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  1. #21
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    I still go with my 10 and a half year old and can't see myself stopping anytime soon. Its no difficulty for me to go with her. If I have DS with me then he comes too. She doesn't know why I go with her, she just accepts it as normal because that's how its always been so its not instilling fear in her about what might happen.

    There are other ways for her to be independent. I see public toilets as a higher risk than many other activities because they are concealed areas, with places for people to loiter and hide (the cubicles), with reasonably good soundproofing, and once inside there is no alternative exit so there is no escape for a vulnerable child. It doesn't pass my personal risk assessment. As opposed to going to the shops where there are plenty of people around, its easy to run and shout for help if someone scares you, and its very open.

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    When ds is either 18 or can prove he can karate chop. Seriously. I will be insisting he uses the disabled toilet quickly over using the men's alone. And I will drill that into him even into his teens. Way too many sick twisted people and I remember Sofia's story too well. Poor baby girl

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I used to feel like you do @LillynixI recall this thread being discussed on here years ago and a very wise old member commented to the effect that what lesson does a child learn going to the toilet alone? It's not like letting them climb a tree.
    My big thing is that they learn that public toilets aren't places to be feared. That they are able and capable of using them on their own, without their mother supervising (because I sure don't supervise at home/friends/family). Of course using public toilets is not something that needs to be 'mastered' and it's certainly not some grand achievement, but it's part of life and I'm not one for dragging four children plus myself, into a filthy public toilet if only 1 of them needs to make use of the facilities.

    Public toilets and the potential weirdos that could maybe be lurking in them, is in the grand scheme of things, not on my radar of things to worry about. But absolutely, this is one of those issues where people's opinions differ, and that's absolutely fine. I certainly don't care if a mother waltzes in with her son to the female toilets (and DH has never cared if a father waltzed in with his daughter to the male toilets - he was often that very father).

    But, as I said, it does all depend on where we are if someone goes with them, but it's less a 'there might be weirdos' scenario and more a 'can I trust them to cross the road/not get distracted by shiny things/not take an hour'
    Last edited by Lillynix; 10-02-2016 at 19:24.

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  5. #24
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    A 13 year old girl was raped in a local shopping centre toilet in broad daylight. The man just went and hid in there and waited for is next victim, who just happened yo be a 13 year old...so I want to say never. I still accompany my kids to the toilet and they don't complain about it yet. I think when they do I'll just pretend I need to go too. Honestly, I don't like going to a public toilet on my own any more...they are such an easy place to be trapped.

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  7. #25
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    I'll preface this by saying I am not a paranoid person. But with regard to public toilets. Yep I am a little paranoid.

    So that's why I still take them to the toilet. I'd rather my kids always ask an adult to accompany them no matter where they are then not to be honest.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'll preface this by saying I am not a paranoid person. But with regard to public toilets. Yep I am a little paranoid.

    So that's why I still take them to the toilet. I'd rather my kids always ask an adult to accompany them no matter where they are then not to be honest.
    This is me.
    All I know is that my gut lurches at the thought of predators hiding in public toilets and I have to follow my mum gut on this one.

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    80 year old women get raped, maybe they shouldn't use public toilets alone.
    I am firmly in the camp of- the danger of children not learning independence and resilience is far greater than the danger of them coming to harm by evil people. I honestly don't think people consider that danger anywhere near as much as they should.
    For me, that balance is when I think my children should be learning to navigate the world on their own. Around 8 or so I would let my children walk to a friend's house alone, around 11-12 I wold let them go into town by themselves/with friends. So somewhere in between those ages.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    80 year old women get raped, maybe they shouldn't use public toilets alone.
    I am firmly in the camp of- the danger of children not learning independence and resilience is far greater than the danger of them coming to harm by evil people. I honestly don't think people consider that danger anywhere near as much as they should.
    For me, that balance is when I think my children should be learning to navigate the world on their own. Around 8 or so I would let my children walk to a friend's house alone, around 11-12 I wold let them go into town by themselves/with friends. So somewhere in between those ages.
    Yep, I get this so much and I go over this argument in my own head all the time.
    I think because mine are 8 and 10 and I'm not sure when? As I said, my mum gut just says not yet.

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Yep, I get this so much and I go over this argument in my own head all the time.
    I think because mine are 8 and 10 and I'm not sure when? As I said, my mum gut just says not yet.
    For me I think 'well what age would I feel ok with letting them be in a dangerous situation where they may get seriously hurt?' And the answer is obviously never. Not when they're 5, not when they're 50. So I try not to let that fear overcome my decision. Of course I fear for my kids' safety constantly, but it's not rational or helpful to keep them wrapped up forever, or even until they are teens IMO.

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    This is something I've started thinking about. DS1 is 5.5 and already questioning why he has to go into women's toilets with me. I tried to compromise by saying he could go in (to the women's) without me when we were at a playcentre recently but got all nervous after about 30 seconds and followed him in.

    I'm fortunate that all shopping centres near me have family/parent's rooms with toilets and for the most part anywhere we go otherwise we have DH as well and he takes them. I don't think I would feel comfortable until they're at least 10. I'm hoping to get them into martial arts as well though to give them some confidence and skill in managing an incident where they might be physically restrained. But maybe I'm living in la-la land.


 

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