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  1. #31
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    Meh...public toilets worry me. They worry me because they are concealed, hard to escape from places. They worry me because a 13 year old was raped in a toilet that I used to frequent regularly (I have never used those toilets again). I educate my children that it's safer to go to the toilet with someone, just like I educate them to walk in pairs or a group at night.
    My kids have a lot of independence for their ahes. I'm not worried about any fear I might be inflicting on them. I grew up with one of the world's most anxious mothers, who was raised by THE most anxious mother...and I'm super relaxed. My mother inflicyed nothing on me, except the gratitude that I feel from not being an anxious person. My mum raised me and my brother to be fiercely independent, capable people despite her irrational fears (of which she had, and still has, many). I'm not worried about my kids at all.

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  3. #32
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    My eldest is 6 and it won't be anytime soon. I'm not going to take the risk in a large shopping centre, the beach etc. In a cafe/restaurant? Maybe. If I can see the toilet from where we are sitting.

    I know bad things can happen anywhere, but assaults and public toilets are an all to common occurrence and I'm not taking the chance with my kids safety.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    For me I think 'well what age would I feel ok with letting them be in a dangerous situation where they may get seriously hurt?' And the answer is obviously never. Not when they're 5, not when they're 50. So I try not to let that fear overcome my decision. Of course I fear for my kids' safety constantly, but it's not rational or helpful to keep them wrapped up forever, or even until they are teens IMO.
    Agreed and I overcome my fears on a daily basis and I do think my children are independent and resilient.
    I do let my kids go to public toilets where we live as long as they don't go alone and they'll go to boarding school so definitely not wrapping here but shopping centre and movie toilets? Nup. Safety in numbers.

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  6. #34
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    Yeh I'm with @misskittyfantastico. My 10 year old rides alone to and from school and rides to the shops. My 6 year old goes with her sometimes too. So I do what I can.

    But no to public toilets yet. And to be honest they've never actually asked.

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    I have two boys 8 and 11 and there is no way I would let them use men's public toilets alone (or even together for the most part). They are too big to take into the ladies now (although I would still do this if I had no other choice). I make them use the disabled toilet. I don't know when will be the right time but for now it feels a long way off 😐

  8. #36
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    Not trying to be argumentative- genuinely curious. What age is ok then? I just struggle to understand how anyone could prevent being attacked in a public toilet, regardless of age. So how do you make that call of what is the 'right' age? If my kids are allowed to move around in public on their own, it seems logical that they would also be able to use toilets on their own as well. I think 'well into their teens' seems impractical and over protective. That's where my issue lies. I think it's dangerous to implicitly suggest to young people that the wider world is a dangerous, scary place. I think it leads to fearful adults, and fear leads to hatred and mistrust.
    I think it can also easily slip into victim blaming. If a 13 year old is raped in a public toilet, there should never, EVER be the question of 'why did her parents let her use the bathroom alone?'
    I don't mind what other people decide is right for their children, but it often comes with the moral overtone of 'if anything happens to your child, it's on you'

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  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Not trying to be argumentative- genuinely curious. What age is ok then? I just struggle to understand how anyone could prevent being attacked in a public toilet, regardless of age. So how do you make that call of what is the 'right' age? If my kids are allowed to move around in public on their own, it seems logical that they would also be able to use toilets on their own as well. I think 'well into their teens' seems impractical and over protective. That's where my issue lies. I think it's dangerous to implicitly suggest to young people that the wider world is a dangerous, scary place. I think it leads to fearful adults, and fear leads to hatred and mistrust.
    I think it can also easily slip into victim blaming. If a 13 year old is raped in a public toilet, there should never, EVER be the question of 'why did her parents let her use the bathroom alone?'
    I don't mind what other people decide is right for their children, but it often comes with the moral overtone of 'if anything happens to your child, it's on you'
    Yep. Getting it but please don't ever think I'm trying to be a holier than though, victim blaming so and so, I'm not and I never have been but please don't try and shut down my instincts.
    My instincts drive my parenting and always have. I have an instinct with this one for MY kids.
    My kids do things that others would cringe at/say no way no how but try not to see their choice to not allow that with their kids as a slight on me because it doesn't matter.

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  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Not trying to be argumentative- genuinely curious. What age is ok then? I just struggle to understand how anyone could prevent being attacked in a public toilet, regardless of age. So how do you make that call of what is the 'right' age? If my kids are allowed to move around in public on their own, it seems logical that they would also be able to use toilets on their own as well. I think 'well into their teens' seems impractical and over protective. That's where my issue lies. I think it's dangerous to implicitly suggest to young people that the wider world is a dangerous, scary place. I think it leads to fearful adults, and fear leads to hatred and mistrust.
    I think it can also easily slip into victim blaming. If a 13 year old is raped in a public toilet, there should never, EVER be the question of 'why did her parents let her use the bathroom alone?'
    I don't mind what other people decide is right for their children, but it often comes with the moral overtone of 'if anything happens to your child, it's on you'
    So a question, what protective behaviours do you/will you teach your children?
    Not a hint of snark and something we're continually working through with ours.

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    @FearlessLeader for me it's minimising risk. As in it is less likely something "bad" could happen around town than in a confined space that is not visible unless you are in it.

    I see where you are coming from though, what happens when the cotton wool comes off and I do worry I'm not preparing my boys enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Not trying to be argumentative- genuinely curious. What age is ok then? I just struggle to understand how anyone could prevent being attacked in a public toilet, regardless of age. So how do you make that call of what is the 'right' age? If my kids are allowed to move around in public on their own, it seems logical that they would also be able to use toilets on their own as well. I think 'well into their teens' seems impractical and over protective. That's where my issue lies. I think it's dangerous to implicitly suggest to young people that the wider world is a dangerous, scary place. I think it leads to fearful adults, and fear leads to hatred and mistrust.
    I think it can also easily slip into victim blaming. If a 13 year old is raped in a public toilet, there should never, EVER be the question of 'why did her parents let her use the bathroom alone?'
    I don't mind what other people decide is right for their children, but it often comes with the moral overtone of 'if anything happens to your child, it's on you'
    I really don't know.

    But what I do know is I don't put ages on things anymore. I let my kids do things when I know they're ready. With 4 kids I accept the times are likely to be different. I'll let them when I feel it's ok.

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