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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post
    OP, you took the words right out of my mouth. We have a 2 year old and a 6 month-old, and I swear some days all I do is clean up, be whinged at, do boring chores, rinse, repeat, all the while feeling like you're somewhere on the spectrum from "pretty tired" through to "the walking dead".

    As much as I love them and wouldn't trade them, there are some moments when I wonder why on earth we decided to do this. I'm sure a decent night's sleep would help, but can't envisage that happening any time soon. (Sleep deprivation is a well known torture method, so I think it's unsurprising that it can leave you fesling a little jaded). And yep, I also worry about the toll on the relationship between DH and I. With no family nearby, we never get an opportunity to do anything just for the two of us. We''ve been out to dinner as a couple once in the last 2 1/2 years. S** is distinctly on the backburner in favour of sleep. And we both feel like unattractive trumps anyway, because between work (which for DH spills into the evenings and weekends as well) and kids there's just no time for luxuries like going to the gym.

    I hold the media partially responsible- they sell us images of motherhood that are littered with fluffy bunnies, hugs and giggles in clean houses with immaculate mummies, and general heart-warmingness. Is it any wonder that people end up a little weary after discovering the truth for themselves- that motherhood is years of sleep deprivation, letting domestic standards drop, being covered in all kinds of substances, and being sent deaf by crying/yelling? The seemingly endless drudgery can take some of the shine off the whole experience.

    I think personality also plays a role. Some people are just more naturally suited to motherhood than others. Parenthood seems easiest for go-with the flow, come what may, extroverted personality types. By contrast, I'm a detailed planning, follow the procedure, orderly, introverted type, so there are destined to be lots of motherhood moments that clash with my preferred way of functioning.

    I'm hoping it improves with age, as your kids start to be able to do more for themselves, and there's a glimmer of hope of getting some rare time for yourself. But just as I'm thinking these thoughts, one of them will do something lovely that makes me feel like I want them to stay this age forever, rather than wishing their childhood away!

    So, I'm currently trying to be a bit more "mindful" and embrace and enjoy the moment (again, not my natural personality trait) and get less stressed over the long list of things I need to do. With DS1, I also found my outlook improved when I went back to work - it gave me time out from the domestic drudgery I was feeling, and I appreciated and enjoyed our time together far more, So I'm looking forward to regaining that in a few months' time.
    I could have written this word for word except I'm an extrovert, but the rest rang so true.

    I hate being a mum. Love my kids but hate being a mum. It's not only the media but other mums (IRL and on this forum) that make it look easy and like all of those things you mention. They (seem to) love motherhood, do it well and aren't miserable.

    I'm back at work 3 days a week but that's still not enough to make my times at home any easier, it's still the same old same old just not for as long.

    I too hope it all gets better once the kids are older and in school and I'm getting more / better sleep. But I've already spent both of their childhoods waiting for that magic time to happen and so far it hasn't.

    I've heard many people say before that if anyone truly knew what being a parent was like, no one would ever have children. I kind of believe that. Well it rings true for me.

    I was the first person in my close and regular group of friends to have a baby so I had no idea what I was in for. Now when my friends are pregnant I try and be as honest as I can with them (without bringing them down of course) I just try and let them know that it is okay and normal to struggle, to need help and to not enjoy it at times. I think the worst thing a first time mother can be told is that it's all sunshine and no rainy days as it sets them up with an unrealistic expectation of parenthood just as I was and I think that's why I still struggle to this day. Deep in my subconscious I have it in my head everything's meant to be rosey and whenever something doesn't go as I want it to (DD not eating well or getting me up at 2am in the morning) I don't have the ability to take it in my stride. I try but I really can't, so mindfulness is something I need to seriously look into!

    OP I hope you can share your feelings with your DH and that together you can come up with ways to make this job happier for you both.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post
    OP, I hear you! I went crazy from the drudgery went DS1 was born. I had images of what motherhood was going to be like, and the reality is not the same! I knew then that being a mum was only part of me and I needed something else. I went back to work full time when DS2 was 18 months old. Now the frustration is different- I deal with adults behaving like children at work, instead of children behaving like children at home, LOL.
    Haha, why is it though I can keep my sh*t together at work but completely lose the plot at home when I've had enough!?

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  4. #13
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    I really dont think I enjoy being a mum. Most of the past 6 years I have wondered why I did this. And lord knows I wouldnt be able to say this irl because other mums are the worst to judge another struggling mum.

    Yes I love my children and I want to give them the best life possible. But what about me? Where has my identity gone? People ask me what I enjoy to relax now and I honestly dont know I cant remember what I enjoy?
    I cant even get a job because then I feel guilty for going back full time and its incredibly hard to find part time, why didnt the books tell you about mummy guilt??
    I am studying but have to wait for everyone to go to be bed. What if I want to just go to bed???
    Sorry for my ramble/rant I have a toddler and I cant wait for them to grow up

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Haha, why is it though I can keep my sh*t together at work but completely lose the plot at home when I've had enough!?
    You get paid for one, but not the other!

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post

    I think personality also plays a role. Some people are just more naturally suited to motherhood than others. Parenthood seems easiest for go-with the flow, come what may, extroverted personality types. By contrast, I'm a detailed planning, follow the procedure, orderly, introverted type, so there are destined to be lots of motherhood moments that clash with my preferred way of functioning.

    So, I'm currently trying to be a bit more "mindful" and embrace and enjoy the moment (again, not my natural personality trait) and get less stressed over the long list of things I need to do.
    This is how I feel at the moment. I was actually coming on here to consider posting my own thread about how I can just relax a bit and not get so stressed about the constant mess and endless list of jobs. DH is the same, and very unhappy. I feel in a constant state of chaos, there's always something to be done. And we never get a lucky break as bad luck seems to follow us.

    My eldest has started school this week and I'm trying to be super organised with lunch box planning and baking, having everything ready, doing as much as I can while he's at school. But I have an 8 week old baby, so my hands are very tidied up with her as she doesn't like the being put down much, and also a 2 yr old (who I've kept in 3 days of daycare while I'm on maternity leave from work for my sanity!). Just getting to school on time is a nightmare!!

    So yes a lot of it is personality because if I didn't care that my house was messy or other jobs not completed I'd be much more relaxed!! I know people like this. I set myself very high standards. I'm a perfectionist. If I'm not worrying about the house work I'm worrying about what I look like and how I compare.

    So I'm not enjoying motherhood as much as I want to....I want to relax and enjoy the kids not be totally stressed all the time and thinking about all the jobs that need doing while I'm playing with them...like its a distraction!!

  9. #16
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    I think we've all been there.

    I feel like you a lot of the time.

    I have a non negotiable rule that I have 1 thing for me that I don't feel guilty about, and that's working out.

    Other than that our lives revolve around them and yes so much so that I don't have any spare time for DH.

    I hope my kids are attentive to their children and I am for them. That's why I do it, I guess.

  10. #17
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    Thanks all. It helps to know you are not the only one. Mine are a bit older 2.5, 6 and almost 8 and I am finding it's getting mentally harder. They just fight and fight and fight and fight, DD has the attitude of a 15 year old. DS2 keeps me physically exhausted but mentally he is no challange really. Typical 2 year old. In the time it has taken me to write this I've been interrupted about 6 times with she said he said, 6 bold screaming at 2 y old because 2y old calling 6y old a baby because he gets such a reaction, DH did a 12 hr night so he is asleep and no house work has beem done at all. This just is not fun. Not at all.😣

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  12. #18
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    Hugs.

    I'm yelling at ds1 who is 6 coz I have to wash his new soccer jersey again.

    I've washed it twice in 14 hours. Orange juice spilt both times, he's only owned it since yesterday morning.

    It sux. That's life. Deep breaths for me and you!

  13. #19
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    Lol. I love being a mummy and my two princesses to pieces- I just find motherhood extremely monotonous. Same thing all day, every day. I have been a SAHM for three years now and I miss going to work! I also miss sleeping in, going out for dinner and movies, and weekends not revolving around zoos, parks, child-friendly eating places. Would I change it for the world? No! Am I looking forward to them one day being 18? Yes lol!
    That's why I really think people should go enjoy life (travel, go out lots, work etc) before having kids. It's obviously life changing

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  15. #20
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    It's sooo tough... we still cant take ours to café altogether, unless its for a quick milkshake and they we leave haha. Sitting down to enjoy a leisurely meal is something I love to do! toddlerhood is just rubbish IMO.... my DS1 was spirited and hit toddlerhood at about 10 months- it was hard work for about 4 years after that. My DD is now 3.5 and is so dramatic and seems to spend the whole day screaming or whinging- no doubt because she is tired and getting used to 5 days a week at daycare. The other day, I took my sons to school and picked them up at 3.15- it will probably be the only time this year I get to do that. I feel bad about it... I was wondering, for a split second, should I chuck it all in and devote all my time on my precious children, like these other lovely mums might do? ahhhh it's very tough...

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