@gorgeousgeorge so right - that story is soooo much better! Thanks for the new way of looking at it!
Hi all! I am new to this forum and I am so glad to have found it! I am from Brisbane age 32 and have just completed my 4th IVF cycle with no luck.. I have low AMH and have never had an embryo make it to blast. We have just made the extremely difficult decision to stop trying with my own eggs and are interested in traveling to Greece for donor eggs. Unfortunately we need to recover financially from the last 12 months of IVF but are hoping to get over there next year but in the meantime am hoping to learn more about the journey and follow some of your stories!
@bindyboop Hi and welcome :-) you sound just like you're right where i was about 3 months ago. It is a really hard decision to make but i found once id made it, things got easier for me. 32 is young for using donor eggs too so im thinking that makes it hard for you too. Im 36 (was 30 when i started trying naturally and 34 when i started ivf). I also did 4 full ivf stim rounds and for 2-4th rounds never had enough eggs to go for a blastocyte transfer. I struggled to let go of my eggs because i just kept thinking "but im not that old-its not like im 50!" I have severe endometriosis though and all the drs have said that it effects egg quality and it seems they were correct. Sometimes i wonder if there's some good eggs hidden in there but to be honest, i cant afford to endlessly keep trying to look for them emotionally, physically and financially, im drained. Ive also been interested anytime i can find youngish ladies who have done donor ivf and i think, "ooh they're youngish too, i wonder why they used donor eggs?" and sure enough, they have endometriosis, so i started getting my head around the fact that ladies who do donor eggs seem to fall into a few categories, its not just for 'older' ladies, some are ladies over 40, some are ladies with very low amh regardless of age, or ladies with severe endo regardless of age or ladies who've done over 4 ivf cycles with unexplained failure and ultimately, they are all ladies who have decided that THE most important thing is just being a mum and having a family. If you let go of your eggs, you can get that dream back. So, that helped me get over the fact that i kept thinking i was too young to 'give up'. At 32, you also have plenty of time to try to have more than 1 child too! The idea of more than 1 was something i thought id have to give up on a long time ago and now that possibilty has been opened up again :-)
I totally understand about having to wait a year. Id be in athens now if i had the money! So ive been saving for 3 months and in september will just have enough $ (borrowed $- redraw on my mortgage!) to do this. And if it doesnt work 1st go, i will have to wait at least 6-8 months to go again but time is something you do have with using a donor.
I came to be here by simply reading along with this thread and was like "wow!" Its so full of ladies with bfp's. Its an ivf success thread really, for ladies that have had a lot of unsuccess previously.
Doing 4 rounds of ivf was the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life so i think you must be a very strong person. Im looking forward to talking to you throughout your journey and wishing you the best..
@Rhino with regards to the article about donor babies having their gestational carriers dna, its pretty cool hey? The science of all that is called 'epigenics'. There was a show about it on the ABC (maybe Catalyst?) a while ago. Ive googled it but it is a very new science so they dont know much yet.
Ive read other stuff about how the bub is also yours 'biologically" because your body grows all the babies flesh, blood, organs etc.. and things like facial expressions and mannerisms, ways of speaking etc... are all learned from imitating parents, so in many ways your baby will be like you (lol, if thats what you want, i think of when i was an awful teenager and sometimes hope they wont be anything like me! Haha!) Also when i think of people i know with kids they seem to have moments where their kids do stuff and they say, 'omg they are so like me' BUT also seen their kids do and say stuff and they are like "i have no idea where that came from or why they are like that" lol, so i think that being amazed and surprised by the uniqueness of each of your kids is something all mums have, iykwim. Im also the black sheep in my family, so maybe I'll have another black sheep bubba to hang out with :-)
Thankyou for sharing your story :-) It is so good to know others are in the same boat!
To be honest, I am still in a disbelief that it has come to this... I have the all clear for endo and have no internal issues other than blocked tubes. My AMH was 3.8 last year which resulted in me getting only 1, 2, 5 and 3 eggs respectively each cycle.. Maybe I do have a good egg or two somewhere but like you there is no way I can afford to keep going to find it!
Hubby and I had a long conversation yesterday after we got the call and shed many tears.. We changed our minds over and over.. discussed never becoming parents and travelling the world.. or buying a house.. I would love to buy a house and I know it is my husbands massive dream however to me it is materialistic and doesn't appeal to me as much when I don't have a family to raise in it. I thought he would think travelling to Greece would be crazy but low and behold.. he was totally up for it!!
The last four months we spent thousands of dollars seeing a naturopath and doing acupuncture and chinese herbs and supplements. Totally changed our diet to pretty much a paleo diet and yet this was our worst cycle yet :-( Now that we have made this decision, we feel like we can live life a little again! I am still young enough that we can take the time to save and have a break before actually doing the donor cycle unlike with my own eggs feeling like it was a constant race!
I am really looking forward to hearing more stories and following these journeys. If I hadn't of come across this, I am not sure what I would have done!
@bindyboop yep, lol, same as me! I wandered around the house in a daze for about a week saying 'i cant believe this has happened to me!' And honestly, i really couldnt believe it for quite a while.
I will have a full mortgage again once i pay for a donor cycle and like you, the whole reason i wanted a house was to have a family, made sure it had a good big backyard, with a gentle slope for riding billy carts down and making summer time water slides etc.
I also found my hubby was totes cool with going to athens too! He said, 'so i have to go in a cup again, but in athens?" And i said yep. And he shrugged, said, 'ok cool', rolled over and went back to sleep (i woke him up in the middle of the night coz i couldnt sleep coz id just had the craziest idea ever!)
In a way its good that you have 12 months to get your head around it. Dr nikos in athens said i could come over 8 weeks after i rang him and if i put my flights on my credit card, i could have gone thrn but i felt a bit panicky and rushed and worried that i might want to change my mind because i hadnt thought about it for very long. So im glad I'll be waiting for 4 months because i know I'll have had enough time to digest and be 100 % certain.
Its really nice your partner is up for the journey. I think my hubby was just like its all been crazy anyway so lets go maximum crazy and he said he cant stand to see me sad anymore (translation: sick of puting up with my ivf meltdowns) its nice to know he literally will do anything for me, even 'going' in a cup in athens :-)
Oh we are so lucky to have supportive husbands!!
With my most recent cycle, I took two weeks off work at the advice of my naturopath so that I could relax after transfer.. yep what transfer?! Now I am just moping around the house. I couldn't sleep last night! Fell asleep for a little while and then got back out of bed at midnight and started googling 'Greece' lol!
September will be here in no time, how exciting!!!! How long will you planning to go for? I am wondering do you have to go through a FS here (I would prefer to cut ties with mine) or can you go directly through Embryoland and perhaps a GP? Also, I hope you don't mind me asking but what sort of ball park figure would you say to save for including everything like flights and accommodation?
@bindyboop oh, and i also know what you mean about adjusting your entire lifestyle to try to improve results. Ive spent so much on vitamins, worried about everything i did and didnt do for 2 years and it had no effect. Once id decided to use donor eggs, i had the first guilt free cafeinated coffee in 2 years and it felt sooooo good! Ive been able to go back to my normal self and lose all the (misplaced) guilt about lifestyle and egg quality.
@bindyboop dont stress about asking me anything lol, ive been blabbing about my private parts and life on these forums for months haha.
My FS in australia is very supportive and said 'we just want you to get your baby' so i need him to give me scripts and forms for blood tests. So if you dont like your FS, you will need to find a gp who will write scripts and give you blood test forms. Other ladies on here might live where you do and know gp's who are used to this. I reckon if you already have a good GP and explain what you are doind, it should be fine. But, yeah, you will need someone is australia to help with thise aspects.
We have to be there for 10 days minimum. That is to have hubby make sperm deposit and collect donor eggs then wait 5 days to grow to blastocyte and do a transfer. The extra days are just in case -to leave a few days either side in case the donor needs an extra day or 2 to grow the eggs.
For costs at the clinic i chose:
Flights : $1800 each return (up to $2500 if you go in high season june/july- which is why im waiting until September)
Donor ivf cycle is about 6000euro/about $9000 aud -this includes everything, including donors meds and your transfer
About 1000aud to freeze all left over embryos and storage.
100aud to freeze hubbys sperm so if u have to do another cycle he doesnt have to come back- saves on flight costs.
So, im budgeting to have $11000aud for all the ivf stuff+ flights + accomodation. The clinics will help you find cheap good apartments as about 45aud per night.
The clinics are pretty much similar with pricing so about 11grand is a good figure to guestimate / budget with.
Its a lot of money BUT ive spent that much or more already on 4 rounds of ivf with about 5% chance of success. This time im spending the same amount of money for 60% chance of success and i dont have to take all the yucky meds and this cycle, i will be on an overseas holiday which will be much nicer than, like you and i did last time, spending two weeks in bed crying because ive got nothing to do but think, it wont work again! I'll never be a mum, im gonna die old and alone! Blah blah blah...
Even though its a lot of money, i realised that if i used that $ to do a few more own egg cycles, then i would never have the money to change over to donor eggs at a later date. It was either try 3-4 more cycles with own eggs, would take years and be in hell the whole time and then have no money for donor ivf later on and would only have 1 kid if i was really really lucky. Im sick of waiting, im sick of hoping with such low odds of success and I simply dread the thought of coninuing my life the way it has been the last 2 years. IJUST WANT MY LIFE BACK AND A BABY ASAP! So this way, for the same amount of money i have 60% chance of success and much more of a chance at having frosties to try again if it didnt work first go or to try for a sibling many years down the line.
If it doesnt work first time, and you have frosties, your second go/ frozen transfer is much cheaper because you can go by yourself so its one flight and about 1500aud for a frozen transfer, i think, so about 3500aud, same as a cycle in australia really.
If my first donor cycle was a complete disaster, i.e. a bfn and no frosties, i would need to save for another year to get another 11grand but ive thought about that and im prepared to do that too. :-) Hope that helps. There are ladies on here who have looked at embryoland, ( the clinic i have chosen lol, dont be put off by the themepark style name), serum and iakentro. They seem to be the 3 main clinics aussie girls use. I found everyone on here has different reasons for choosing their clinic and were happy to share on bubhub, or gave me email or phone numbers so i could talk to them more personally. Im more than happy to share anything and everything with you, honestly im a newbie compared to many of the ladies on this thread.
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