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  1. #61
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    You need to do a pros and cons list of leaving. Bc I don't see a single pro to staying in this marriage. Not one. Ironically you will probably be more financially independent on your own with a decent amount of CS and CL than having no access to any money now. You may be literally single without support, but you are essentially single now anyway - except you have this jerk still living in your house.

    Be strong for your kids. Bc they are clearly desperate for you to leave. Leaving will be hard, but it can't possibly be harder than staying?

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  3. #62
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    Well we have just been arguing for the last 2 hours and he has told me that it's over and he wants a Divorce..

  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    You'll be a selfless goddess in the eyes of your children if you take them away from the toxicity. They will fare so much better if they are no longer subjected to the crap going on between their parents.
    .
    I second this 100%. My hubby worships his mum and she left Dh's abusive father when he was still a toddler. DH loves his dad (and I do too - it's hard to explain) however I would shudder at what probably would have happened if his mum had stayed with his dad. His mum would probably either be dead or a shell of her current self. DH has some minor temper issues however if he would have stayed with a terrible role model like his dad it will be a 1000 x worse. My DH was saved by his mother leaving his father.

    (Note: I still reserve the right to whinge about my MIL for reasons such as being lazy )

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  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Well we have just been arguing for the last 2 hours and he has told me that it's over and he wants a Divorce..
    ****in ********. Is that enough for you to leave?

  7. #65
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Well we have just been arguing for the last 2 hours and he has told me that it's over and he wants a Divorce..
    Serve it to him on a silver platter hun 😃

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Well we have just been arguing for the last 2 hours and he has told me that it's over and he wants a Divorce..
    I don't like advising people to leave, but I would very strongly suggest you make sure you are the first one out of the door. It will do wonders for your self esteem if you are the one to actually leave as opposed to him doing to the walking.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    I don't like advising people to leave, but I would very strongly suggest you make sure you are the first one out of the door. It will do wonders for your self esteem if you are the one to actually leave as opposed to him doing to the walking.
    Agree, I also think the kids need to see you walk not see the relationship end bc he ends it. They not only need to know they are important enough for you to leave, but leaving him will send them important messages for their future relationships.

    I know his type, my closest friend was with one for 2 decades. This 'divorce' threat is simply one to regain control and put you back in your place. Currently he has no reason to leave. He has the bonuses of a single man who spends and does what he wants, but has a wife at home tending to his dinner and house. Pack your bags, phone a women's shelter and walk away from this douche canoe.

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  13. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    Well we have just been arguing for the last 2 hours and he has told me that it's over and he wants a Divorce..
    Do it! He knows you have no self esteem left. Prove him wrong and leave with the kids. Say nothing and leave. There are people who can help you, just ask. At one time or another we have had to swallow our pride and ask for help. No one will judge you, you just need to get out. Do it for your kids, do it for yourself! You are worth so much more!

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  15. #69
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    Default Have you ever been at your worst

    Your failing your kids right now by not taking action. Go go go go .... If you don't do it now I can't see a better time.
    Last edited by lilypily; 24-01-2016 at 21:17.

  16. #70
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    I don't know a whole lot about your story but from what I can ascertain, some of it resonates with me. My estranged husband is a controlling narcissist. Coupled with working in the business for 33 years, so he knows all the tricks of the trade. I'm not saying I was perfect in our relationship & I won't blame him for my behaviour. However, I will say this...a health professional (who was trying to solve our problems) eventually pretty much encouraged me to leave. She didn't want me to be beaten down, and end up being someone who felt they didn't deserve any better. I mean this with no disrespect, but it sounds like your husband has managed to get you to that point. I have not even been married a year and already we are heading for the divorce court. What I will say to you, is that you DO deserve better. If he earns a lot, you deserve a lot in child maintenance (as per above posts). What he chooses to do in his spare time is his decision (again, also mentioned above), but that doesn't make it easier for you.

    I have good days and bad days. I remember the good times we had, but the bad times far out weigh them. And sometimes I fantasise about getting back together (against my better judgement). Thankfully we don't have kids (which was half of our issue...said one thing and did the opposite) so I can't comment too much on that. But I do know I'm not the only woman to have left an abusive relationship & survived. It helps to have a well paying job & a house to fall back on, but it doesn't mean it can't be done.

    You may feel like you don't have friends to debrief with, but there is a whole community of women here willing to lend some support. There is also Lifeline and such if you get desperate as well. But sometimes it just helps to know that you're not alone, that men like him do this kind of stuff to inflict maximum pain (I have been debriefing with some very wise women!) and you can also get a mental health care plan from your GP (also mentioned above).

    I really hope you find the strength to do what is truly right for you & your family. Only you can make that decision though. Just know, there is support out there for you.

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