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  1. #31
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    I would absolutely say something. I've called my dad out for being a racist many times, it's probably only that I'm gay that he doesn't use homophobic slurs. I call anyone out for being a racist, homophobe or for being sexist. It disgusts and deeply upsets me that people still behave like this.

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  3. #32
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    Interesting responses. To me it's not about trying to change my dad's point of view (that would be an unexpected bonus lol) it's primarily about being true to my own deep values that homophobia is not ok and for me that starts with removing the casual derogatory language from conversation. I can't let comments slide as I feel it then appears I am ok with it/agree and I just feel I'd be severely letting down my beautiful close friends who are gay.
    This issue came up for me at work last year. A colleague said that a homophobic comment would only be offensive if there was a gay person in the room. I said 'I'm not gay and I find it offensive, it's not ok and if we don't do something about this we are as good as saying it's ok'. I think that perspective quite surprised them. Which surprised me.

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  5. #33
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    I'm probably going to be crucified but I'd probably laugh. I have nothing against gays or lesbians but it was a comment about a haircut. The term isn't particularly a nice one but it was a haircut...you can't say anything these days without offending someone.

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    I'm probably going to be crucified but I'd probably laugh. I have nothing against gays or lesbians but it was a comment about a haircut. The term isn't particularly a nice one but it was a haircut...you can't say anything these days without offending someone.
    But this is why homophobia is still rampant. When people who have 'nothing against gays and lesbians' laugh at bigoted comments instead of standing up against it, the cycle continues. Nothing is learnt and nothing is gained and the world is not a kinder place.


    This...
    'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men (women) to do nothing'

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  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    I'm probably going to be crucified but I'd probably laugh. I have nothing against gays or lesbians but it was a comment about a haircut. The term isn't particularly a nice one but it was a haircut...you can't say anything these days without offending someone.
    Ugh, I know right? All those blardy fags and dykes getting their knickers in a twist and acting all offended because they don't find slurs against their sexuality funny. Killjoys. Ruins my fun, especially because I'm unable to make a joke without insulting same sex attracted people. They need to lighten up. While we're at it it should be totally OK to make jokes at the expense of Aboriginals, Jews and the disabled as well 'cause, yanno, humour 😒

    In response to the OP my dad would cop an earful from me. He's made a couple of comments about gay people before, not necessarily derogatory but definitely stereotypical and not in a positive light and I've pulled him up on it. Age is not a reason to act like a douche. I've pulled up my grandMIL on racist and sexist views before and challenged her on them. I refuse to passively (and obviously actively) engage in any sort of discussion that promotes bigotry of any sort, even if it's "just because they're old" (FTR my dad is 59 and my grandMIL is 87). My own grandmother is 79 and is the complete opposite to grandMIL so using age as an excuse for one's as attitude is a cop out.

    I am dead curious though, what exactly was the style of haircut he was referring to?!

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  10. #36
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    to go off on a tangent, as we often do here, the question about 'at what age do we stop using someone's age, as an excuse for whatever behaviour. ?? I used to often have quite serious debates with my dear grand mother, and my mother would be almost shocked, because I was not backing down to let gran have her way with the discussion. I think it is important that we keep the lines of communication open, regardless of an age difference. it is important for the young to respect the old, and to learn from them , but also for the old to learn form the young. I love a healthy debate. marie.

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    Bit of a spin off but out of curiosity for those that said they wouldn't do/ say anything....

    If your child witnessed another child being bullied for their looks, sexuality, religion, gender, or whatever, would you?...


    A) encourage them to laugh at it because it's just a joke and there is no need for the child to be upset by it?

    B) encourage them to just ignore it because it's not their business and if it doesn't effect them they should just leave it alone?

    C) encourage your child to be kind and to stand up for the child, whether that be right there and then or reporting it to someone who can help?

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  13. #38
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    I'd have pulled him up on it, like I do on all their other bigoted, racist, homophobic comments. While they are entitled to their own opinion, I am entitled to call them out on their offensive remarks. Especially if they were to say anything in my home on one of their rare visits. I refuse to have my children hear and possibly repeat those types of remarks. Casual racism/bigotry isn't something I want them to learn.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    I'd have pulled him up on it, like I do on all their other bigoted, racist, homophobic comments. While they are entitled to their own opinion, I am entitled to call them out on their offensive remarks. Especially if they were to say anything in my home on one of their rare visits. I refuse to have my children hear and possibly repeat those types of remarks. Casual racism/bigotry isn't something I want them to learn.
    Your last sentence is perfect. Casual bigotry. I'm from a generation where calling something gay (or retarded) was the norm and just something I said and it's taken a LOT of self reflection to stop. It was more habit and definitely not something said to insult same sex attracted people (or people with a disability), but that casual attitude that "because I don't mean for it to be offensive to x people therefore means it's not offensive" just doesn't wash. I'm all for a certain level of sucking it up and not being offended at every little thing, but for the big ones like sexuality, race and gender, I think it's important to remove the casual slurs that we use in everyday conversation so we raise a generation that uses a different vocabulary and doesn't resort to those words to make their point.

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    I'd probably say ... 'Actually it looks a bit like yours...'

    My dad is a massive racist and is incredibly homophobic. I grew up with him like that and always thought he seemed very idiotic in his views. I've had to ask him to stop sending me emails about boat people ... But I really couldn't care less what he thinks.

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