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  1. #71
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    Please take your child to a professional. I do not think your GP can help you in this case. Check what options you have in your local children hospital. Call them and make an appointment ( most of them have different unit for child s abuse). They have people trained to talk to child like yours, very young kids.
    Please also find someone you can talk to, you and your DH need professional help, for you guys to face this very difficult time as well as for help your DD.
    Let the professionals can make the decision on whether to report or not. If it they think it should be reported, they will do it. Do not feel guilty about it. Take care of yourself.

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    VicPark  (21-01-2016)

  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    ?
    Time to stop talking to your hubby and his family who seem hell bent on sweeping the 15 year olds actions under the rug. Time to talk to the authorities who are probably the only ones who have a chance at both protecting any innocent kids as well as rehabilitating the 15 year old (if that is even possible which I doubt).

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  5. #73
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    Dh said being 15 and obviously not being right in the head he didn't want to do anything that would make him go over the edge. We don't know what he's capable of, suicide? Running away? Shutting down completely? He opened up and told the truth only because dh didn't threaten him and spoke to him caringly. Believe me he needs a psychologist and my bil is out of his depth, he needs more than a talking to somethings going on with that boy and I want to talk to my bil again and tell him that he can't solve his sons issues or that there's a reason or answer, wether he was abused himself or not he still needs help to address his own need to abuse. Lots of people get abused and don't become the predators when they grow up so this is not so simple like oh he was abused that's why he did this. No!
    Anyway, there's still a lot to process, this isn't over and I'm still unsure what to do with dd. The counsellor told me taking her to the dr going to the police etc etc can be very traumatizing in itself, and right now I don't feel she needs counseling, her behavior is normal, we talked about this, she's happy, she's safe and I know she feels comfortable talking to me and I'm listening. If anything changes in that regard then I will get help, I was told to monitor her and that's what I'll do. things may still change, my feelings may change, the situation could still escalate.
    Maybe I need the counseling, my anxiety is sky high my insides feel like they're burning. I'm still quite traumatized because I know the gravity of it, and it happened on my watch. I should have protected her, I'm kicking myself so bad.
    Can I also say how proud I am of dd? She was so brave, she followed her instincts, her little 4 year old brain told her this is a bad person and I don't feel good and I need to keep away. Then to tell me exactly what happened. I'm amazed. I never said anything about my abuse to anyone, some pretty bad things happened. I always blamed myself growing up, I felt dirty and disgusted and I was also only 4. It wasn't until I was an adult that I understood. If what happened to me had happened to her, like in the same way, I don't think I would of coped. And it could of because children can't protect themselves and I'm absolutely gutted knowing that I didn't protect her from it. That kid should never have stayed here and I should never have left them upstairs alone, I should of had them in my sight at all time. I'm so stupid

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  7. #74
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    Default WARNING TRIGGER - Very Sensitive Post

    Hun you are NOT stupid. Your hubby and his brother are though for thinking they can handle your nephews deep issues in house. Your DH is NOT best places to interviewed and prescribe a course of action for the 15 year old. Time for your DH to stop playing detective.
    Last edited by VicPark; 21-01-2016 at 21:34.

  8. #75
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    Dh isn't talking to X he only spoke to him once. He's talked to his brother a few times today and what's going to happen with X and what his father decides to do is not known yet. But I won't be letting it go. Dh was only concerned about our dd her safety and well being and we know she's happy and safe. Like I said I won't do anything that will traumatized her more, if the need arises I will, and things may change. I'll be deciding that. I don't give a stuff about X bil or his family, X could jump off a bridge right now and I wouldn't sneeze. I won't be traumatizing my daughter and put her through the ringer so I can force him to get help, do you know what I mean? I'm not going to do all this stuff that could hurt my child just because I want X to get punished or get the help he needs. My concern at this hour is my child and doing right by her. This is the course of action I'm taking and I won't do anything more to hurt her. Not for anyone.

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  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    Dh isn't talking to X he only spoke to him once. He's talked to his brother a few times today and what's going to happen with X and what his father decides to do is not known yet. But I won't be letting it go. Dh was only concerned about our dd her safety and well being and we know she's happy and safe. Like I said I won't do anything that will traumatized her more, if the need arises I will, and things may change. I'll be deciding that. I don't give a stuff about X bil or his family, X could jump off a bridge right now and I wouldn't sneeze. I won't be traumatizing my daughter and put her through the ringer so I can force him to get help, do you know what I mean? I'm not going to do all this stuff that could hurt my child just because I want X to get punished or get the help he needs. My concern at this hour is my child and doing right by her. This is the course of action I'm taking and I won't do anything more to hurt her. Not for anyone.
    Totally understand OP. Wish I had a mum like you advocating for me when I was young,

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  12. #77
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    Hi, Take your time, do what ever you can to protect your DD. Unfortunately, reporting and going through legal process is not a easy path. Get some professional help for you (find the available services in your area as this is a very specific area and only very few experience professionals available). From what I understand, even if you report there is no guarantee X will get any help. The police could not even talk to him (he is under 16) at the initial stage for a case like this. As the councillor said, it is your DD who has to face team of professionals at first. They will decide after evaluating your concerns as well as DD what options you have. Once you start court proceedings, police will contact your bil. You might not want to proceed after initial evaluation as that's what happen in most cases and X might not get any help other than having record on his name.
    At this stage, seek professional help for you. May be pass kids help line number to X so that he can talk to some one ( they can do online chatting as young people these days prefer social media).
    Take care.

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  14. #78
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    dear oela. please don't beat yourself up about this happening. you were being totally responsible, there is not one thing you could have done to prevent this happening. you thought you could trust your nephew, and your children were under your roof. you have done nothing wrong. you are now doing everything as best you can with keeping your daughter safe and happy. you are watching and aware of any changes she might have. you are alert to the possibility so this situation will never happen again. you have done your very best, and I am so sorry this has happened, but you have no reason to feel you are to blame. hugs, marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    dear oela. please don't beat yourself up about this happening. you were being totally responsible, there is not one thing you could have done to prevent this happening. you thought you could trust your nephew, and your children were under your roof. you have done nothing wrong. you are now doing everything as best you can with keeping your daughter safe and happy. you are watching and aware of any changes she might have. you are alert to the possibility so this situation will never happen again. you have done your very best, and I am so sorry this has happened, but you have no reason to feel you are to blame. hugs, marie.
    Exactly. The only thing that could have been done to prevent it would be to never ever leave her kids sides. That is unpractical and not in the kids' best interests long term.

    It happened and your DD was able to recognise it was wrong and told you. That's huge! That's great parenting there! You have taught her bodily autonomy, and she actually listened and got it! At 4! You listened to her, told her it was not her fault, you made her feel proud she told you. You didn't sweep it under the carpet. You sought advice from your peers and from trained professionals (bravehearts) who deal with these things all the time. You are keeping your dd best interests in mind with every step you take.

    As hard as it is you have no reason to blame yourself.

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  18. #80
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    Thanks so much everyone you've been so supportive and amazing, I really needed the help and you helped me thank you so much! I might talk to someone again, I want to call bravehearts but I need a day when the kids aren't here. I'm feeling quite depressed and anxious, I'm not coping It's coming and going one minute I'm fine the next minute I'm crying, I guess it'll take time to heal now for all of us, but I want to stay strong and not let the kids feel the change in ME. I'll keep you posted on how things are going

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