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  1. #1
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    Default Struggling with guilt

    Hi, I'm trying to reach out to anyone who might have experienced something similar.

    My 2 year old daughter broke her femur on a trampoline accident and I'm absolutely ridden with guilt, thinking that if we had done something different this wouldn't have happened.

    I know I have to move in and be strong for my baby, but I can't stop thinking "what if"

    She is now in a spica cast and won't even be able to sit up for 6-8 weeks, I don't know we are going to get through this.

    My heart aches just writing this.

  2. #2
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    I think we all feel responsible when our kids hurt themselves but honestly, that is childhood. Look at what you have done right. You supplied her with active play equipment that promotes strength, coordination, agility and stamina. You got her the medical treatment that she needed, you are looking after her needs and being alert for changes and complications, and you have addressed if there is something you could do differently next time. You are a great Mumma.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SpecialPatrolGroup For This Useful Post:

    Californication  (13-02-2016),HearMeRoar  (13-02-2016),misskittyfantastico  (13-02-2016),MummaTT  (13-02-2016),Tiny Dancer  (13-02-2016)

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    We've not had any broken bones here, so no direct experience, but I just wanted to say it is absolutely not your fault. Repeat that. It's. Not. My. Fault.

    Kids fall, kids hurt themselves. Accidents happen, so please don't beat yourself up. I know so many kids that have broken bones on trampolines. It's almost a right of passage! My niece broke her arm a decade ago., and my BFF at school broke hers probably 30 years ago. Most of my class broke something at some stage!

    Hope your DD heals well.

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    My eldest son, when he was 3, rolled out of his toddler bed (less than a foot off the ground), onto carpet and broke two bones in his arm. Well one was a fracture but one was a clean snap.
    You might think not having the trampoline or more supervision or cushy pillows around everything will save your child from hurt, but no. If they are going to get hurt, they will. Regardless of what you do. Your job is to protect them from really scary dangerous stuff, and when they get hurt anyway, to be strong for them. Picking up the pieces is just a part of it. Your guilt will always be there. It can't be helped, but all that says is that you are a good mum. Would a bad parent feel guilty? No. Good mums do. But remember that stuff happens sometimes and it's almost always beyond our control.

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    You OP are doing a great job as a mum, honestly.
    When I was growing up my parents were scared of my sister and I hurting ourselves and now I don't even know how to ride a bicycle because it was too dangerous and their fears are part of my life.
    As previous posters have said, kids hurt themselves, they also heal. Don't let this scare you off letting your little one experience life

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    MummaTT  (13-02-2016)

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    Thanks guys it means a lot. Just need a bit of reassurance right now ❤️❤️

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    You poor thing - my DD sprained her ankle last week and I felt awful too. (I know that's not nearly as bad as a broken femur, but I can imagine how you might feel). The others are absolutely right - it isn't your fault.

    I think that sometimes, teaching a child that they can hurt themselves and get over it is actually not a bad lesson...

    Also, the fact that you are so worried that you've posted about it screams out that you really care about your little DD. That emotional security is much more important to a child's development than preventing physical accidents.

    Mark 8 weeks in the calendar and count down the days with your DD until the cast comes off. I did a quick google and found this web page that suggests some activities she can do in the cast too.

    http://www.ivyrosespicachairs.com/101thingstodo.htm

    All the best for a full recovery for your DD.

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    MummaTT  (13-02-2016)

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    Thanks so much Cdro xxx

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    My DD broke her femur when she was 2 as well. It happened when she stood on the door of the oven whilst I was putting her baby brother in his bed. I checked on her before I went into his room and wasn't in there for long when I heard the crash but still the guilt over it happening while I wasn't looking was massive. On top of that, when it happened I lifted the over off her and she crawled away very quickly, I then tried to check her over and she put weight on her leg and was moving it so I didn't realise straight away that there was a break. It was only the enormity of the accident and her drowsiness that made me take her to the hospital but I still feel so guilty for not calling an ambulance straight away.
    In regards to the hip spica, I remember crying the first night in hospital that they couldn't make her wear that for 6 weeks, it was so scary never having seen one before. The doctor assured me that whilst he could use screws and plates to make her leg perfect now, because of the growth plates it wouldn't be perfect latter but with the plaster it would. DD is nearly 9 now and he was so right, her leg gives her now problems, is the same length as the other one, there is no signs of the trauma she went through. You will get through this time even though it seems impossible now. A bean bag was a life saver for seating DD during the day, lots of pillows kept her comfy in bed. We were lucky that she still fitted into her car seat and her pram so with the assistance of rolled up towels placed strategically she could still travel. I'll let you know if I remember anything else we did to get through. DD herself was very resilient and gradually taught herself to pull herself around, pull herself up onto the couch and even walk along furniture (despite our horror at this one!). The worst thing was the urine soaking into the spica and the sores from it rubbing around her hips/waist. All we could do was dress the sores as best as possible and try multiple nappies to stop the urine reaching the plaster. The best moment of the whole ordeal was the day she got it off, DH picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him so tightly then taking her home to give her a nice warm bath for as long as she wanted for the first time in six weeks!
    If you have any questions or just want to talk feel free to PM me

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    Quote Originally Posted by TableDancer View Post
    My DD broke her femur when she was 2 as well. It happened when she stood on the door of the oven whilst I was putting her baby brother in his bed. I checked on her before I went into his room and wasn't in there for long when I heard the crash but still the guilt over it happening while I wasn't looking was massive. On top of that, when it happened I lifted the over off her and she crawled away very quickly, I then tried to check her over and she put weight on her leg and was moving it so I didn't realise straight away that there was a break. It was only the enormity of the accident and her drowsiness that made me take her to the hospital but I still feel so guilty for not calling an ambulance straight away.
    In regards to the hip spica, I remember crying the first night in hospital that they couldn't make her wear that for 6 weeks, it was so scary never having seen one before. The doctor assured me that whilst he could use screws and plates to make her leg perfect now, because of the growth plates it wouldn't be perfect latter but with the plaster it would. DD is nearly 9 now and he was so right, her leg gives her now problems, is the same length as the other one, there is no signs of the trauma she went through. You will get through this time even though it seems impossible now. A bean bag was a life saver for seating DD during the day, lots of pillows kept her comfy in bed. We were lucky that she still fitted into her car seat and her pram so with the assistance of rolled up towels placed strategically she could still travel. I'll let you know if I remember anything else we did to get through. DD herself was very resilient and gradually taught herself to pull herself around, pull herself up onto the couch and even walk along furniture (despite our horror at this one!). The worst thing was the urine soaking into the spica and the sores from it rubbing around her hips/waist. All we could do was dress the sores as best as possible and try multiple nappies to stop the urine reaching the plaster. The best moment of the whole ordeal was the day she got it off, DH picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him so tightly then taking her home to give her a nice warm bath for as long as she wanted for the first time in six weeks!
    If you have any questions or just want to talk feel free to PM me
    Hi Tabledancer,

    How can I pm you ? Sorry I'm new to this only joined today xx


 

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