walk around with my arms folded, looking sad". I can always remember sitting on my own. Other children would come speak to me and ask me to come play but I would freeze because I didn't know what to do.
    It continues now as an adult. I was invited to a Hens party a few months ago and I worked myself up that much, that I just couldn't face going to it in the end. Our street is actually on hubby's work complex so everyone (except me and two other spouses) work there so it's very close knit. There are 3 women's birthdays coming in the next two weeks so they are planning drinks up at the pub. I am already fretting about it because I know I'll be invited. And I get along with these women fine. They are lovely. It's just really, really hard for me.
    Hugs. It's awful. I have a friend with social anxiety almost as bad as yours. I have it a little, but nowhere near as strong as yours. I find if I make loose plans with her by text, and always reassure her in relation to triggers, she finds it a lot easier. We aren't always in constant contact, but I hope by now the logical part of her can override the anxious part if she needs help, instead of entirely withdrawing.

    I hope you can find someone you can put your trust in, as my friend has with me. I'm really very lucky to have her as a friend, and I love her to bits just as she is. Chances are pretty darn good your friends feel the same way about you 😊


 

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