sending lots of love to you and your son.
sending lots of love to you and your son.
I have seen your thread over and over and have wanted to say something but wasn't sure what to say. I haven't experienced what you are going through but you sound like an amazingly strong woman. I wish you all the best and may the memory of your little baby boy always live on.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Sending you all of the strength you need to get through it. Do not feel selfish at all to put yourself first and just focus on what YOU need right now.
Thinking of you xo sending you hugs and strength.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Our little boy was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation in 2012. If I may, I'd like to share some advice from my experience. I've only just seen your post so I hope I'm not too late.
* At the hospital take all the time you need in there
* Take pictures. I cannot stress this enough. This is all fresh in your mind right now (and will be for some time), but memories eventually fade. The time you have with him right now is all you have.
* Hold your baby. Some Mums feel afraid to or feel that he's not a 'proper' baby - not true! He is every bit your child, a real baby, just tiny and with some health problems. Treasure your time with him.
* Don't feel obliged to see anyone, talk to anyone, do anything. Right now is your (and your DH's) time to grieve. If they're too selfish to recognise it then they're not worth your time anyway. They'll get over it. Other people will eventually understand at a later stage when you are ready to tell them.
* Don't be ashamed of bursting out crying at the smallest trigger and having "bad days" later down the track. Strangers don't know what you've been through. If you want, tell them something like you've just lost your son. You'll be amazed at the support you'll receive from total strangers, the loss of a child is one of the most painful things a human can experience.
* Try to ignore careless comments, especially from family members. Unless you have experienced it, it is very difficult to understand and comprehend the enormity of what is happening to you.
I really feel for you regarding your situation with your MIL. We had a similar situation, however DH listened to my wishes. I guess one thing you'll have to remember is everyone grieves differently and your DH may be coping better with his MIL around. Perhaps you could spend as much time away from her as you possibly can, ride it out for your DH's sake. In no way do you need to explain yourself as to why you don't want to interact with her or anyone. It took me 3 months before I saw anyone else besides my DH, DD1, and stepchildren.
Perhaps you could explain to DH how much you need him right now, his comfort, strength and stability, and to grieve peacefully without distractions and additional demands.
Last edited by bubbasmama; 03-02-2016 at 15:08.
Thank you for all the amazing support.
Little Harry was born at 1:15 yesterday weighing just 544g. He is absolutely beautiful. We have spent lots of time with him and have some incredible images.
I had a very rough time, the induction caused massive blood loss 2.5l in total and after multiple failed attempts at an epidural I ended up having a cesarean under general anaesthetic. I had a few bags of blood and some iron yesterday and will probably have more blood this arvo as I'm still to dizzy to stand up.
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What a gorgeous name. Sending hugs. xo
Thanks so much for the update. I love his name and I bet he's just perfect. I remember in those early days the moments I could hold him in my arms were the only moments I felt like I could breathe.
That sounds like a horrifying birth. Are they being kind to you at the hospital? Do you have a social worker helping you?
So glad you got to spend time with your beautiful little boy, love his name. I'll bet he's just perfect.
On top of it all the birth sounded really traumatic I hope you've got a soft place to fall after this and be taken care of by those around you.
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