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  1. #1
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    Default Really want another and then don't

    I felt as soon as dd2 was born that I wasn't done, and wanted at least 1 more ( so we'll have 3) but a few times in the past few weeks I've looked at my girls and felt done.
    I'm confused and wondering if it's a phase.
    Anyone gone from wanting more then not wanting more? Any regrets? I just don't want to wake up in 10 years time and realise I wanted mire. ( age isn't on my side)

  2. #2
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    Yes I was in a similar boat but with 4 kids. My DH and I both wanted 4 kids. We now have 3 DDs and we've both come to the decision that we're done.

    I think now the older 2 are getting bigger and I'm in the thick of school runs, kinder and activities all whilst lugging a toddler around is taking its toll. I used to think that I was an easy going, go with the flow person but I'm becoming increasingly anxious about getting everything done.

    Every so often I get a little bit sad that there won't be any more children but those thoughts are becoming few and far between. I think I would have those thoughts regardless of how many kids I have.

    Good luck x

  3. #3
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    It's such a hard decision to make. Can't offer much insight but we will be in a similar situation shortly, we always discussed just 2 kids, I always thought I only wanted 2. DH recently suggested we don't rule out a third and it's got my head spinning.

    I think you need to figure out the real reasons behind wanting a third and weigh up the pros and cons for your family. I don't think anyone ever regrets having a child - once you have them they're there and you adjust your life accordingly. But it's a huge decision to make, take your time as much as possible, despite your age (?) being a factor it's not a decision that can be rushed IMO.

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    Oh yes very much so! We also said we would like 4 and now after 2 we are umming about, it's just full on! They are only a year apart and more work the older they get, little things are hard now like going to the park as the younger doesn't want to sit in the carrier anymore and the older wants to go and do her own thing. I also often think about the life we could have with 2, we would be very comfortable but then I have to ground myself and ask what it is I really want from life, I have always envisioned being surrounded by children and I know we are not done but have just put the idea on hold for now. This year is about getting back into work a bit, concentrating on my current children and living in the moment. It is really hard to focus on this but when the time is right we will be ready. Don't make any firm decisions just go with it all and give yourself some time and enjoy your bubbas for what they are now, try not to think is this my last etc just treasure them for the individuals they are.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    I felt as soon as dd2 was born that I wasn't done, and wanted at least 1 more ( so we'll have 3) but a few times in the past few weeks I've looked at my girls and felt done.
    I'm confused and wondering if it's a phase.
    Anyone gone from wanting more then not wanting more? Any regrets? I just don't want to wake up in 10 years time and realise I wanted mire. ( age isn't on my side)
    How are you going @maternidade? Still thinking about another? Must be hormones but now I've had DS2 I feel similarly in that I'm not 'done'. I had a really good birth experience this time and so far (very early days), loving the newborn phase, I don't want this to be the last time I have a newbie! And I can't deny it would be nice to try for a girl. Not that there are any guarantees.

    However torn because we had essentially agreed 2 kids would be it. We don't want to make lifestyle sacrifices and pretty sure 3 kids would be unaffordable for us.

    Then I wander if I want another for selfish reasons?? So hard to know. Not that I have to make a decision just yet, may pack away my maternity clothes rather than give them away though...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    How are you going @maternidade? Still thinking about another? Must be hormones but now I've had DS2 I feel similarly in that I'm not 'done'. I had a really good birth experience this time and so far (very early days), loving the newborn phase, I don't want this to be the last time I have a newbie! And I can't deny it would be nice to try for a girl. Not that there are any guarantees.

    However torn because we had essentially agreed 2 kids would be it. We don't want to make lifestyle sacrifices and pretty sure 3 kids would be unaffordable for us.

    Then I wander if I want another for selfish reasons?? So hard to know. Not that I have to make a decision just yet, may pack away my maternity clothes rather than give them away though...
    Still wanting at least one more, but enjoying DD2. It maybe more of a 2.5 year gap due to the financial aspect, those few extra months will help in savings.
    I've had moment where I've thought it's been really nice just the 4 of us but deep down still missing a piece

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    sunnygirl79  (17-03-2016)

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Still wanting at least one more, but enjoying DD2. It maybe more of a 2.5 year gap due to the financial aspect, those few extra months will help in savings.
    I've had moment where I've thought it's been really nice just the 4 of us but deep down still missing a piece
    I guess there is no rush to make a decision, although I am turning 37 this year so I don't want to wait too long if I am to try for another. Our house and car etc are big enough for another but worried how I would cope with 3 and fit in work etc (I have to at least work part time). I am currently studying to change careers but maybe I should shelve that idea. Probably overanalysing! Food for thought I guess. Maybe I will feel different when I have a toddler on my hands again... 😁

  9. #8
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    Im still changing my mind about wanting a 3rd. I really would like another but I honestly dont think I could handle going through the toddler tantrum stage again.
    I can handle lack of sleep, I have had one hotrible sleeper and one great sleeper but tantrums over the right/wrong cup or bowl etc just send me nuts lol
    I know dh doesnt want another but if we did I would like to be working so I have a job I can jump back into after maternity leave

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    sunnygirl79  (17-03-2016)

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    I'm similar. After ds I knew I wasn't done I wanted a second and we wanted a close gap. DD is 6.5 weeks old and the older she's getting the more I'm feeling settled and I know dh is complete at two. I guess I always thought I'd have 3 but now we've got two I can just see how much simpler life can be. I know I'll get clucky - maybe not for the baby but for pregnancy. I feel guilty in saying this but having one of each is making me more settled as if we'd have had a second boy I'm sure I'd have wanted a third.

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    sunnygirl79  (17-03-2016)

  13. #10
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    It took us almost 5 yrs to go for the third. Overall of course no regrets. Logistics are more tricky , we both work full time, but there was a huge piece missing and we couldn't get past it, so we had a third. Careers went on hold etc but we're getting past that now that youngest is 3.5. It wasn't an easy decision for us.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to littleriv For This Useful Post:

    sunnygirl79  (17-03-2016)


 

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