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  1. #1
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    Default Jealous toddler and newborn

    I have a 2.5 yo and a 10 day old baby. Miss 2.5 is super jealous. She's happy enough to watch tv or play while I bf but when she decides she wants something else and I can't do it for her she is having huge tantrums. She keeps telling me to put him in the bassinet. Currently DH is off work and has been taking her out to the park/pool etc during the day, but I'm worried about being home alone with both. She has a speech and language delay and is generally high needs to trying to explain anything isn't working. She's become very clingy with DH and he is barely allowed near the baby. She HATES when we bath or change him. I can't get her involved in anything.
    Any tips on how to deal with this? DH will also be on call for work in March and I'm worried about nights with both of them. DD co-sleeps (currently in her bed with dh as the baby is still waking often).

  2. #2
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    Default Jealous toddler and newborn

    My DD1 has asd and is non verbal and I thought it would be a nightmare to look after her and newborn by myself, but we have settled into a routine and things are going great.

    These are some things I do to help when I'm occupied with the baby:

    - make a lunch box of food and water that is easily accessible for dd1

    -have an activity box (stickers, pencils colouring books, new toy) that you only bring out when feeding/putting to sleep

    -limit tv and iPad to when I need dd1 to be quiet and distracted (getting bub to sleep)

    - I bath bub in the big bath tub and DD1 has now started to join her.

    - when dd2 is content I put her in her swing or give her to DH and spend some quality time with dd1

    -can't really offer anything on the sleep front. Dd1 and dd2 start the night in their bed/bassinet and then end up in bed with us.

    Your DD understands more than you think, just keep explaining why things can't happen, make compromises i.e. We will do that later, or redirect her.

    Lots of positive reinforcement when she is gentle with DS and shows interest/ wants to help with DS.

    Maybe change up the roles, DH take DS and you take DD. Give dad some bonding and give DD some mummy time.

    Our dd2 is now 4 mo and we have found what works for us. It gets better x
    Last edited by Leettieb; 06-02-2016 at 22:13.

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    Steph12  (07-02-2016)

  4. #3
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    Sometimes my Ds will sit next to me while I'm feeding Ds2 and have a drink also (small cup of milk of something), and he'll hold a book while I read it. That way he feels as if he's included.
    Have you heard of a picture routine? Maybe this is something you could do with Dd, it become quite a novelty.
    Does she like dolls? Could you get her a doll to feed/ bath/ change while you do baby?

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    DS1 is almost 2 1/2 and DS2 is just 6 months. TBH, the jealousy thing is still ongoing here, although it has reduced a lot since we first brought DS2 home. DS1 will still often try and.interrupt feeding time and putting DS2 down for naps. I start out trying reason with him, and have tried reading stories, having "special" activities, etc. It's had limited success, so sometimes I simply have to resort to turning on the TV or.handing over the tablet to distract DS1 for.15 minutes.

    It is at least improving a little as DS2 gets older. Part of it is that DS2 is more robust now, so I'm less frequently concerned about DS1 accidentally (or deliberately!) hurting him. I've noticed that DS1 is a bit more physical towards DS2 when DH is home, and I think it's because DH gets more angsty about DS2 potentially being hurt, so he tells DS1 off more often, which in turn leads DS1 to do it even more. (He likes getting a reaction, because at least it's attention).

    Now that DS2 can sit by himself, I'm trying to take him off my lap more frequently so that all three of us sit on the floor and play together and DS1 doesn't feel like I'm being monopolised quite as much. It also helps that DS2 is starting to take an interest in DS1's toys, so they can share the experience of playing.

    I also try to constantly reinforce to DS1 that he is his little brother's idol, eg. "Look, DS2 thinks you're being really funny!" or "DS2 loves it when you give him gentle cuddles".

    One big issue here I think is that because DS2 sleeps in our room, DS1 feels like he's a bit excluded. For that reason, we're soon going to move DS2 into his own room. Hopefully DS1 will see it as being a more.equitable situation. On weekends, we try and have at least one "activity" (usually just shopping) where DS2 stays home with DH, and I only take DS1 out with me and try to make him the centre of my attention for a while.

    Not sure that is much help to you, other than to say that with time, they become more used to the situation and it does get easier.
    Last edited by Gentoo; 07-02-2016 at 05:34.

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    Steph12  (07-02-2016)

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    Following! An 18 month old and 2 week old on my hands!


 

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