I got married young (23) and divorced. (So maybe I'm jaded)
I feel my marriage was a way for my xdh to 'keep' me. He knew I was from a family who valued commitment and my parents had/still have a long lasting marriage. I always said I was scared of divorce.
It was a controlling relationship where he used the marriage and vows against me over the smallest things like he never ever thought I would leave him because of the piece of paper... It took me too long to work this out and in turn the courage to leave.
Now being repartnered and buying a house together and expecting our first child I can say I don't need nor want to get married. I definitely don't feel like we 'fell into' our relationship or home ownership or parenthood (albeit our pregnancy was unplanned - timing wise unplanned but definitely something we had discussed)
I feel I have more control of my life now more than ever and feel I'm in a far more respected, loving, equal and committed relationship without the 'legal' marriage or the piece of paper.
To me it's all about how you feel inside and what you feel in your heart. If you feel being married will cement this for you than that's definitely something you should discuss with your partner. DP is not into marriage although he has mentioned it a couple of times and calls me his wife every now and then!
For me marriage does not equal a higher level of love, respect, care or commitment. They're all behaviors that a person displays based their feelings.
It's an aspect of life about which I find myself quite particularly old-fashioned.
Apparently I told my now-husband that if I wasn't engaged within 12 months of meeting someone, and married within a further 12 months of being engaged to said-person, I would walk away, as I wouldn't feel sufficient commitment, or tbh, love. We were engaged within 11 months, and married within a further 10 months. Have been married for 10 years.
But...I think it's different for everyone, and certainly every couple.
I cannot wear my wedding/engagement rings at the moment, as I lost so much weight with recent chemotherapy, that they just fall off. This upsets me a little. Hopefully will get them re-sized soon. I like what they represent. Yes...sounds very old-fashioned, I know.
Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app
I am happily married, but it means nothing more than a bit of paper to me and I think we should have spent our money on a holiday, instead of 'a day' (and it was a cheap wedding). But DH really wanted to have a 'wedding,' so we did. What was important to both of us was that we united together as a family under one name, so, the family name was sorted out before we got married, and we had half of our family before we got married, so our children obviously got the surname we agreed on.
DH and I don't celebrate our wedding anniversary, we celebrate the anniversary of when we started our lives together, which was a whole decade before we got married. The day we met has much more meaning to me than the day we got married as it was the day that changed my life forever. Being married hasn't changed our lives in any way, shape or form. I do like being able to call DH my DH, and my rings never come off. But, before we got married, I suggested to DH that we just unite under one name and buy a 'commitment' ring. He wouldn't stand for it but I would have been perfectly happy with that. I know, and knew before we got married, that DH and I were committed to each other for life, I didn't feel the need to get up and declare our love to each other in front of our family and friends. After a decade, children, and mortgages the writing was already on the wall, and the lovey dovey romantic stuff wasn't a part of our wedding...I'm pretty private when it comes to that kind of stuff. I'd rather just tell DH how much I love him when it's just the two of us together and we can share a private moment.
If something happened to DH and I, I wouldn't get married again unless it was super important to the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
I think being married to my husband matters to me. Our rings matter, the wedding mattered, my dress mattered.
We were together 5 years before we became engaged and have been together for 18 years now, married for 13 this year and I just love being his wife.
I love him and I wanted to be married to him with every ounce of my being. I wanted to say the words and have him say them to me.
I wanted the celebration with my family and dear friends.
If something happened between DH and I, I don't think I'd ever marry again because for me it wasn't so much about marriage as a concept, it was about wanting to me married to him.
I don't know if that makes much sense!
Last edited by misskittyfantastico; 23-01-2016 at 22:03.
Well dh and I have been together 11 years and are not married, it has never been a priority in my life. We own our house, have 3 children and are very committed and I have never felt the need to be married. People often seem confused by this and find it odd that I don't care, but I just don't.
Dh wants to get married one day and I have told him that I will if he wants and he always says 'but I want you to WANT it, I want it to be important to you'.. Well, that's just something I can't fake as he knows me too well.
I was never worried about marriage.
My DH has been married and divorced and then in a fairly horrific manipulative relationship which he tried to get out of many times.
When we met after all that, he was fairly jaded about marriage and I never cared about it.
We decided to have DS without a discussion about marriage. I knew we were committed.
However, when DH proposed in the birth suite after DS was born, it felt right to say yes. But not in a "couldn't go on living if we didn't get married" kind of way. Just in an "I love my boys and we're a family" kind of way. Maybe more traditional than I realised.
not traditional in some ways. DH and I walked down the aisle together rather than my dad waking me. I'm unlikely to ever change my name. And we don't have traditional gender roles in our marriage. If anything, there's almost a role reversal.
So I don't know how important marriage is to me. Nowhere near as important to me as my DH is. They're not really the same thing. As a newly wed, I'd say not much has changed except the bling!
I proposed to him because I was sick of waiting! I know he loves me - he's been by my side through richer and poorer, sickness (I mean the man was going to give me his kidney!) and health.
I wonder what would've happened had I not initiated the discussions.
For me it was an important step in commitment we took. It was something I wanted to do before children.
We met young 16 and 20 and waited 4 years before getting engaged and moving in together. Been together 10 years this year. Married 4 years ago.
Last edited by ~Marigold~; 23-01-2016 at 23:07.
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!