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  1. #271
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    Quote Originally Posted by CakeyMumma View Post
    Can we just bear in mind that the op has been suffering abuse for 21 years? I get that it's frustrating for everyone to offer advice and it not be taken. I feel the same way and it breaks my heart each time the OP comes back in here. But 21 years is a damn long time. To have spent that long being abused to the point that you can't say day is light and know it to be true? Let's cut her a little slack. Op, please still vent when you need to. People in here are rooting for you and we all want the best for you. I really hope you find the strength you need soon. Be kind to yourself x
    nobody is "frustrated" with the OP, nobody is suggesting it should be easy to leave. nobody is expecting her to just take advice from members of an online forum and leave.

    the questions being asked are ones that are perhaps being posed to get the OP to ask herself.

    and I disagree with codependency as victim blaming.

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  3. #272
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post

    The OP needs support not ridicule. I think that posting on here and admitting things aren't great is a brave step forward.
    I've quoted but only kept the relevant bit and deleted the rest (hope that's ok, let me know if not and I'll edit).

    in no way were my posts ridiculing the OP. I'm actually offended you'd even imply such a thing.

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  5. #273
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    I am a child from an abusive marriage. My mother was with my father for 18 years before she finally couldn't take any more physical or mental abuse. The divorce was messy too. I'm 38 now, they divorced when i was 10...it stays with you as a child through to adulthood, believe me. I really do sympathise for the OP, i really do but l also sympathise for the little kids OP, I really do hope you find the courage.

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  7. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I've quoted but only kept the relevant bit and deleted the rest (hope that's ok, let me know if not and I'll edit).

    in no way were my posts ridiculing the OP. I'm actually offended you'd even imply such a thing.
    My last sentences were not in response to anything you or anyone else had posted. My comments were more a reaction to the direction in which the thread was suddenly heading.

    I have posted sensitive information in forums before at a time when I was not a good headspace. Any slightly negative comment no matter how well intentioned had me in tears. I would hate for the OP to perceive she isn't getting the support she needs and stop posting.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 20-02-2016 at 22:31.

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  9. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by KitiK View Post
    The OP needs support not ridicule. I think that posting on here and admitting things aren't great is a brave step forward.

    The above was written by another member. I get it, I've been there as a child and understand things better as an adult survivor with children. We are seeing the thoughts, feelings and self talk of another human. If it is not possible for you to continue to provide support, guidance and understanding in a very difficult situation, and is frustrating for you personally to not see action - I suggest you unsubscribe to the thread, please don't add unhelpful commentary, it seems to makes the OP question herself, her outlet and her worth, which I think is actually worse for her, not better.
    i'm sorry you feel my input was unhelpful. I feel posts like this are ignorant and dismissive of what I was trying to get across.

    as another poster said, sitting around issuing hugs is going to work up to a point. my posts were to try and pose questions, as an uninvested outsider, for the OP to ask herself. to try and get clarity or maybe see things for herself that she is unable to realise in her current cycle of thinking.

    I'm appalled at the insinuation that my posts are coming from any place other than of compassion and support. what you're suggesting is macabre, that I would sit here and post unkind things to hurt the OP further. I don't know the OP from a bar of soap, what personal gain do I stand to derive from her being upset any further?

    just because I took a slightly different tack and don't think sitting around holding hands and being fuzzy is the way to go does not make me someone who is unhelpful or lacking in compassion. get off your moral high horse.

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  11. #276
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    OP I'm just popping in to say that my parents split when I was an adult. We all know that it should have happened earlier but they stayed together till all the kids left home.
    If you leave your partner you may struggle and your kids may whinge and ***** but in the long run it will be for the best.

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  13. #277
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    My last sentences were in response to anything you or anyone else had posted. My comments were more a reaction to the direction in which the thread was suddenly heading.

    I have posted sensitive information in forums before at a time when I was not a good headspace. Any slightly negative comment no matter how well intentioned had me in tears. I would hate for the OP to perceive she isn't getting the support she needs and stop posting.
    I appreciate where you're coming from. and I wholeheartedly agree. but it's a forum and everyone is going to have their own version of support and input and advice. I get what you're saying but not everyone can/will/should offer the kind of support that you're implying they should. I assumed (perhaps incorrectly?) that people come into a forum to seek out objective counsel from a variety of different people from different walks of life. then to put all that advice together and take from it what they choose to.

    well that's my forum experience anyway.

    nobody is sitting here twisting the knife or attempting to make a bad situation worse for the OP.

  14. #278
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    I'm hoping the OP checks in soon as she is in a highly volatile situation and I'm worried for her

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  16. #279
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    @turquoisecoast, there was nothing in my post that mentioned you or any of your previous posts. I am simply saying we need to provide support.

    I am not ignorant or dissmissive and find it rude that you would directly suggest that from my post.

    Back to supporting the OP thanks.
    Last edited by KitiK; 21-02-2016 at 04:48.

  17. #280
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    How are you OP?


 

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