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  1. #51
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    Cuddle your daughter tight. She knows you love her and are there for her and that counts for a hell of a lot xx

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  3. #52
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    Hmm put her leg on his? Maybe he wanted access to between her legs?

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    Nemmi1987  (20-01-2016)

  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Hmm put her leg on his? Maybe he wanted access to between her legs?
    That's a pretty distressing assumption to make before the OP.

    OP I'm sorry to read of your situation xx

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  7. #54
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    What an awful situation. I really feel for you 😔 I'd definitely speak to a professional its not something you can just forget about, it needs to be dealt with properly and your dh needs to realise this.

    The kiss itself is completely out of line but the fact that he asked your dd not to tell rang big alarm bells for me. He knew exactly what he was doing and that it was very wrong.

    I'm so sorry op big hugs xx

  8. #55
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    I understand your confusion. When I was 13 (I'm female) and my cousin (male) was 19 he tried to do a lot of stuff to me (kissing plus more including menacing sexual stuff) and he did do sexual stuff to my sister who was 11 at the time.

    At the time I handed it myself by yelling at him so loudly so that others came running.

    This came up years later and he denies it all to this day because no one in our very Lutheran family at the time had a clue what to do about it/him.

    He is a creepy piece of work to this day and is also a Pastor in a church.

    Bottom line: if you're not sure what to do about him, ring a professional and seek advice. Don't do nothing because it's a very uncomfortable situation (you sound far more responsible than that anyhow).

    I'm sorry this happened to your child. To you as a mother. And to your family.

  9. #56
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    Default WARNING TRIGGER - Very Sensitive Post

    Quote Originally Posted by babyblu11 View Post
    That's a pretty distressing assumption to make before the OP.

    OP I'm sorry to read of your situation xx
    Yes it's a horrible thought. But given they are deciding how far to take this, I think they need to be aware his intentions might have been to take it much further.

    It's probably only the fact the OP has been on top of body safety that it stopped where it did.

    I think VicPark gave the best advice. Cuddled her tight.

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    SoThisIsLove  (21-01-2016),TheGooch  (21-01-2016)

  11. #57
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    It is a horrible place to be in, you want to do right thing for your daughter without completely ruin his life. I just do not know where you are, in SA this is the contact numbers you can talk to.
    http://wch.sa.gov.au/services/az/div...rot/index.html
    Even if you are not in SA, contact wch team and ask what you can do. Or you contact health care term at your local children hospital you might able to get better advice.
    It would be better to contact health care professional first as they have trained staff to advice you what to do. As far as I am I aware, they only have limited number of trained professional to talk to children under 5. Make that call soon as it can take a while to find someone to talk to your child. You can talk to them without giving all the details, like you have some concerns and would like to talk someone to talk to your daughter. If the investigation confirm your concerns, they have to contact police and it will become police investigation (in SA, no idea how system works in other places).

    It is not a easy path, but from what you have written, it is a path I would take.
    In the event that the police get involve yes, his name will be in their records.
    You have strength to do it, give that first call to health care professionals in your area.

  12. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    I want to take her to the dr tomorrow now, dh will think I'm over reacting but my mind is racing, I need to be sure nothing else happened. How can I be sure? I'm so naïve to think I would know, ofcourse I wouldn't how could I? omg she's in my bed tonight I won't even leave her side I just want to cry
    I can't imagine how difficult it is for a survivor to see her child go through something somewhat similar.

    So far, you are doing all the right things. A decent support base can be the difference between a moment destroying someone's life and a person moving past it and creating a good life for themselves. Your daughter won't have to go through what you did because you are her mum. Call a professional and ask what the next step is.

    ***paragraph deleted***
    Last edited by hopeful1986; 21-01-2016 at 10:45.

  13. #59
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    It's been a stressful day so far, I was calling bravehearts this morning but no one was answering or calling me back, I had a talk with dh early in the morning and told him I wanted to take her to the dr and I have to make sure I e supported her through this etc etc. so he completely agreed with me and told me to do what I thought was right. Then his brother called him, dh told me to call him because X was saying something different and he wanted to know exactly what dd told me. So I called him and explained what happened and his response infuriated me, X blamed dd that she wanted to kiss him, then bil said maybe dd had a crush on X blah blah I hit the roof and just went off. Then I called their sister and told her what happened, I was just so angry.
    Called bravehearts again and I spoke to someone and calmed down, she have me a lot of advice and reassurance, in my response to dd, how I supported her, her behavior what to look out for and even about counseling the dr etc. for now we just monitor her.
    So anyway, dh talked to his bil again and made him realize what he said to me was wrong and he's agreed. He said this is new to him and he's in shock so he's also still processing it. Bil called dh again just before and said he spoke to X again this time X admitted to all of it and he's very embarrassed and sorry and was crying etc. bil wants to apologize to me and he wants X to apologize. I said no. He won't be seeing or speaking to me dd or ds ever again, I don't want to speak to bil again. He is blaming himself for never talking to him about these things and he's going to get help. X has a strange way of thinking in many areas, he has issues at school and I get all that, all the more reason he needs help. I said regardless of all that, it's no excuse.
    I've done what I need to do, my only concern is dd, the counsellor at bravehearts gave me all the advice I needed and dd is doing well, she's happy she's herself she feels safe and comfortable to talk to me. I'm going to keep her close and monitor any behavioral change, the lady said even her just getting this out knowing I believed her and acted on it straight away and made her safe is enough, but every child is different so to monitor. Also the Gp may not examine her as it's very evasive and will most likely tell me to also monitor her behavior.
    Thanks again everyone, it's a very testing and emotional time, my worst nightmare as a mother I'll keep you updated because I think after today a need a rest from this

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  15. #60
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    Hi Oela, I am glad you made that call. It is really unfortunate what parents has to undergo when a thing like this happen. Take care of your little girl. Take care of yourself.

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