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  1. #1
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    Default 12 year gap??

    Hi just wanted to know if anyone else has been in my situation and how it worked for them. My husband and I had our 1st daughter when we were 19. We are now 31 and are finally in the position to have another child. I'm wondering if anyone else has left a gap this big between children?

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    We have a 6.5yr gap, so not quiet so large, but I have a friend who has a 13yr gap, and things worked out fine, she does joke about staying sane through having one toddler and one in puberty, but the older child was happy with a new sibling. I have cousins who are 17yrs apart and now as adults they're as close as any other siblings I know.

    There are positives to bigger gaps, I found dividing my time wasn't such a problem, while the older ones at school, I had one on one with the baby, then we tweaked naps so I could have one on one with the older one. Mine are now 11.5 and 5, while developmentally they're miles apart, they have a great bond, and we still find stuff they can do together, I don't mind the gap at all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sugarplum11 View Post
    Hi just wanted to know if anyone else has been in my situation and how it worked for them. My husband and I had our 1st daughter when we were 19. We are now 31 and are finally in the position to have another child. I'm wondering if anyone else has left a gap this big between children?
    I am 35 weeks with my third. There will be an 11 year gap between my eldest and this baby. 9 years between my youngest and this bub.

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    I had an 11.5 year gap between my first and second babies. And it worked great!

    DD (and her friends) loved keeping the baby entertained, and DD was old enough to get her own snacks etc.

    I loved having that age gap It bought DD and I closer together also I feel

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    DH and his brother are 12 years apart. They were basically brought up as only children, and as a result DH isn't particularly close to his brother as they have little in common. I think part of that too comes from the fact that DH was sort of cast to the side when BIL came along. BIL has always been given everything he's wanted and more. He's also been sheltered and mollycoddled to the point he doesn't know how to be independent in the big wide world. DH escaped all that because he was left to his own devices - got a job at 15, got his license at 18, bought his own car around the same time he got his license, went on road trips with friends around age 19-20. BIL doesn't have a license (doesn't see the point when everyone drives him everywhere anyway) and has no real life skills. I guess my point is, if you do have another baby with a big gap in between, don't forget your eldest. Don't expect her to help raise the baby. Yes, she's old enough to help but it shouldn't be an expectation. Don't forget that your DD matters too, is her own person and will still need her mum and dad a lot. Take time to have special mum & daughter/dad & daughter days so she doesn't feel left by the wayside. DH carries a bit of resentment due to the fact he was basically cast to the side at the age of 12. It's a hard age, and especially for a girl going through puberty -she's going to need her mum available to her.

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    It all depends on personalities, my DH has 2 sisters who came along when he was 14, they have an amazing bond. He became like a third parent and was very involved and to this day he's always helping them and they are involved with our children. We go on holidays together and they come over all the time. It's lovely to have teenagers around helping out
    On the other hand you might end up with jealousy and resentment if your first born is cast to the side and doesn't feel involved.

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    I was the child who ended up with a new baby sister when I was 13.
    I will be honest, it sucked, I hated it. I was used to being the centre of my parents world and overnight I was not, I felt like I was made to grow up just because a baby had entered the house.
    Fast forward to now, I am 33 and she is 20 and we are best friends. It was a long road to get here though!!
    It's tough to form a relationship with such a huge age gap, you have nothing in common besides parents really!

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    Not quite as big a gap, but DSS just turned 8 and this bub is due next month.

    While there are 2 kids in the middle, there are 14 years between myself and my brother- we are each other's favourite person and always have been. I have been his safety blanket since he was born (he has autism).

    There are 19 years between me and my sister- we are also ridiculously close (as close as we can be given she lives on the other side of the planet anyway)

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    There is 15 years between my youngest brother and me. We haven't got anything in common, in saying that I don't have much of a relationship with my other brother who is 17 months younger than I. I also have nothing in common with him.

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    I had my first when I was 16, he is now 17, we have just done ivf and I am just over half way along with number 2. I have kept him involved, he came to my scan last week, he was a little disappointed when he was told I was having another boy, he wanted a sister, I think that's because he wants to be my only boy, but other then that, he is getting more and more excited, he goes shopping with his friends and almost every time comes home with a little outfit, all of his friends are also super excited, and bring us gifts and me chocolate lol! I can update you in around 17weeks as to how things go when Bub actually comes.


 

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