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  1. #1
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    Default Help with STTN, night-weaning, day-weaning...I'm just bad at parenting in general

    My 11 month old has never been a good sleeper. We co-slept from birth to 7 months, and then she moved into her own room. I have always breastfed on demand, and she feeds nearly every hour/two hours at night. I'm exhausted!!!

    Here's an example of her schedule:
    7-7:30 wake
    8.30 breakfast
    9am bf
    9.30 nap for 1.5/2 hrs
    12pm lunch
    12.30 - 1.30 play/errands
    2pm bf and nap for 1.5/2hrs
    4pm - 6pm play
    6.30 dinner, bath, bedtime routine
    7pm bf, sleep

    She will then wake up around 8.30 and cry until I feed her again, and this happens continuously throughout the night.

    In terms of naps - she's pretty good. She'll go down with minimal effort and doesn't wake up during the naps. That said, she will only go down if I'm the one putting her down. She refuses to nap if it's anybody else.

    I wanted to wean her off the breast around 9-10 months, but it just didn't happen. She would not take a bottle. She refused formula, pumped milk, full cream milk, goats milk, water...etc. I have about 15 variations of sippy cups, cups, and bottles, none worked. It didn't matter if it was me trying to feed her or someone else, she wouldn't take anything but the breast. I thought maybe her issue with sleep was that she wasn't getting enough milk before bed, but there's not much I can do to monitor how much she's getting if she will only breastfeed.

    I know she uses bf as a way to soothe herself back to sleep at night, and I've tried to break that association. She has a lovey, and a pacifier, and a special blankie. She has white noise and a dark room. The times that I tried to drop a night feed and just soothe her with any other means instead of my boob, she just went so hysterical that she threw up. And then I felt like I HAD to feed her because she'd just emptied all her dinner out of her stomach! I've tried sending her dad in instead of me (she goes even more hysterical, and he has work all day so him going in every time throughout the night to soothe her isn't really an option) I've tried her grandma, I've tried shushing her, patting her, singing to her, letting her cry, shortening the feeds...nothing has worked.

    I'm getting to the point where I am really starting to resent breastfeeding her, as well as just being absolutely exhausted from getting up every hour or two at night. I've tried letting her cry it out when she struggles with getting to sleep at night - which worked, but then when she woke up an hour later, I let her cry for a while until after ten minutes I finally went in and she was once again at that hysterical point where she nearly vomits.

    I have no idea where to start, everyone kept saying that by about this age she'd be sleeping better but...I'm still waiting for that!

    My main issues are that she wakes SO many times in the night, and she'll only be soothed by the breast. I'm totally okay with her waking once or twice for a feed, I don't expect miracles! Just a bit of sleep!! I'd love to be able to have someone else put her down as well, so that I can go out to dinner once in a while or go out for more than a few hours.

    Help!

  2. #2
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    Hugs. We went thru that with our eldest from 6-9mths.

    If this was my child I wouldn't let her cry as obviously it distresses her to the point of vomiting. We used dr jay Gordon's night weaning plan very successfully to completely drop all night feeds at 13/14mths. Also Elizabeth pantley has a very gentle approach to getting bub to sleep off the boob. I've used that with all my three Kids.

    But if all else fails- I'd get your dh to take a week off. Then you leave at every nap/bedtime. He needs to take over it completely.

  3. #3
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    If you co-slept before, could you do it again for a few more months? 11 months is not that old, but their comprehension does improve a lot in their second year. If you can breastfeed while lying down you can get a lot more sleep, rather than having to get out of bed and settle her in another room.

    Please don't think you're bad at parenting, you obviously care very much about your daughter and are doing great in a tough situation.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (26-01-2016)

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    I am no expert I have a 7 month old DD with sleeping issues who is a boob monster and doesn't like bottles. I'm yet to crack our issues but obviously reading a lot about potential issues so I'll throw a few ideas out there I'm sure others will know more.
    - she eating enough during the day? Three meals but does she also have plenty of snacks? I went to a day sleep service and the other bub there was a bit older than my DD and the child health nurse was really strongly advising that mum to offer more food during the day.
    - is daytime awake time enough? My DD is almost 7 months and is having 2-2.5hr awake times which seems similar to your DD awake time. I'm not sure how much sleep/awake changes between 7-11 months but maybe not awake enough during the day?
    - seems like you are BF right before each day nap? Bub might think I need to BF and have a full belly before I sleep therefore during the night wants to BF before going back to sleep?
    - is co-sleeping an option? If DD likes it and you get more sleep might be a solution
    - do you use a dummy? My DD never would take one until last week. I give it during her sleeps as she's obsessed with sucking at the moment. It's helping me feed less overnight (from 3-4 feeds to 1-2).
    - she's not too cold/hot?
    - she missing you in her room? I've put a king single bed in DDs room as its so much easier to sleep in there than be in and out and get woken up by the baby monitor (I'd co-sleep but she's not a fan) and sometimes it calms her that she can see me laying in the bed opposite her
    - with bottle my DD wouldn't take one either and I tried all brands. As I said she's obsessed with sucking at the moment so we took the teat out for her to play with and she of course put it in her mouth (as she does with everything) and actually started sucking on it. So we gave a bit of water and tried ebm. She's not mad for it but will at least take a bit. She only likes the nuk bottle and sippy cup.
    - my DD is very upset by her arms being out after her first wake up in the night if she can't settle due to her arms I do tuck them in close to her (hasn't rolled in bed yet and she's firmly tucked in). I think her arms out are the issue - I was thinking she was hungry each time but she's not
    My DD is currently waking minimum 4 -6 times overnight for the past 6 weeks (am currently in her room she's been awake 45 minutes). I have no family help and I'm so exhausted so I kind of know where you're at. I'm on the waiting list for residential sleep school so I can have someone help me for 3 nights with a routine and looking at what I'm doing with bub in general as I feel totally clueless. Is this an option where you live?
    I feel your pain op and I really really hope that you find something that works and get some rest soon as this no sleeping business is awful. What I wouldn't do for just 4hrs sleep in a row 😴😢

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    Default Help with STTN, night-weaning, day-weaning...I'm just bad at parenting in gen...

    Hey Hun - my first thought is if bub wakes at 7am then a 9:30am
    Nap seems a little early for an 11 month old bub. Try slowly stretching bub out to 10am.

    If bub is waking continually through the night then (assuming bub is established on solids and there are no medical concerns) the wakings probably have something to do with how bub is put to bed. If bub is transferred to bed after falling asleep/aided to sleep (music/patting/feeding/dummy) then bub is likely less able to self settle and more likely to wake through the night.

    Try 20 mins play between the last milk feed and putting bub to bed. Use the comforter at every sleep regardless of where it is (cot, pram, car etc) and only use at sleep time.
    Put bub to bed awake. Or drowsy but awake. Try not to put bub in bed asleep. Of course you may have to slowly introduce some of these changes to prevent bub from getting too upset.

    At 11 months assuming there are no medical concerns then my guess is there are tweaks that can be made to help bub sleep through - it's just a case of working out what they are (not always easy).

    Best of luck.
    Last edited by VicPark; 25-01-2016 at 23:37.

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    Thanks everyone!

    I'm not willing to cosleep with her again..mostly because we sleep with two dogs in our bed and she just moves around far too much for it to be safe.
    But it seems just from putting together all of the responses - perhaps my main targets initially would be to stop BF her before naps/bed and have a bit of quiet play before bed instead of just feed and bed.
    And to try for more awake time during the day. This morning I've put her down for her nap at 10.30 instead of 9.30. If she wakes at around 12, when would I be aiming to put her down for her second nap/what's the latest she can sleep until for the afternoon nap?
    Thanks again for all your advice - from a very tired mumma!

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    Following for tips.

    I feel your pain, I'm in a similar situation and am close to breaking point. You have my upmost sympathy.
    @gingermillie - I'm sorry to hear things haven't settled down at your place. Do you have a date yet for sleep school?

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Following for tips.

    I feel your pain, I'm in a similar situation and am close to breaking point. You have my upmost sympathy.
    @gingermillie - I'm sorry to hear things haven't settled down at your place. Do you have a date yet for sleep school?
    No date as yet 😞 last night she was up from 10pm-1:30am not crying not hungry just awake and wanted company. I picked her up at 12:30 and she was so limp from being so tired so I fed her and put her in bed with me and somewhere between 1:30-2am she fell asleep cuddled into me. So.Tired 😴😴😴

  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    No date as yet 😞 last night she was up from 10pm-1:30am not crying not hungry just awake and wanted company. I picked her up at 12:30 and she was so limp from being so tired so I fed her and put her in bed with me and somewhere between 1:30-2am she fell asleep cuddled into me. So.Tired 😴😴😴
    Hugs... I hope your DH has the day off today so you can get a bit of a break. I've been following your threads, you've had a rough time My DD was an ok sleeper until about 6 weeks ago and it has shattered me. Can't imagine going through this for 7 months.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Hugs... I hope your DH has the day off today so you can get a bit of a break. I've been following your threads, you've had a rough time My DD was an ok sleeper until about 6 weeks ago and it has shattered me. Can't imagine going through this for 7 months.
    Thanks, DH is home today so I was able to get an extra hour and a half is sleep this morning thankfully. She's pretty tired today poor munchkin. Hoping for a better night tonight. The awful thing is right before this phase (which has lasted about 6 weeks) we had 2 weeks of gold - sleeping from 7pm-5/6am without waking and easy consistent day sleeps. So so cruel 🙁 I hope your DD turns a corner soon too sleep deprivation is crushing 😴


 

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