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  1. #1
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    Default Playdates

    So there is a boy ds1 goes to school with whom he isn't close to, they get along and play together at school which I think is enough. The mother keeps insisting on playdates in which I have agreed to on occassions although ds1 isn't overly fussed. Playdates are usually at our place, only once have they been at the other boys place as their house is very untidy and smelly as ds put it and he said he didn't want to go there again. The mother doesn't work and has 4 boys all with speech and learning problems and from what I can gather her boys don't make friends easily and she initiates playdates for her boys alot to the point other mums have got fed up. I however have up to recently allowed the playdates and have been tolerant. Over the school holidays the mum text me requesting a playdate and I declined (first time ever I have said no) and explained it was school holidays and dh and I were juggling the boys taking time off alternately at this time and the boys were with a friends mum for part of that week til I got home from work then she would go to work and I look after her kids with mine etc and I was studying too. She didn't take it well and has been ignoring me since and putting little narky posts on facebook which I know are directed at me. Then low and behold she says hello to me on Thursday at school and on Friday there is an invite in ds's bag for her sons bday party, I'm thinking that's why she started talking to me so ds would go to her sons party. However ds has cubs Monday's after school so can't go so I declined telling her that and now the facebook posts have started again. I'm really over it. Her son isn't a good friend of ds's, being sociable at school is enough. I don't want to be rude but i've decided there won't be any further playdates.

    Anyone experienced simular and how did you handle it?

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    He's your son and ultimately it is your decision if you accept/decline the play dates or not. I just wanted to say, from the persperspective of an SLP, children with speech and language difficulties often have difficulty forging friendships and if this is the case I can see that it could be heartbreaking for a parent. I have personally seen many parents of children with speech and language difficulties facilitate play dates as a means to help their kids make friends.

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    I think also it has a lot to do with how you get along with the mum as well. At playdates when my kids were young or even at birthday parties, I never dropped my kids off. I always stayed. Last year was the first time i ever dropped my kids off and picked them up. They were 8 and 10. If it is someone I don't know that well, then I would stay while my kids played, but that's me. Ultimately, if your little fellow doesn't show much interest in the other little boy, just be honest. If I was a parent who was pushing for a playdate (i am not that pushy, I don't really care lol) I would rather be told the truth. It's up to you how you handle it.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 06-02-2016 at 19:32.

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    Default Playdates

    I feel sorry for the mum. 4 kids with various special needs. If her child is anything like my eldest withy speech difficulties he is still learning how to play appropriately and make friends. Which my DS desperately wants to do. Breaks my heart when he doesn't get included on birthday party invite lists. I am worried about my DS's upcoming 5th birthday. What if I send out invites to his class and no one comes because they have various appointments? (Whether it be cub scouts or something else).

    The mum is probably inviting your DS because she likes you, likes your DS and wants her DS to make friends. Unless she has told you her Facebook posts are directed at you please don't assume they are - her life is likely very complex and there are a million other things besides you that could be ****ing her off enough to spark a Facebook post.

    Why don't you like her? Smelly house? Messy house? Kids speech is delayed?

    Sorry Kimberly you know I have a soft spot for you however I'm feeling rather sad for this mum and her DS at the moment.

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    To try and answer your question in a less personalized manner - there was a kid in my ds1's daycare room that was notorious for being very rough with other kids. He was talked about by others. I didn't want my DS paying with him (but kept that to myself). I assumed he had some challenges to deal with. Now he is in my DS's preschool class. Last week in class I saw him 'tap?' (I wouldn't say 'whack' as there wasn't enough force for that) A toy car on my DS's face. At first I thought to myself "what are you doing buddy???!" Then the they kids mum stepped in and said "hey, Fred be gentle." My DS was busy playing with another car still. I saw the look in the other mums face and she was just a normal mum trying to do her best like me. So I left it at that and didn't say anything. Now I think of it perhaps 'Fred' was trying to initiate play with my DS. Who knows.

    What I plan on doing is to play things by ear. Unless Fred is being intentionally violent towards DS I will stand back. Even though I have some reservations if Freds mum invites DS to a play date I will accept as long as we are free. I like my personal space so play dates every weekend may not work however I will make sure if I have to decline an invite the other mum knows it is because I am busy and not because I don't want my DS to play with her boy.

    I want to encourage my DS to have a wide group of friends (this is one of the best ways to encourage resilience in kids) and to have a soft spot for people who are shunned by others (I saw a lot of bullying when I was in highschool which was disgusting. This is probably driving my view here).

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  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barnaby View Post
    He's your son and ultimately it is your decision if you accept/decline the play dates or not. I just wanted to say, from the persperspective of an SLP, children with speech and language difficulties often have difficulty forging friendships and if this is the case I can see that it could be heartbreaking for a parent. I have personally seen many parents of children with speech and language difficulties facilitate play dates as a means to help their kids make friends.
    This!

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I feel sorry for the mum. 4 kids with various special needs. If her child is anything like my eldest withy speech difficulties he is still learning how to play appropriately and make friends. Which my DS desperately wants to do. Breaks my heart when he doesn't get included on birthday party invite lists. I am worried about my DS's upcoming 5th birthday. What if I send out invites to his class and no one comes because they have various appointments? (Whether it be cub scouts or something else).

    The mum is probably inviting your DS because she likes you, likes your DS and wants her DS to make friends. Unless she has told you her Facebook posts are directed at you please don't assume they are - her life is likely very complex and there are a million other things besides you that could be ****ing her off enough to spark a Facebook post.

    Why don't you like her? Smelly house? Messy house? Kids speech is delayed?

    Sorry Kimberly you know I have a soft spot for you however I'm feeling rather sad for this mum and her DS at the moment.
    Hi VP. I never said I didn't like the mother. I have nothing to do with her socially but have always been polite, spoken with her when needed to and said hello on a daily basis at school.
    I just don't like her pushiness re the play date thing and I will not force my ds to go somewhere he isn't comfortable or have playdates with someone he doesn't want too any longer. I have been very tolerant with the mum re the playdates up to this point but her manner lately I shouldn't have to tolerate and I won't. Her facebook posts are very obviously directed at me no doubt there. To get cranky when 1 playdate is refused and for valid reasons... comeon!

    And just to add... ds has 2 little besties, one of which is autistic.
    Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 06-02-2016 at 21:59.

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  12. #8
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    Why are you still friends on Facebook with this person? Unfriend!!

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    Honestly, seeing as you don't like the mum, her house etc.. and your son isn't fussed on being his friend outside of school, I think you let things go on a bit long by continually having him over.
    His mum perhaps felt like she'd found a friend or at least someone that was happy to have her son over for a play date on a regular(?) basis and maybe she's feeling hurt?
    I know I would feel beyond hurt and insulted knowing that someone who I thought was in my corner thought I was scummy (house smells, untidy, doesn't work etc..)
    I'd just cut your losses and move on.
    And I totally agree with never making your son go anywhere he isn't comfortable - I wouldn't do that either.
    Last edited by misskittyfantastico; 06-02-2016 at 22:26.

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    Ooh I had a thought, seeing as all four of her children have various special needs, maybe mum does to?
    Her pushiness could be a result of special needs - I know for women, asperges, ASD, ADHD, ADD all present in really different ways.
    Just maybe another angle.

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