Oh thank you so much for the positive energy and support everyone I REALLY needed it today . One thing I've noticed is in 2 days no one has said anything positive to me. No encouragement. No 'you're doing a good job'. Am going to give that feedback before I leave. A few kind encouraging words go a long way when you feel like this.
A long update. So I lost it this morning (tears) at breakfast when DH arrived and our day shift nurse came on shift (same nurse I had yesterday arvo). She was trying to say it was fine that DD had 7.5 hours total sleep last night. I was like are you serious you think that's ok and if you think it's ok for her to go to bed at 9 get up at 5 (including half hour wake up at 1am) then I'm going to lose my mind through sheer exhaustion. I am getting 2-3hr blocks of sleep only since before xmas, I would kill for a 4-5 hour block of sleep 😢
She then suggested I need to see a social worker. These people do not get it. I am not depressed (I work in health care I'm very self aware I've done the postnatal depression tests on myself when I've been worried) I am just tired and frustrated. I just kept asking am I being unreasonable in my expectations and how is it ok for a 7 month old to sleep 7.5hrs?? And I said she has always gone to bed 6:30-7:30 because she's ready. They are adamant it causes early waking which wasn't our issue til this morning after her late bedtime. Ugh.
So then the manager came looking for me 'for a chat'. She was like I just want to make sure you feel your stay here is useful. So I responded with why do you think I feel my stay here isn't useful. I feel like I've been pegged as 'difficult' which I hate. Anyway she agreed that the late bedtime is not appropriate. I also suggested that the first day/evening should be observation and assessment. Watch me and my baby see how we do things so you can see the problems in action and spend the next 2 nights/3 days working on changes. She was very receptive to that which was good.
Plus side DD did better with food today - she does hate being spoonfed so we gave all finger food and she loved it. Obviously less volume will go in but she wasn't getting much anyway and this way she at least has a good food experience.
She went down at 8pm and I have said I want to try resettle rather than automatic feeding overnight. I think getting her up to feed at 5am was a mistake she wasn't really hungry and that woke her up too much. I said to them I don't think it's reasonable to feed a 7.5 month old 3-4 hourly overnight! She was steady at 50th centile for weight for several months but with all the night feedings (2-4) the past 2 months she's gone to 75th centile!! They just keep on with the line that it's normal for babies her age to feed 3-4hrly overnight.
Anyway we go from here hoping for a better night/morning. So thankful DH was here today I really needed that emotional support and he enabled me to get a 1.5hr nap in this morning and took us for a walk this arvo.
This is not the panacea I was hoping for. But I keep learning bits along the way of what does and doesn't work for us as a family. So I'll take bits and pieces away and fold that into what does suit us and muddle through. Thanks again the supportive messages today were just what I needed 😘