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  1. #1
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    Default Work crush late night ramble

    It's about 3 hours past my bedtime and I can't sleep. It's probably all the crap food and caffeine I've had today.
    But now I'm at that point it's late, I'm tired and I'm thinking about the big things in the universe (like who really let the dogs out).

    I'm also thinking about work and the people I work with.
    * Ill preface this by saying I love DP and we are in a happy relationship with a 20 month old. *

    So I really really enjoy the company of a male at work. We work in a close environment where everyone is friendly. We often have shared lunch breaks (scheduled that way by our rostering team) and make each other a morning coffee if one is in earlier than the other. We walk to and from the station together (again unplanned but our trains come in at the same time) I probably have a crush on him but it's a harmless school kid type thing nothing either of us would dream of pursuing.


    I feel like this is a common thing in a workplace and I think if it was a female I wouldn't even be overthinking this. But then I thought what if the situation was reversed? What if DP was me in this scenario? I have a fiery Mediterranean passion (ie jealous haha) and don't think I would be comfortable with it.

    Do you have a relationship like this at work? Would you feel comfortable if your partner was in a similar position?

    Is it common and should I stop beating myself up over this! Now that I'm thinking about it I am feeling really guilty!

  2. #2
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    I think about these situations like this - if the person you are enjoying the company of was a female collegue (presuming you are heterosexual) would you be losing any sleep over this? Why are we restricted to only having friendships with people of the same gender?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    I think about these situations like this - if the person you are enjoying the company of was a female collegue (presuming you are heterosexual) would you be losing any sleep over this? Why are we restricted to only having friendships with people of the same gender?
    Yes precisely! If it was a female I would not be feeling guilty. And I haven't felt guilty before tonight. But I'm also not sexually attracted to women haha.

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    I work in a male dominated industry, so most of my colleagues are male. I've had (and still do) friendships like yours, and to me it's no big deal - they're just like female friendships, except with different dangly bits! My DH also seems supremely unconcerned about it. TBH, he has similar friendships with female colleagues (he works in the same industry so the women are in a similar position to me) and it doesn't stress me. If cross-gender friendships weren't acceptable, then the women in my industry would be pretty lonely.

    If you and your DP are both comfortable and confident in your relationship, and you and your colleague are both just friends and neither of you would ever try to make it more than that, then it's all good (even with a little crush).
    Last edited by Gentoo; 09-02-2016 at 05:02.

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    How would you feel if your DP was with you? Would you be happy to walk with your colleague and all have lunch together? I only work with women so can't comment on that part of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CleverClogs View Post
    How would you feel if your DP was with you? Would you be happy to walk with your colleague and all have lunch together? I only work with women so can't comment on that part of it.
    DP will be starting work with our team in 2 weeks so it will be interesting to see how it pans out.

    Our lunch breaks are scheduled into a pretty micro managed roster so if it so happens that our lunch break all falls at the same time we would probably all be having lunch together and playing happy families.

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    I thinks it's normal to have these feelings but it all comes down to intentions and knowing when to draw the line if things are getting too close.
    Your same lunch times and commute is unplanned so no problem there. But if you were deliberately and constantly planning it then I would say it would be better not to.

    Not directed at you, but just speaking in general, I find it really hard to believe when people who have affairs say they didn't mean for it to happen and that it was out of no where etc etc, I really think there would have been something going on and leading up to it before the line got crossed.

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    Boy was I overthinking it or what last night! I've had a cold the last couple of days and have just been feeling shocking along with not getting to sleep until midnight (I'm normally asleep by 8.30!!) and up at 6 with a sick toddler in between .

    I def over analysed and now I'm sure it's going to be so awkward (my end only) when I see him today. Although I do love getting to work and there's a hot coffee on my desk.

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    I think to a degree it's normal. we spend more waking hours per week with these people than our own family and when you find someone with whom there's things in common, you get along, plus you have the whole work dynamic thing in common, well it's bound to follow that maybe some kind of attraction might happen.

    I think a harmless "school kid" crush is different to actively pursuing someone. you enjoy each others company, big deal. and as you say, if it were a female you would think nothing of it. you feel bad however because it's a guy.

    I'm the same as you re hotheaded European temperament and if it was my dh i'd be devastated if he had a little work crush mate lol.

    do you ever go drinking together with this guy? I find that's where the trouble can start. I had a guy at my old work quite a few years ago now that was like this with me. he was a bit younger but we got along and enjoyed each others company. in fact everyone used to tell me he had a crush on me and would follow me around like a lost puppy lol. we used to go out drinking a fair bit after work and got really really drunk one time. we ended up kissing 😳😳

    I don't know wtf that was all about and it was a bit awks on Monday at work but it was a one off and never happened again. in fact he later told me he's gay. wtf.

    anyway I think this kind of situation has the potential to deteriorate into something messy and dangerous but you have a kid together with dp, I doubt you're partying after work on a Friday night til 2am.

    keep it friendly and above board and I don't see an issue really.

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    We have been in group drinking situations quite a few times including the infamous Christmas party. He didn't try anything and I'm Mother Theresa when I drink.


 

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