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  1. #1
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    Default 6 year old DD and boys

    Hey there,

    My 6yr old DD came to me recently, quite upset, and said all I ever dream about is the boys in my class. I took a minute to get past my 'oh' and asked, what is it that you dream about them. She replied 'I just want them to love me' and was quite melancholy - which is unusual. She is a sensitive girl, but this was new to me. I ask her if it bothered her and she said 'well - I just really wish it would come true one day'.
    It came up again yesterday and I'm just not sure how to address it. I have a wonderful relationship with DH and other men in my life and I see the benefit and happiness that having a great man in my life brings, but part of me wants to say to her - 'you don't need a man to be happy!'. I didn't say this, what I did say was that she has plenty of people (male and female) who love her. This didn't seem to help. I also told her to think about how they treat her and if they are nice/good to her. She said they don't really talk to her at all. I said that's probably pretty normal for boys of that age. I suggested she talk to her brother (7yr old) and said he probably doesn't talk to the girls in his class either. Any other suggestions on how to handle this? Her neediness is what has stumped me. And the fact that it wasn't a boy just any of them! Oh dear

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    i dont know . do you think she has some sort of fixation to cinderella?? thinking back to when my girls were this age, they had a different boyfriend every day. they would say their name aloud to see which boy had the 'best' surname for their name. it was all just fun. i dont know how serious your dd is feeling. ?? i would try to have a family discussion. ??? marie

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    Odd. I have never experienced that with my kids. I wonder if she has been watching too many Disney princess movies? It's not really something that a 6yo would naturally fixate on IMO, she has to have gotten the idea from somewhere.

    I certainly would be saying that she doesn't need a boy to be happy! I would just explain to her that she can have lots of good friends, it doesn't matter of they're boys or girls, and that it's great to have good friends that love you and care about you.
    If she is talking specifically about wanting a boyfriend, I would be reminding her that she is still a little girl, and that boyfriends are for teenagers. And then continue just to focus on having good friendships.

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    She hasn't said anything about having a boyfriend - just sadly says she wishes that they would love her. We have read Cinderella, but not excessively and she hasn't watched any Disney princess movies (7yr old DS usually hogs what they watch and it's usually animal based shows that they both enjoy). I'll try again with the 'good friend' and people who care for you. Thank for the replies!

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    Does she mean love just in the same way the girls 'love' her? My DD (also 6) 'loves' all her best friends (girls). The same as she might say eg. 'no one in 1A loves me'?? But in this case 'none of the boys love me'?? DD goes to an only girls school so we haven't had to deal with boy vs girl friendships at school but I wonder if it's just that she has noticed the boys all tend to play with other boys/groups, and she would like to be able to play with them?

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    Hmmm I would ask the teacher how her friendships are at school. Is she playing with friends who are girls or is it a mix? Are they playing chasey games and trying to catch each other or vise versa? Maybe lunchtime games get them upset with each other? I also believe it's not "Disney stories" that cause girls to have unrealistic expectations BUT everyday tv shows like the wonderful Home and Away 😤
    Good luck it sounds like you're handling her and the emotions she has really beautifully.

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    Good job handling the situation thus far. I would try and get to the bottom of where your DD is learning this behavior from. Kids don't come up with concepts such as needing a man all by themselves. It could be playground games so check with the teacher. Watch what TV your dd is exposed to (eg Home and Away). Have a think about the male and female adults (including young ones aka teenagers) who your DD is exposed to who may model this type of behavior.

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    Thanks for the lovely comments 😘. We have no tv on weekdays for the kids and a parental lock which only allows 'g' rated. So the shows are pretty well monitored. We took off abc3 about 12months because of ds (7 yr old) boy there is some crap still rated 'g'. I do think she mixes up like and love but I'm kinda worried this longing comes from my example! I adore my DH. We've been together for 17yrs married for 10 and I really love him so much. I often say to all our kids how lucky we are to have such a great daddy/husband. He says the same of me. As I said before it was the neediness and longing I hear in her voice that bothers me. I am a strong and independent woman, and DH treats me as such. It's that long lost teenager (myself) that she reminds me off, although she is so much younger! Don't want her going down my pre DH days!!

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    DD (at the time 7) spoke to me once with great concern because she didn't know who she was going to marry! She wanted to know when you meet the person you will marry because she wants to get married. In my brain I'm thinking WTF! But thankfully I remembered my niece going through this whole getting married obsession at about the same age - and her parents aren't married!

    I don't know where exactly these ideas come from. I think it is just schoolyard conversations being applied to their own limited reference of knowledge and they sort of add 2 +2 and get 7!

    We just used it as an opportunity to talk about what marriage means.

    Perhaps have a chat with her about what 'love' means to her and how she knows that someone loves her? Eg. It could be she thinks if you love someone you hug them and the boys never hug her but the girls do.


 

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