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  1. #251
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    He got up got dressed and took the 8 year old and 5 year old grocery shopping. ...when he didn't put all of his pay in my account I changed the password on my account so that he could access it when he gets to the checkout he is going to flip. ..and I bet I cop a mouth full when he gets home.

  2. #252
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    He got up got dressed and took the 8 year old and 5 year old grocery shopping. ...when he didn't put all of his pay in my account I changed the password on my account so that he could access it when he gets to the checkout he is going to flip. ..and I bet I cop a mouth full when he gets home.
    yes but what are you going to do about all this.

    we're getting lots of anecdotal updates but you're just relaying information.

    tell us honestly, do you want to leave or do you just wish/hope this will all go away and fix itself?

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  4. #253
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    To be honest fix it's self ....but I'm not stupid I know it won't I know that it's finished.
    It just ****es me off knowing that I have done nothing wrong ...
    He complains that I don't run around and cook and clean and smile sweetly and ask how was you day love when he gets home ...but to be honest it makes me sad and angry and depressed and hurt that I know what he does with the gambling. ..drinking and lying and it makes me not want to play house and smile sweetly at him knowing that he only gives a **** about him ...it ****ing hurts ....

  5. #254
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    Default Have you ever been at your worst

    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    To be honest fix it's self ....but I'm not stupid I know it won't I know that it's finished.
    It just ****es me off knowing that I have done nothing wrong ...
    He complains that I don't run around and cook and clean and smile sweetly and ask how was you day love when he gets home ...but to be honest it makes me sad and angry and depressed and hurt that I know what he does with the gambling. ..drinking and lying and it makes me not want to play house and smile sweetly at him knowing that he only gives a **** about him ...it ****ing hurts ....
    the impression I get from your posts is that you're still very much enmeshed with this guy and his toxic dance. as much as you say you're not, I'm seeing a willing partner here who is engaging with a destructive man. you're both suffering co dependency issues and you need eachother. he needs an enabler and you need someone to "fix".

    I don't believe anything can or will change until you fully realise this and start making changes. you can't extricate yourself from this toxic dynamic until you're really ready. you enjoy the complaining, enjoy the attention you're receiving on here. people are genuinely trying to support you and offer good advice for you to get out of this mess.

    unfortunately I don't see you as being particularly willing or receptive to this advice. for whatever reason, you need this guy to keep telling you you're sh.t. maybe it's what keeps you going each day, I don't know. only you can answer these questions.

    there's a book I recommended a few pages back called women who love to much. it's about co dependency. there are also a lot of audio books and other resources that are very good and discuss codependency etc. I strongly recommend you familiarize yourself with this concept. it may be your first step to breaking out of this pattern.

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  7. #255
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    OP I want you to really think about this question -

    What are you getting out of staying?

    As humans we do everything for a pay off. We work to pay bills. We marry for companionship and to procreate. When you recognise the function for you staying in this toxic relationship that will make the decision easier.

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  9. #256
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    OP have you gotten yourself to a counsellor yet?

  10. #257
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    Can I be honest? Too bad i am going to be anyway. No one wants to see someone in a bad, unhealthy relationship and when children are involved it's worse. But do you want to help yourself and your kids have a better life? You have so many wonderful ladies here giving you advice, wanting you to be happy but it gets frustrating, when we try to offer our help and experiences and it seems to fall on deaf ears. There's honestly no point in flogging a dead horse, if you want to leave, leave him. Sorry to be blunt and I really hope you can leave and not just settle that this is it for you...your kids deserve better and so do you.

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  12. #258
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    I agree with the sentiments now appearing in this thread and I know this has been going on for many years. I've heard your story on here for as long as I've been here which is nearly 5 years. You have so much support here OP, practical support. I know it's important for you to vent and this is partly a space to do that but I think you need to really think about whether you are going to leave. If you are more interested in venting that's fine but just be mindful that people are spending their time to really offer wonderful support. I think you should try to be honest about your intentions and then the awesome bubhub team can really support you properly.

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  14. #259
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    Can we just bear in mind that the op has been suffering abuse for 21 years? I get that it's frustrating for everyone to offer advice and it not be taken. I feel the same way and it breaks my heart each time the OP comes back in here. But 21 years is a damn long time. To have spent that long being abused to the point that you can't say day is light and know it to be true? Let's cut her a little slack. Op, please still vent when you need to. People in here are rooting for you and we all want the best for you. I really hope you find the strength you need soon. Be kind to yourself x

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  16. #260
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    I hope you find the strength to leave. It's in there , deep down where you don't believe it is.....

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