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  1. #11
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    Thanks for the hug Adorned. One straight back at you by the sounds of it! Hope you are travelling okay.

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    AdornedWithCats  (23-01-2016)

  3. #12
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    He is not good. He just wants it to all be over. We are supposed to be going for a day trip to a dam about 120km away tomorrow. Instead he just wants a quiet day away from us. Which is okay, but how long can I leave him on his own? Would it be good for him to be in his own?
    He can't stand being in our new house because he thinks buying it was s massive mistake, and he can't tolerate the kids being loud at the moment, which kids just are. So he might spend the day at his mums house because they are already at the dam.
    I'll just take the kids in my own to the local dam, only up the road. Fa is busting to go.

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    Subbing to respond when I get home...

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    I don't have any experience with bipolar, so feel free to take my thoughts with a grain of salt .

    What do you mean he wants it to be all over (is he suicidal?)

    If you have any concerns about leaving him at home alone, I would suggest taking him to a hospital with a mental health unit and having him assessed. If the kids are stressing him out and he can't even stand being in your home, he may need a hospital stay.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 24-01-2016 at 08:33. Reason: privacy

  6. #15
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    I think he just wants all the unknowing to be over. The not being able to think straight. But yeah, I am worried he might mean not being here any more.

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  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trio View Post
    He is not good. He just wants it to all be over. We are supposed to be going for a day trip to a dam about 120km away tomorrow. Instead he just wants a quiet day away from us. Which is okay, but how long can I leave him on his own? Would it be good for him to be in his own?
    He can't stand being in our new house because he thinks buying it was s massive mistake, and he can't tolerate the kids being loud at the moment, which kids just are. So he might spend the day at his mums house because they are already at the dam.
    I'll just take the kids in my own to the local dam, only up the road. Fa is busting to go.
    Definitely he needs to be seeing a psych...not just a gp. Get him into a proper psych asap. Its not cheap but its so much better than just gp. he need to be monitored regularly.

    I would say (as someone who has been in those down moods) to just let him have his time and keep saying things like 'I love u', 'Thank you for being part of this family' and 'You are so important to us'. I would try to give him space but not leave him alone fykwim. As is, encourage him to come alone but let him have is quiet time to process whats going on inside his head. Encourage him to come along by saying what you guys will be doing. 'Hey, you can fish there', We can have dinner by the dam'...get him excited about what you will do. He will feel better if he goes but cant take that first step. That's what the downs do. They make it hard for you to see forward and hard to see what fun you could have.

    My DH has only now learned how to manage my moods. Remember you are BOTH part of this illness. You need to learn how to deal with the moods as much as he does. Things like what to say and what not to say. Please don't think I'm making it all about him cos I'm not but you are in this together. My DH used to constantly say the wrong things to me when I was down and would just make things worse. We spoke about it and ive realised how I make him feel when I'm down and hes realised what he can do to help.

    Its certainly a learning process for both of u.

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  10. #17
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    He has had a hospital stay before. I was before I met him. I actually think it would be good for him. But he won't go to outpatients. With my pnd my doctor booked me in for two weeks, with the newbie ds. So I know he is willing to do that. And dh has joked about a stay in the mental health centre heaps since we brought the house. So he would go.

  11. #18
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    Loislane, I have spent the afternoon doing just that, he was lying on he bed crying and I lay next to him and told him that I love him, gave him hugs, and was just silent with him while he cried. I told him we can get through it together, we have a plan and we can come out of it he other side. Is that an okay thing to say?

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    I've not read the other replies, but my dh is also bipolar (first diagnosed as type 2, but now assessed as type 1). His diagnosis was after our first ds was born. He also has always had anxiety, but the stress and lack of sleep of having children triggered a major depressive period. Sleep is a major factor for him. I actually find the manic phases hardest as manic doesn't really mean happy. DH would become really agitated.
    My advice is to get a good psychiatrist as it can take a long time to get the medications right. The psychiatrist then sent him to a psychologist to learn cbt and coping mechanisms.
    It's been a really tough few years and it is an illness that never completely disappears, but with a good support network it gets easier. I love my husband, but hate the illness. I wish you all the best x

  13. #20
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    You sound like a very loving wife. I'm sorry to say that this will probably get worse before it gets better. But it WILL get better I promise.

    What your saying is great. Just talk to him about positive things. When I'm down use all of my energy to just be and have nothing left for working things out and having deep conversations.

    Have you spoken about triggers? This is a very important part of recovery and self management.
    My main trigger is tiredness. Its my biggest trigger and the one that will ALWAYS bring me into a down. This is another thing that DH has only just come to realise. He used to get up for work and leave doors open and pretty much make no effort to be quiet. he would just say, meh, you'll be right. This would in turn wake me up and send me down. I need sleep, I love sleep and its very important to maintaining my mood balances. DH now makes heaps more of an effort to not wake me in the morn. Sometimes I still get woken but I'm able to deal with it better as I'm medicated.

    Another thing I share with people to allow them to better understand bipolar is...
    I am NEVER in complete control of my emotions (this is something that your DH is going to have to accept at some point). Most days I am able to keep them in check but days that I am tired or stressed or have a lot of other things going on I'm less able to spend as much effort on keeping them in check. I hope that makes sense.

    Your DH will also need to accept that he cant have the ups because basically the ups are causing brain damage and the damage creates the downs. This took me a very long time to accept. I LOVE being that up person, happy, bubbly, motivated. But I have accepted that if I don't have those crazy highs I don't get the awful lows. I can live with that!!


 

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