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  1. #21
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    Oh thank you so much for the positive energy and support everyone I REALLY needed it today . One thing I've noticed is in 2 days no one has said anything positive to me. No encouragement. No 'you're doing a good job'. Am going to give that feedback before I leave. A few kind encouraging words go a long way when you feel like this.
    A long update. So I lost it this morning (tears) at breakfast when DH arrived and our day shift nurse came on shift (same nurse I had yesterday arvo). She was trying to say it was fine that DD had 7.5 hours total sleep last night. I was like are you serious you think that's ok and if you think it's ok for her to go to bed at 9 get up at 5 (including half hour wake up at 1am) then I'm going to lose my mind through sheer exhaustion. I am getting 2-3hr blocks of sleep only since before xmas, I would kill for a 4-5 hour block of sleep 😢
    She then suggested I need to see a social worker. These people do not get it. I am not depressed (I work in health care I'm very self aware I've done the postnatal depression tests on myself when I've been worried) I am just tired and frustrated. I just kept asking am I being unreasonable in my expectations and how is it ok for a 7 month old to sleep 7.5hrs?? And I said she has always gone to bed 6:30-7:30 because she's ready. They are adamant it causes early waking which wasn't our issue til this morning after her late bedtime. Ugh.
    So then the manager came looking for me 'for a chat'. She was like I just want to make sure you feel your stay here is useful. So I responded with why do you think I feel my stay here isn't useful. I feel like I've been pegged as 'difficult' which I hate. Anyway she agreed that the late bedtime is not appropriate. I also suggested that the first day/evening should be observation and assessment. Watch me and my baby see how we do things so you can see the problems in action and spend the next 2 nights/3 days working on changes. She was very receptive to that which was good.
    Plus side DD did better with food today - she does hate being spoonfed so we gave all finger food and she loved it. Obviously less volume will go in but she wasn't getting much anyway and this way she at least has a good food experience.
    She went down at 8pm and I have said I want to try resettle rather than automatic feeding overnight. I think getting her up to feed at 5am was a mistake she wasn't really hungry and that woke her up too much. I said to them I don't think it's reasonable to feed a 7.5 month old 3-4 hourly overnight! She was steady at 50th centile for weight for several months but with all the night feedings (2-4) the past 2 months she's gone to 75th centile!! They just keep on with the line that it's normal for babies her age to feed 3-4hrly overnight.
    Anyway we go from here hoping for a better night/morning. So thankful DH was here today I really needed that emotional support and he enabled me to get a 1.5hr nap in this morning and took us for a walk this arvo.
    This is not the panacea I was hoping for. But I keep learning bits along the way of what does and doesn't work for us as a family. So I'll take bits and pieces away and fold that into what does suit us and muddle through. Thanks again the supportive messages today were just what I needed 😘

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  3. #22
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    We're all here for you and we love you and think you're awesome sauce!!
    You did so well speaking up and you have the most amazing mindset - just take from this experience the things that YOU find useful for your daughter and your family.

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    gingermillie  (11-02-2016)

  5. #23
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    Any better tonight Hun? I find those timings awful too. 9pm! Yeah if she was 3/4 months old but not 7 months old. I hope you've had help from a different nurse tonight who understands properly the issues keeping her from sleeping and a proper solution that's not 9pm to be and 3 feeds over night and 5am wake up.

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    gingermillie  (11-02-2016)

  7. #24
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    I can't believe what the sleep school was suggesting.. 9pm... 3-4 hourly feeds overnight...Omg.

    I actually think you have a really good plan. Bed at 8, try and resettle first, don't be fussed if sleep school has the magical answer, just try and pick up little things that will go into your parenting toolkit.

    You are very aware of your family's needs - you have your head screwed on right and just need a bit of reinforcement to get you through... Hopeful to the sleep school can provide that tonight!

    Hang in there mumma! Xx

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    gingermillie  (11-02-2016)

  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    We're all here for you and we love you and think you're awesome sauce!!
    You did so well speaking up and you have the most amazing mindset - just take from this experience the things that YOU find useful for your daughter and your family.
    Gosh thank you @misskittyfantastico that is very sweet of you xx

  10. #26
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    So I had a much better night. She went to sleep by 8, woke at 12 and I resettled. Didn't call the nurse as they would have said its been 5hrs feed her. So resettled (no crying just a wake up grizzle and I gave her her face cloth to cuddle which is a no-no here and rocked the cot for a few minutes then hopped back into bed) and she went back to sleep to 3:15 at which point I fed her then she slept til 7 not a peep. That was an awesome night for me!
    I guess I'm really disappointed that they haven't discussed possible causes for waking aside from she's not having enough solids and goes to bed too early (in their opinion but I think we all agree that's BS). There's been no discussion of sleep environment, temperature, observation of how she goes to sleep, how she is when she wakes.
    I think what I'll take from this is focusing on solids, 2 day naps only with longer awake times during the day and more of a structure around getting up/feeding/meals. And importantly this visit has given me confidence that she can sleep in a strange place so I'm going to book a family weekend away for next month

  11. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    So I had a much better night. She went to sleep by 8, woke at 12 and I resettled. Didn't call the nurse as they would have said its been 5hrs feed her. So resettled (no crying just a wake up grizzle and I gave her her face cloth to cuddle which is a no-no here and rocked the cot for a few minutes then hopped back into bed) and she went back to sleep to 3:15 at which point I fed her then she slept til 7 not a peep. That was an awesome night for me!
    I guess I'm really disappointed that they haven't discussed possible causes for waking aside from she's not having enough solids and goes to bed too early (in their opinion but I think we all agree that's BS). There's been no discussion of sleep environment, temperature, observation of how she goes to sleep, how she is when she wakes.
    I think what I'll take from this is focusing on solids, 2 day naps only with longer awake times during the day and more of a structure around getting up/feeding/meals. And importantly this visit has given me confidence that she can sleep in a strange place so I'm going to book a family weekend away for next month
    That's great news! I love how you've managed to turn this so positively.

    It's hard when people say 'it's lack of solids, or they need more solids', particularly when bubs is not interested or consuming much. My first DS was not a big eater (there are a few threads from me on that one) and people saying feed him more did my head in. He was just not interested. He still hardly eats at 4yrs but is happy, healthy & sleeps through the night.

    Enjoy the family trip 😀

  13. #28
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    Default Sleep school sucks 😢

    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    Oh thank you so much for the positive energy and support everyone I REALLY needed it today . One thing I've noticed is in 2 days no one has said anything positive to me. No encouragement. No 'you're doing a good job'. Am going to give that feedback before I leave. A few kind encouraging words go a long way when you feel like this.
    A long update. So I lost it this morning (tears) at breakfast when DH arrived and our day shift nurse came on shift (same nurse I had yesterday arvo). She was trying to say it was fine that DD had 7.5 hours total sleep last night. I was like are you serious you think that's ok and if you think it's ok for her to go to bed at 9 get up at 5 (including half hour wake up at 1am) then I'm going to lose my mind through sheer exhaustion. I am getting 2-3hr blocks of sleep only since before xmas, I would kill for a 4-5 hour block of sleep 😢
    She then suggested I need to see a social worker. These people do not get it. I am not depressed (I work in health care I'm very self aware I've done the postnatal depression tests on myself when I've been worried) I am just tired and frustrated. I just kept asking am I being unreasonable in my expectations and how is it ok for a 7 month old to sleep 7.5hrs?? And I said she has always gone to bed 6:30-7:30 because she's ready. They are adamant it causes early waking which wasn't our issue til this morning after her late bedtime. Ugh.
    So then the manager came looking for me 'for a chat'. She was like I just want to make sure you feel your stay here is useful. So I responded with why do you think I feel my stay here isn't useful. I feel like I've been pegged as 'difficult' which I hate. Anyway she agreed that the late bedtime is not appropriate. I also suggested that the first day/evening should be observation and assessment. Watch me and my baby see how we do things so you can see the problems in action and spend the next 2 nights/3 days working on changes. She was very receptive to that which was good.
    Plus side DD did better with food today - she does hate being spoonfed so we gave all finger food and she loved it. Obviously less volume will go in but she wasn't getting much anyway and this way she at least has a good food experience.
    She went down at 8pm and I have said I want to try resettle rather than automatic feeding overnight. I think getting her up to feed at 5am was a mistake she wasn't really hungry and that woke her up too much. I said to them I don't think it's reasonable to feed a 7.5 month old 3-4 hourly overnight! She was steady at 50th centile for weight for several months but with all the night feedings (2-4) the past 2 months she's gone to 75th centile!! They just keep on with the line that it's normal for babies her age to feed 3-4hrly overnight.
    Anyway we go from here hoping for a better night/morning. So thankful DH was here today I really needed that emotional support and he enabled me to get a 1.5hr nap in this morning and took us for a walk this arvo.
    This is not the panacea I was hoping for. But I keep learning bits along the way of what does and doesn't work for us as a family. So I'll take bits and pieces away and fold that into what does suit us and muddle through. Thanks again the supportive messages today were just what I needed 😘
    Hey Hun,

    Just a short reply as DD is due awake any min!

    I wanted to say I feel your pain. As you know we've shared similar journeys and for me a 3hr block is amazing!!

    I also called the major sleep help people Tresillian and I was less than impressed with what they told me on the phone. It's stopped me getting a referral as I feel already it's just not for me. DD is sometimes awake every hour unless she's with me and then I get the 3hrs so I know some kind of help is needed by the time she's one.

    In short tho Hun please don't beat yourself up. Especially about needing DH there with you. Your LO is his daughter too and it's always worth remembering that our partners often would kill for a little more time with their babies.. He's probably glad to help I'm sure. Part of being married, it's a team effort.

    You're also doing a great job so don't forget that.

    A few things I will say tho. I'm dubious of a 'cookie cutter' bedtime and wake up time for all babies. My baby loves to go at 8.30 and wake up at 6.30.. She gets sod all sleep with all the wake ups but is a VERY active and hyper little lady. Just the same as I like to be in bed at 10.30.. Others prefer midnight. Take it all with a pinch of salt and take what you want from the experience.

    I've also got the deets of a private sleep consultant whose been recommended to me. I'll PM you. She works remotely and will always be there till you feel it's solved.

    Bear in mind tho Hun that things are always changing. Try not to get too hung up on how she slept in the past as she's changing and developing constantly and so will her sleep.

    My latest thing is to read the baby and not the clock. It's made my household a lot more relaxed and routine has kind of fallen into place. She sleeps when she's tired. If your DD likes a 6.30 bed time then good on her!!

    Right. Must dash. Big hugs!! Xxxx

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  15. #29
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    How's it going @gingermillie?

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  17. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    One thing I've noticed is in 2 days no one has said anything positive to me. No encouragement. No 'you're doing a good job'.
    They just keep on with the line that it's normal for babies her age to feed 3-4hrly overnight.
    So I'll take bits and pieces away and fold that into what does suit us and muddle through.
    I found sleep school lacking on the positive reinforcement, too. Giving the feedback is great - I'm glad they listened to your suggestions!

    They kept trying to tell me the reason DS wakes is because he's hungry - I can tell you he definitely isn't (wasn't back then either!). He did go through a period for about 2 weeks where he went back to 4 hourly feeds around 7 to 8 months... but that stopped as quickly as it started.

    I, too, took the bits that worked for us and left the rest. I hope you find the right combination!

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