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  1. #51
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    Thanks so much everyone. It is heartbreaking to read so many others with similar experiences, nobody deserves this.

    Your words have been so incredibly comforting.

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    ButterflyMa  (26-01-2016)

  3. #52
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    Just wanted to pop in say in thinking of you this week. xo

  4. #53
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    Well bub has passed away and I will be induced tonight. We are a blur of emotion and not really sure how we feel.

    My grandma passed away on the weekend which is a huge added stress. We need to decide what to tell people because we will now be seeing heaps of my relatives or have to explain why we aren't at her funeral.

    My mother in law showed up yesterday and hasn't left. She is a very odd woman and says very hurtful things. She knows no boundaries and doesn't think about anyone but herself. DH knew I didn't want anyone to stay and he agreed but is now refusing to ask her to leave. She is threatening to stay until the funeral and I just had a huge fight with DH where is called me a horrible ***** for putting him in that position.

    Our baby is going to be born and we are fighting, I know we are really stressed but I can't believe we can't even avoid a fight on such an important day.

  5. #54
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    I am so sorry for your loss, losing your unborn child is the most cruel and horrific thing a parent can face. How awful to also lose your grandma at such a time. I am so sorry that you and your partner are fighting, as you know you are both in such an emotional state and often your emotions are taken out on those closest to you. I know after losing my little girl my partner and I had many blow-ups.

    I'm sorry you have the added stress of dealing with your mother-in-law and can completely understand not wanting to deal with other people's cr@p right now, is it possible your partner feels like he needs his mother around at the moment, or just that he doesn't have the energy to deal with asking her to leave if it is likely to cause further issues?

    As for letting people know, is it possible to delegate to a family member or close friend? When we lost our daughter, my parents/DP's mother let family know as that was the last thing we could deal with.

    I found the midwives were fantastic at tactfully telling well-meaning family members to bugger off when we needed it, I hope you get the same compassionate support.

    I know how scary everything feels right now, I am thinking of you and sending love and strength for your labour and the time you have with your precious little man xxx

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  7. #55
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    My thoughts will be with you tonight. I really hope you get through it all ok. As for your MIL at least she can't stay with you in hospital. I would tell the midwives if you are wanting time alone and/or no visitors and they can play gatekeeper. We're pretty protective of our women, especially in situations like these.

  8. #56
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    So sorry for this happening, such unfortunate timing for your nan to pass away and awful to happen all at the same time as your poor baby. Mil needs to leave if mine came to stay i think but not quite right timing.
    Last edited by wobblermummy; 02-02-2016 at 15:39.

  9. #57
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    Default *trigger warning* preparing for stillbirth

    Oh hon I can't believe you've lost your grandma as well. What a tumultuous time for you.

    My heart breaks for you and I'll be thinking of you tonight. Your baby is going to be so beautiful.

    I'm pretty worried about your MIL being there, particularly if she's living with you. In my support group we talk about 'the cave'. That protective cave of grief that you can disappear into and only emerge from when you're ready. The cave is supposed to be your house. I would not have coped with anyone around at that point. I'm not saying that to stress you out, I'm trying to say that it's normal to need space and that DH really needs to see this as a very important issue.

    As for telling people, I second what others said. Let someone else do it. We actually announced the birth and death on Facebook. We are just so proud of our little man that we wanted to acknowledge him. A secondary benefit was not having to tell anyone.
    Last edited by Sally1981; 02-02-2016 at 15:53.

  10. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    Oh hon I can't believe you've lost your grandma as well. What a tumultuous time for you.

    My heart breaks for you and I'll be thinking of you tonight. Your baby is going to be so beautiful.

    I'm pretty worried about your MIL being there, particularly if she's living with you. In my support group we talk about 'the cave'. That protective cave of grief that you can disappear into and only emerge from when you're ready. The cave is supposed to be your house. I would not have coped with anyone around at that point. I'm not saying that to stress you out, I'm trying to say that it's normal to need space and that DH really needs to see this as a very important issue.

    As for telling people, I second what others said. Let someone else do it. We actually announced the birth and death on Facebook. We are just so proud of our little man that we wanted to acknowledge him. A secondary benefit was not having to tell anyone.
    This. Even if your husband feels he needs his mum around, I think it is more important that if you feel you need to have your house to yourself that you get that. If she wants to stay can't she go to a hotel? I definitely would not have coped with anybody in our house the first few weeks (or month or two), you really need to be free to just feel how you need to feel without worrying about anybody else, especially if they are stressful to be around. Also, my DH was devastated, devastated, by the loss of our daughter but he still coped MUCH better than me and I would also say 'moved on' much faster. Not that you ever really move on, but he was ready to get back to life, work, doing enjoyable things much faster than I was. As a mom, since it's our body, I think we feel so much more guilt which really plays on the grieving process, plus we have our hormones dropping, bleeding, body changing, etc. it's really hard to get to a point where what happened is not dominating your mind every minute of the day. While you're going through all of this you need your space. I genuinely wanted to be left alone, to not talk to most people. We left it to our parents to tell family and I asked a friend to tell other close friends. About 3 weeks later I posted something on Facebook for the people who knew I was pregnant but would not have heard from anyone else.

    I found it really hard dealing with my parents during this time, there were times I felt my mom made it more about her and it turned into me comforting her rather than the other way around, I had no tolerance for that.

    As far as what to have people told. Just say you lost your baby, nobody needs to know anything else.

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  12. #59
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    Just had to say I'm thinking of you and your darling boy tonight, sending love and strength your way.

  13. #60
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    Sending lots of thoughts your way hun during this difficult time. I agree with others, if you feel you need space on your own as a couple to grieve your mil should leave and respect that and your DH needs to support you in whatever you need x x
    Last edited by Heyside; 02-02-2016 at 19:06.


 

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