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  1. #41
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    This is obviously an emotive topic.
    OP - I have been where you are...my first child nearly broke me! I was exhausted, emotional and my DD was poorly rested. She would not let me put her down, I could not sit, I could not stand still...I had to rock and walk to make her sleep. I had to ever so gently put her into bed, most of the time she would wake and the cycle started again. On repeat all night for months on end. Co - sleeping and bfing to sleep didn't work. She cried til she vomited if I left her
    In the end I went with her to sleep school (Ngala in WA - govt run) and learned the sleep method as described by VP above. It was fairly gentle with quite short periods of crying and lots of shush/patting. Within a week she was only waking once or twice a night for BF and went back to sleep with the same method. Honestly it is the best thing I ever did! Life changing! I used the same method ( but much earlier and no crying) with my DS1 and DS2 and they have been beautiful sleepers from the beginning.

  2. #42
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    So you have better ideas to deal with my koala baby?

    Do tell..

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Still reading through but...

    C'mon VP. Your 'expertise' is coming from having TWO children that slept through due to you using a specific book. I'm sorry but you're not an expert. Yes, the book worked for you but you are also a specific personality type that probably has children that react certain ways due to your parenting style and personality which enabled the book to work for you. You can give tips and opinions of what worked for YOU but please, please stop writing your posts as if you are an all knowing expert. It genuinely causes anxiety for some people who take your posts to heart as an 'expert.'
    It's not a fluke that my kids have slept through. And it's not just one book that I have relied on. Other sources have been researched as well. Having kids that sleep through and having assisted other parents in their kids sleeping through does not make me less qualified than you to offer advice to someone else on helping their kid sleep through.

    I am sorry you feel bad for having a tot with sleep difficulties however I stand by what I have said - it is my opinion that in the absence of medical issues, for a bub fully established on solids, it is mostly within a parents ability to make changes that will help their bub sleep through. It's not easy, but it's possible. I can try and tweak my wording to minimise any offence or distress to others however bottom line I am not going to change my views just to make parents who have kids with sleep difficulties feel better.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    So you have better ideas to deal with my koala baby?

    Do tell..
    It is obvious you are after a fight so I am not going to engage you any longer today.

  5. #45
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    Default Desperately needing sleep advice!

    How interesting this thread is in light of recent threads.

    People have been told not to listen to advice of qualified professionals (teachers) aka "strangers on the Internet" yet others without qualifications think they're the sleep guru and offering strangers on the Internet advice

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  7. #46
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    Default Desperately needing sleep advice!

    Op, I'm still reading through but here's my two cents.

    DS sleeps with a dummy, in a dark room with white noise. He breastfed frequently overnight, never fed to sleep or rocked, shooshed, patted or held, that stuff never worked. We co-slept until a little over a year (he fell asleep on his own in his cot and would sleep with me after his first or second wake up).

    Around 17 months he started sleeping through completely, immediately after he mastered walking, we had already stopped co-sleeping by then which I found easy to 'wean' him from, may have just been the way I was able to do it. I feel sleeping through was developmental for him.

    The standard sleep training techniques never really worked for me and caused so much more distress. Like twinklifly(?) I feel it made him worse. He would wake frequently but go back to sleep easily if I responded quickly and calmly. The times I tried cc, every subsequent sleep after he would immediately go to crying hysterically rather than just grumbling for me, like he remembered he had to cry before I would come in. Last month, at almost two, he went through a phase of wanting me to come back in after bedtime. If I go in immediately and give him a quick cuddle he lies down on his own and goes to sleep happily. In the beginning when I tried to 'fight' it and not go in it would just escalate and lead to an evening of him waking and crying frequently, wanting me. I genuinely believe MY son does not respond to crying as a training method and it's just not worth it to me. Only you know how you think your son will respond to sleep training that involves crying.

    Now, when he went through a phase, I can't remember the age, if it was around 18 months or earlier, of not letting me leave the room, I did something similar to what VP mentions in her first post. I sat next to the cot with my hand resting on him (he hates patting) and just shooshed until he was asleep or happy for me to leave. I did this until I could sit further away shooshing on other nights until he eventually just let me leave without a fuss. It took about two weeks I think. The first few nights he was pretty mad at me but I would just cuddle and start over. He knew I was there and I knew he was ok, just mad.

    I have also found www.thebabysleepsite.com a good source of various types of advice to suit different parenting styles.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 29-01-2016 at 18:08.

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  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's not a fluke that my kids have slept through. And it's not just one book that I have relied on. Other sources have been researched as well. Having kids that sleep through and having assisted other parents in their kids sleeping through does not make me less qualified than you to offer advice to someone else on helping their kid sleep through.

    I am sorry you feel bad for having a tot with sleep difficulties however I stand by what I have said - it is my opinion that in the absence of medical issues, for a bub fully established on solids, it is mostly within a parents ability to make changes that will help their bub sleep through. It's not easy, but it's possible. I can try and tweak my wording to minimise any offence or distress to others however bottom line I am not going to change my views just to make parents who have kids with sleep difficulties feel better.
    So you choose to kick someone while they are down? Nice.

    I do not feel 'bad' about my boy who did not sleep well. I felt bad becausw people made statements and judgements to my face that it is somehow my fault that I have used the incorrect methods to put my baby to sleep.

    If I stressed less about my boy not following the correct SOS method well then maybe we could have both relaxed earlier and found our groove earlier.

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  11. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    So you have better ideas to deal with my koala baby?

    Do tell..
    Does bub just want to be held by you? Or anyone as long as there is swaying movement? I.e. bad way of trying to ask if it is smell/touch that settles bub or movement.

  12. #49
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    Default Desperately needing sleep advice!

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's not a fluke that my kids have slept through. And it's not just one book that I have relied on. Other sources have been researched as well. Having kids that sleep through and having assisted other parents in their kids sleeping through does not make me less qualified than you to offer advice to someone else on helping their kid sleep through.

    I am sorry you feel bad for having a tot with sleep difficulties however I stand by what I have said - it is my opinion that in the absence of medical issues, for a bub fully established on solids, it is mostly within a parents ability to make changes that will help their bub sleep through. It's not easy, but it's possible. I can try and tweak my wording to minimise any offence or distress to others however bottom line I am not going to change my views just to make parents who have kids with sleep difficulties feel better.
    You're sorry I feel bad for having a bub that wouldn't sleep through? Come off it VP! I won't deny that first year was hard but I look back and am so, so proud of myself now that I followed my instincts because he is a fabulous sleeper and napper now, fabulous. And it happened by me following him.

    I was actually a night nanny, who had an attitude like you--'oh you just have to do this and it will work.' That's why I had such a hard time accepting him sleeping bad, and not accepting and worrying about 'bad habits' caused me so much stress. So I probably have more experience in the actual field than you do. But, becoming a mom and being around my little person 24/7 made me realize that children are so so different and it's pretty arrogant and naive to walk up and say 'oh you just need to do this.'

    Of course sleep training and trainers can help but I now believe certain methods suit certain children, it's not one size fits all like so many of the books and sleep trainers make you believe.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 29-01-2016 at 18:14.

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  14. #50
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Big hugs to you @Rose&Aurelia&Hannah. Just let it go, Hun. Take care of yourself.

    Sorry to derail, OP. I am firmly in the camp that believes some babies just take longer to 'get sleep right'. Fwiw co-sleeping was and is a winner for me. I just wish I'd trusted my instincts instead of believing I was a failure of parent who wasn't doing the right things to 'fix' my son. I hope this rough time passes for you.

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