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  1. #41
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    On top of everything Lady Em has said, something else you may like to consider is the possibility of taking baby home and having the funeral home collect him from there. We did that with our little boy. We had him at home for 24 hours and it meant his sisters got to hold/cuddle him, as well as other family. It was definitely the right thing for us to do.

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to kbf2plus2 For This Useful Post:

    Carpe diem 2013  (26-01-2016),M'LadyEm  (24-01-2016),mummymaybe  (26-01-2016),VicPark  (25-01-2016),Wise Enough  (24-01-2016)

  3. #42
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    I'm so sorry.

    we went through this last year with a similar diagnosis at 22weeks.

    im not sure if you've laboured before, but the pain for me was the same as with my other babies, except the labour was quicker and the pushing was easier. No one mentioned that about 40% of people have retained placenta and need it surgically removed ������

    He looked so peaceful when he was born, im glad he never knew the pain his life would have held. I was very worried about what he would look like and yes, his disabilitys were very obvious, but he was still very cute and could see mine and hubby's features in him. The hospital staff were amazing and helped us do the paperwork and organise cremation and genetic counselling etc. we were not rushed to leave.

    i had heartfelt in and they took the most amazing photos. Get photos ASAP as their colour changes very quickly. My due in group sent me a tiny outfit for him to wear. I spent 24 hours with him in a cold crib (I've noticed someone in a previous post mention this keeps your baby warm, it doesn't, it keeps them cold at 4 degrees so they don't decompose to quickly) but left after as his colour started to change. I went back to see him 4 days later and he still looked really good.

    the wait between choosing to let him go and delivering is the most soul destroying thing I've ever been through. Just remember that you are suffering so your baby will never have too, it's really not much of a choice is it.

    we had him cremated and I've kept his u/s photos and heartfelt pics along with some other things (nameband etc) and ashes in a memory box. no one really talks much about these things, but there are some support groups online and through the hospitals for people that have walked this road.

    Wishing you you a smooth delivery and peace with your 'choice'. Xx
    Last edited by duck07; 24-01-2016 at 21:44.

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  5. #43
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    Sorry that was me who said warming instead of cooling with the special cot. My apologies, it is cooling.

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    duck07  (25-01-2016)

  7. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by M'LadyEm View Post
    What an awful thing to face. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things you'll ever face. Depending on where you deliver will depend on services offered.

    Absolutely get hand and footprints taken. Even if you don't want to look at them straight away, you'll have them for when you do.

    Absolutely get photos taken. If you don't want them straight away then you can always put them away for later. For what it's worth we keep all our photos indefinitely. We've had a woman call up in tears after she lost her baby photos in a house move. We were able to put them on a CD for her, even though her baby was born sleeping years before. Regardless of professional photographer, get the midwives to take some too.

    Ask if there's a bereavement midwive/team. They will be able to provide you with insurmountable emotional support as well as practice support. They'll be able to help you wade through the paperwork, as will the social workers.

    Your baby will look perfect, just tiny. He may be quite red in colour, but that's just because he's early. Depending on how long he's been sleeping before he's born will affect the integrity of his skin. Their skin is so fragile so they can get skin tears so easily. But the midwives should be very good at gently wrapping baby to 'hide' the worst of it for when you first see bub, but should also be good at explaining to you exactly what bub looks like so you're not surprised/shocked by anything.

    At 24weeks the umbilical cord is so fragile. They will likely give you a syntocinon injection at delivery to help the placenta separate, but as its so delicate we can't use cord traction to help deliver the placenta at risk of the cord snapping. There is a higher risk of retained placenta because of this.

    To bring to hospital:
    - warm clothes
    - anything you want for baby ie a toy to go with baby wherever he goes, a nice wrap you want him wrapped in etc.

    To stop your milk coming in, ask for Dostinex. Also, firm supportive bras (wire free) and as little breast stimulation as possible afterwards.

    Baby can stay with you as long as you like. Hopefully you'll have access to a cold cot so you can keep baby in your room all the time (if that's what you want). It's a special cot to help keep babies core temp down so that he stays in the best condition possible for you.

    You will also need to organize a funeral for baby. It will be one of the hardest things you do, but unfortunately is necessary.

    If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me. I haven't done any bereavement work for awhile, but I'll help you as much as I can. x

    ETA if there's anyone you want to meet bub, let them know. People won't want to come and see you from fear of you not wanting to see them. If it's important to you, tell them so they can prepare themselves too.
    Thank you that was all really helpful. I'll send you a few questions in a PM.

  8. #45
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    Oh mummymaybe I am so sorry to read this, i have no words, thinking of you hun. I haven't read all of this thread so this might have been mentioned but makesure you contact SANDS they were the best support to my cousin when she went through something similar.

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  10. #46
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    @mummymaybe I have not been through what you are going through but just wanted to add my heartfelt sympathy to you and your DH. Take care of each other and do what you need to to get through this time. We'll be thinking of you x

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  12. #47
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    I read this the other day and while it doesn't feel right for me to post here because I have not experienced still birth and you're looking for advice but I couldn't not pass on my sympathies and biggest hugs. I'm so sorry.

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  14. #48
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    Mummymaybe keepsakes are such a personal thing. I know of a beautiful business that makes lovely jewelry out of baby hair, small pieces of umbilical cord or dried placenta and from loved ones ashes. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but this company might be worth a look for you. It's called Beyond the Willow Tree. Sending you much love. Xxx

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  16. #49
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    Sending you lot's of Op, I am so very sorry.

    I know a beautiful Photographer in Brisbane who volunteered for Heartfelt. I also know of 'Saying Goodbye' group which you may want to look up.

    Sending you and your Husband so much love and thoughts.

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  18. #50
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    Oh no no no....I'm so unbelievably sorry you're losing your precious baby boy, I can't even imagine what you're going through. Sending you so much love and wishes of strength to get through what is to come. I'm completely and utterly heartbroken for you and your DH @mummymaybe 😔😞😢 Xxx

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