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  1. #1
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    Default Not sleeping and not coping- help

    I'm really starting to struggle with my 13 week old dd2. I know she is only still young, but she was sleeping ok (1x5-6 hour stretch, then 3-4 hours) but over the past month it's deteriorated to the point where at best I get one 3 hour stretch then every 1-2 hours she's awake.

    The past 6 nights I have survived on 1-4 hours broken sleep each night. I am unable to take it easy during the day as I have a 3 year old who is constant and exhausting. I do line up their nap in the arvo, sometimes it's hit and miss whether I get any sleep or a couple of hours. The only help is mum who will take dd1 out once a week for a few hours.

    Dd2 will not take a bottle and DH has to drive almost 2 hours each way to work everyday so he can't help me at night.

    I am starting to feel physically sick from exhaustion. I almost fainted putting fuel in the car yesterday. I fantasise about having an accident- not to hurt myself but simply so I can have a rest in the hospital and let everyone else deal with it. I am teary and irritable and just starting not to care about anything any more. I know this will stop with a decent sleep.

    I can't help but think it's something I've done wrong as dd2 was sleeping good and now she's not. She's not in any regression. She's swaddled in an ergo cocoon, white noise, dark room with black outs, no dummy and is put to bed drowsy but awake about 70% of the time. I try not to feed her when she wakes but it's the only way to settle her. I'm happy to let her grizzle or fuss but she yells/cries and I worry about her waking dd1.

    I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, sympathy, just to vent or whatever. I just feel like cr@p, my d1 and DH are coping it, I don't like who I am at the moment and I'm hating it.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 01-02-2016 at 05:31.

  2. #2
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    Sounds horrible, and lonely. I questioned my own sanity when my DS1 was sleeping 45 minutes between feeds at about the same age. I was lucky to only have him to look after too! I don't have any advice just wanted to stop and say I hear you and big hugs. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture! Hopefully this will pass soon and you can catch up on some sleep when your DH has a day off work and you can share parenting duties. But if it doesn't and those scary thoughts stay with you, please go and see your GP as it could be PND developing (I ended up with it for DS1 and itwas a frightening place to be)

    Take care of yourself.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (01-02-2016)

  4. #3
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    Sleep deprivation really is torture, physically and mentally.
    Is there anyway you can get your mum over daily/every other day to come in and be with your kids while you take a nap?
    On the weekends is possible for your DH to go out with the kids to give you a chance to catch up on some sleep?

    Is bub too hot/cold maybe? It's hard to know what has changed, could you perhaps use a swing for day time naps or something?

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    Default Not sleeping and not coping- help

    Such big hugs lady, I totally could have written your post when DS was younger, the daydreaming of an accident just so I could rest. He's sleeping fab now but I have pregnancy insomnia so have only slept about 2 hours each night this weekend, tried to nap today and it wouldn't happen so I am feeling on the verge of tears. My body and head just aches.

    There is a 12 week wonder week that I remember was one of DS' worst. Plus the 16 week/4 month sleep regression. Wonder weeks don't have to happen right on the weeks, they're more of an estimate/guide of when to expect one. So it could be all of that, one hitting right after another, but I don't want you to feel like I'm brushing it all off as *just* a wonder week.

    I'm not sure if I have advice, I used Jo Ryan's Babybliss book for sleep ideas which I really loved and helped but I've leant it to somebody so can't screen shot the age section for you😕.

    We did have DS in a bednest in our room which meant I could just drap my arm on him if I heard him stirring and not have to properly get up every time which probably enabled me to stay asleep or doze a bit more. Like you though I always just fed him, it was easier than dealing with crying in the middle of the night when I felt like crying myself but I was also just on auto pilot, a lot of the times it didn't occur to me to try anything else.

    I'll come back if I think of any survival tips. Could you afford a part time mother's help/nanny to help you get a bit of a break?

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    I'm so sorry this is happening lady xxx
    It may not be your thing, but is there any chance DD1 could go to daycare even one or two days a week?
    It may not be ideal but would that give you the chance to use every possible sleeping chance you have while DD2 is sleeping?
    It can be a terrible heartbreaking time because exhaustion is so debilitating.
    It is nothing you have done
    This bubba is just marching to her own beat xxx

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    Big hugs. My youngest woke every 45 minutes overnight for a very long time. I look back and wonder how I survived.

    Is there any way you can put the 3 year old in to daycare for 1 day a week? Or could your mum take her for a full day instead of just a few hours?

    Could your DH take some annual leave for a week to help you get some sleep? If not what about carers leave for a day or two?

    Can you hand off the kids to DH as soon as he comes home and head straight to bed? He could bring your little one in once she's ready to go down for the night?

    I remember wishing I would get sick enough to go to hospital or just for something to happen so it would all go away. Have you told DH or your mum about these feelings?

    Please take care of yourself. Put some movies on, give your older one popcorn and a special treat then cat nap on the lounge. Do whatever you need to get through and ask for help.

    xx

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    Big hugs LMS. I'm in the same boat, but DS has never slept well at night. He does the 2-3hrs for the first stint and then wake every 45mins. I put him in bed with us, but he kicks me all night so I get no sleep anyway. The only thing getting me through is the fact I know it won't last forever. Both my other two were similar and then just magically started sleeping through at 9 months (which actually coincided with them walking). Thankfully DS does sleep during the day and is such a happy boy, so makes it a little more bearable. Let's hope the phase passes soon for all of us!!!!

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    have you tried an infant swing? it was a lifesaver for me... actually dd spent the first 10 months in one.

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    Hugs hugs hugs. I had a non sleeper but did not have a toddler so cannot imagine how much harder it would be.

    The only thing I could do with my boy was cosleep. As in mattress on the floor, b00b out and he'd just feed on and off so I did not have to wake up as much. Not sure if you can do this with your bub (I know it does not work for everyone). If your toddler needs night time settling your DH will just have to do it for a bit.

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    Big hugs. I hear you loud and clear with the sleep deprivation and not caring.
    one thing that stood out for me from your post is that you said you try not to feed her to sleep when she wakes. All I can say is why not? Your baby wants it. It works it is what nature intended?
    It is okay to do this or anything else that works. You can always teach your baby to self settle when they are older. Hormones are released that put you both back to sleep when you feed a baby to sleep and it helps keep your supply up. I always feed to sleep and I have three other children that I can report l have fed to sleep are able to go to sleep on there own and sleep threw the night lol. If you were bottle feeding a baby would it be okay to fall asleep at the bottle? Would you give a baby your age
    A bottle overnight? (I have never bottle fed so I don't know).
    Another thing I Do is co sleep. Whilst not for everyone and has to be done safely, co-sleeping is one of the only reason I can cope at all.

    Hope you get some sleep soon from another sleep deprived mother.

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