+ Reply to Thread
Page 7 of 10 FirstFirst ... 56789 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 96
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    4,222
    Thanks
    894
    Thanked
    3,219
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Wow OP, I just want to say how impressed I am at how you've handled this. Well done. You have been such a fantastic advocate for your DD.

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to CMF For This Useful Post:

    FirstTimeMummy2012  (22-01-2016),Kellbell85  (21-01-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (21-01-2016),Mykidsaremylife  (21-01-2016),VicPark  (21-01-2016)

  3. #62
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,860
    Thanks
    5,068
    Thanked
    4,447
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week

    Default WARNING TRIGGER - Very Sensitive Post

    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    Thanks everyone. I spoke to dh again, he already spoke to his brother, he was very shocked and said that this has never happened before and he will talk to X when he gets home from work. Dh said he wants to let his brother deal with his son and he is not letting it go, but he wants to keep calm and level headed about it. X certainly won't be coming here again or will be around dd and at least his brother knows and is aware, will this make a difference I don't know? I don't know what his brother will do about it. It's hard for dh and I get his position, it's hard for me too, I've known this kid since he was born I was at the hospital! We spent a lot of time with him and I feel so betrayed. I'm not sure about the police now, I really don't know if that's the right thing to do I don't want to ruin his life over it but I want him so scared and I want him to feel so ashamed that he never ever dares to do this again and that there are very serious consequences, he will never get away with it. Dh said all I want is blood and not to act on emotion, he's 15 and he has a dad that needs to deal with him first. I'm confident nothing else happened, I think she would have told me, she told me exactly what happened (she's very mature for a 4 year old) and he told dh how it happened which was exactly what dd said.
    I think I need professional advice. I don't want to fight with dh and go behind his back get police involved and cause a big storm. I don't think he is doing the wrong thing by how he's chosen to handle it or doing anything to hurt dd, I know he's protecting her and this will never happen again, he loves her just as much as me and he's hurt by this. A lot
    I will call that number or any others you recommend and get some advice. I think if I'm still feeling this way I will call my bil myself and see what he's doing, I don't care if me and dh fight about it because it will eat at me and I will resent dh. So it's better we bicker about it now but I do what I 'need' to do.
    But what about when your DD is a teenager? She won't always be in your sight. What's stopping him from doing the same again then when she is 15 and he is 26??

    Your DD is 4, she will likely remember this. What happens when she remembers and she's older and she knows her parents didn't report the perpetrator? What would that do to her self esteem and her relationship with you and your DH?

    Oops, just saw your latest post. Ignore me.
    Last edited by A-Squared; 21-01-2016 at 13:14.

  4. #63
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    15
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    No they will never be in the same house again, he's barred, no family parties Christmas nothing. I'll keep her home with me thank you.
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    Am I now overreacting?

  5. #64
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    572
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked
    582
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    No they will never be in the same house again, he's barred, no family parties Christmas nothing. I'll keep her home with me thank you.
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    Am I now overreacting?
    IMO, I don't think you're overreacting. It's shocking what can happen when a child molester is protected by family. I'll PM you.

  6. #65
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,612
    Thanks
    2,724
    Thanked
    864
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    No they will never be in the same house again, he's barred, no family parties Christmas nothing. I'll keep her home with me thank you.
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    Am I now overreacting?
    No you are not overreacting. Stop talking to his family about it, refuse to enter into any dialogue with them if they are making this worse for you.

    I can understand them wanting to help him and people always want to know why.

    But....you need support and your DHs main concern should be you and your DD. If you aren't getting any help call Bravehearts again and ask for some numbers for someone (or a service) who can offer you support.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to PomPoms For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny  (22-01-2016)

  8. #66
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    608
    Thanks
    25
    Thanked
    277
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    No they will never be in the same house again, he's barred, no family parties Christmas nothing. I'll keep her home with me thank you.
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    Am I now overreacting?
    You are not over reacting. If I were you, I would have reported it, you don't necessarily have to press charges but having it on record would be a smart choice. Say DD brings it up in a few years, you'll be asked why you didn't report it. Plus if God forbid he does this to another child, there's already a mark on his name. Who cares if it taints his name and record, he shouldn't have bloody done it. I have no sympathy for him. It scares me to think that his family are some what defending him?! WTF!!
    Is he in contact with other children? Maybe this isn't his first time. I feel sick thinking about it.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to babymummatobe For This Useful Post:

    Lillac  (23-01-2016)

  10. #67
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,860
    Thanks
    5,068
    Thanked
    4,447
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    No they will never be in the same house again, he's barred, no family parties Christmas nothing. I'll keep her home with me thank you.
    Right now I'm not getting any support, it seems everyone is more concerned about X such as why he did this, what happened to him and they're saying dd is ok that's the main thing BUT they have to look at both sides and their concern is him and his issues. He made a mistake he's sorry he's embarrassed and he's just a kid too.
    So now I'm even more infuriated, I think I need to stop talking to his family about it. Wth?
    I even started asking if he's in contact with other children has he done this before and I'm being told off not to make assumptions. Sooooo yeah. This is a pretty sht response from 'family'
    I think if dh comes home and says the same thing to me I will divorce him.....
    Am I now overreacting?
    I think if he mentions the same thing I would be furious but would talk to him about why that's so inappropriate to say and not the case and if after explaining why it's not okay and he still says the same thing - after hearing reason from you then divorce is not over reacting.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to A-Squared For This Useful Post:

    LoveLivesHere  (21-01-2016)

  12. #68
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,244
    Thanks
    2,507
    Thanked
    1,249
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hi Hun
    I'm so sorry you and your DD have gone through this. I am so impressed with how you have handled yourself so far, you are doing everything you can to make sure your DD feels safe and supported. The only thing I would be doing differently is to speak to the police. It's important you get it on record because if she mentions it to someone who is a mandatory reporter (her teacher for example) then you will be looked at pretty closely for not reporting it yourself. Also, by reporting it the authorities can make sure X gets the counselling etc that he clearly needs and it will show your DD that you are 100% on her side - even when a situation concerns family. I hope your DH can open his eyes to where this could have gone and start supporting you.

  13. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LaDiDah For This Useful Post:

    Lillac  (23-01-2016),LoveLivesHere  (21-01-2016),Mod-Degrassi  (21-01-2016),MrsA2B  (21-01-2016),PomPoms  (21-01-2016),SuperGranny  (22-01-2016)

  14. #69
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    6,718
    Thanks
    3,789
    Thanked
    3,838
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 14/11/14100 Posts in a week
    When you called brave hearts did they say if it was put on record?

    For what it's worth I think you should talk with bil again. I'm guessing he is in a world of pain right now and his initial reaction of wanting to believe his son is natural. If you were to speak to bil maybe you could bring up your concerns about wanting to do what is right by your dd and the repercussions should she question why you didn't report it to the police etc.. Maybe you could ask what their intentions were in regards to dealing with things. Explain you are concerned about his future, his past, why it's happened in the first place, the possibility of it happening again to another child. Hopefully they are going to do counseling for him at the very minimum. If that's not the case and it seems they are going to sweep it under the carpet then that's when I would likely take it further. A simple telling off is not suffice.

    I think brave hearts have given great advice for how to go forward from here with your DD.

    I really hope things work out for the best. Another thought though, is it worth you and your dh seeking counseling as well? It is a bombshell of a situation and I'm sure you will both be grieving loss of family and trust at the very least.

  15. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to DesperatelySeekingSleep For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (21-01-2016),gingermillie  (21-01-2016),hksl  (21-01-2016),SuperGranny  (22-01-2016),Wise Enough  (21-01-2016)

  16. #70
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    4,791
    Thanks
    8,052
    Thanked
    4,143
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Op you and your DH have done an amazing job at supporting your daughter.
    You're doing such a good job at staying strong. It must be hard.
    Of course it would be easier to justify it (like X and family seem to) as a silly teenage mistake or that your DD is some kind of 4 y/o temptress or curios kid (how absurd)
    It was abuse. And who knows what might have happened next. Maybe nothing, but who knows?
    Please get some professional advice. Bravehearts is a start - please keep trying.
    Otherwise a child psych
    Failing that, call child protection (usually they have a 1800 intake number. They do in vic anyway) and speak to the intake worker anonymously and ask advice.

    There's a theory about working with victims of abuse called response based practice or response based therapy. There's a whole lot of parts of it but ones that strike me as relevant here are that firstly, the first response a victim gets, shapes their actions and feelings about the incident and themselves from there on. So it's great that you and your DH immediately believed her. Didn't second guess her or try and trip her story up.
    But also that the language used about violence and abuse serves to minimise the impact. What the family are doing is just that, trying to minimise the issue. Trying to avoid laying blame where it lies - with X

    Show your daughter that this won't just be swept under the rug for the sake of family.
    One day, you and your Dh and most importantly your DD may choose to forgive X, but I would imagine if that's even possible, it would only happen if responsibility is taken and appropriate consequences and support occur.
    I feel like someone needs to work with X To determine how far these feelings go. And whether he is any risk to anyone else. If his family just talk to him and then try and forget it, that will never happen.
    I wish you and your family all the very best xx

  17. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to TheGooch For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (21-01-2016),CakeyMumma  (21-01-2016),hksl  (21-01-2016),Lillac  (23-01-2016),SuperGranny  (22-01-2016),VicPark  (21-01-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. *Trigger Warning* DV witness
    By Frankenmum in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 18-11-2015, 15:45
  2. *trigger warning* 15/10/15
    By NoteToSelf in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 15-10-2015, 09:54
  3. Replies: 28
    Last Post: 06-05-2015, 20:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
GymbaROO
GymbaROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. Classes are available Australia-wide. Enrol today & help your child to reach their full potential. Visit the website to find out more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!