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  1. #21
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    Default WARNING TRIGGER - Very Sensitive Post

    .
    Last edited by A&S; 20-01-2016 at 16:06.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    I'm get where your dh is coming from. I kind of agree with him but I also understand where your coming from. It could also signal abuse x has experienced or is experiencing.

    I think let your dh talk with his brother and then go from there. If you want it documented maybe you could visit your gp? Maybe ask it be documented but also state you are going to push for x to get counselling and possibly some for your dd if it seems like it is going to be an issue for her.

    I understand the seriousness of what has happened but I have also seen what happens when these things get put on someones permanent record. They grow up physically and mentally and it's a black mark forever against their name.

    While it does involve the safety of other children, imagine if x was your child and things were reversed. I would want to be given the opportunity to deal with things my own way which would absolutely involve counselling and a great deal of conversation regarding boundaries.

    Also the consequences of x being labeled a pedo at school would be huge. Particularly if police are involved.

    On the other hand if, after talking to x dad, it seems this is an ongoing issue or his dad already had concerns then I would push for some form of official intervention, be it police or whatever.

    Im so sorry your dd went through that.


    As said before nurses are legally obliged to report child abuse so I should hope GPs are too.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    I'm get where your dh is coming from. I kind of agree with him but I also understand where your coming from. It could also signal abuse x has experienced or is experiencing.

    I think let your dh talk with his brother and then go from there. If you want it documented maybe you could visit your gp? Maybe ask it be documented but also state you are going to push for x to get counselling and possibly some for your dd if it seems like it is going to be an issue for her.

    I understand the seriousness of what has happened but I have also seen what happens when these things get put on someones permanent record. They grow up physically and mentally and it's a black mark forever against their name.

    While it does involve the safety of other children, imagine if x was your child and things were reversed. I would want to be given the opportunity to deal with things my own way which would absolutely involve counselling and a great deal of conversation regarding boundaries.

    Also the consequences of x being labeled a pedo at school would be huge. Particularly if police are involved.

    On the other hand if, after talking to x dad, it seems this is an ongoing issue or his dad already had concerns then I would push for some form of official intervention, be it police or whatever.

    Im so sorry your dd went through that.
    'A great deal of conversation regarding boundaries ' might work if the age gap between X and Dd was a hell of alot closer (as in 2 years or something), but remember he's 15 and she is 4. No, he needs serious help. A 15 year doesn't experiment with 4 year olds. You're right about the ramification's at school, but again, that's because Dd is only 4 and it's not normal behaviour. Any 15 year old can tell you that.

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  6. #24
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    Default WARNING TRIGGER - Very Sensitive Post

    Quote Originally Posted by Oela View Post
    . I do want to get this on record, but now how do I do that without causing a rift between me and dh? .
    I don't know if you can. I think it's a case of standing your ground, telling your DH to take the blinkers off and see this for the situation it is, letting him know you're going to report it with or without his support and then hoping he will come around.

    Of course how you deliver this message could increase or decrease be chances of DH getting upset. Perhaps you could pass your hubby research on teenagers who abuse children. Or research of the difficulties abused kids face.

    Bottom line though it's probably going to be a case of your hubby choosing to see the big picture and choosing to not have this come between you.
    Last edited by VicPark; 20-01-2016 at 16:16.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by A&S View Post
    As said before nurses are legally obliged to report child abuse so I should hope GPs are too.
    Yeah I know. I kind of feel like that would be the better option than a police car rocking up. Assuming it's dcp or whatever that deal with things. I don't know.

    It's a tough one. I would be torn on what to do myself and I too would want some form of documentation just in case for future reference.

    I keep wondering if it's just a once off, stupid, stupid decision x made that would never ever ever happen again then the consequences of involving authorities could lead to irreversible damages to reputation etc and cause issues within the school and outer community. And also the DD would have to rehash possibly several times to total strangers and possibly cause more anxiety issues in coming forward in future should anything like this or worse happens again.

    But if it's not a once off then he should definitely be put on record. There may be more to x situation.

    It's a really really tough one. I think it comes down to how much trust there is in his dad that the right thing will be done.

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  10. #26
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    @DSS please have a read of the article I posted a few posts back. It is really informative and gives some really good insight into the psychology of child abuse and the actions that are required.

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koarlo View Post
    'A great deal of conversation regarding boundaries ' might work if the age gap between X and Dd was a hell of alot closer (as in 2 years or something), but remember he's 15 and she is 4. No, he needs serious help. A 15 year doesn't experiment with 4 year olds. You're right about the ramification's at school, but again, that's because Dd is only 4 and it's not normal behaviour. Any 15 year old can tell you that.
    That's true.

    I don't know. It's a horrible scenario to be in. I know I would be incredibly upset if I were in op shoes. I think my reaction to what happens next would rely very heavily on how well i knew and how much I trusted the parents to do the right thing.

  13. #28
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    Sorry but you don't once off tongue kiss a 4 year old!

    Regardless of X being family, this should definitely be reported. This is considered sexual abuse and should be dealt with as so. If it was another 15 year old boy in the park who did this to your DD, I'm sure you would be on the phone to the police straight away. Things like this can escalate from kissing to so much more and this could prevent any reoccurrences.

    This is a horrible position to be in, and I am so sorry this has happened to your family and your daughter but you need to follow your gut. Your child's safety and other children's safety is not something to be played around with or second guessed on the chance that X's parents may or may not do something about it.

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  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by A&S View Post
    @DSS please have a read of the article I posted a few posts back. It is really informative and gives some really good insight into the psychology of child abuse and the actions that are required.
    I don't need to. I understand them very well. (Said in a friendly tone)

    I totally agree there should be ramifications but I think it's up to the parents TO BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY (only done in caps to emphasis what I mean. I'm on the app do i don't have access to italics. I'm not yelling it in any way) to do the right thing. If it's apparent they won't and are just going to sweep it under the carpet then that's when I would take it further. But if the parents chose straight away, without any hesitation, that x is to go to counseling or get the police involved then I would much rather that option.

    I'm not saying there should be no consequences. I'm just saying the parents would probably like to have the opportunity to deal with it appropriately.

    Also I agree totally with what hopefully said. Everything. Important to keep dd away from x.

  16. #30
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    Actually the more I think about it the more I think this is something you need expert advice on. We can sit here and say 'call the police' or 'don't call the police, tell his parents' but what you really need is someone who is experienced in this area.

    I'd call Bravehearts, explain the situation and see what they advise as the next step: 1800 272 831.

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