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  1. #111
    kiwimum890's Avatar
    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    He's done lots of things in the past that should've ended the marriage!

    Why are you waiting? Just get out now for the sake of your kids.
    I agree with BigRedV!

    I saw this today OP and thought of you!

    ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1454445807.159380.jpg

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  3. #112
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    I guess I'm having trouble because we have been together for 23 years ...but I no know that when April comes his actions will decide inevitably what happens and I know in my heart it's not going to end well...

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I guess I'm having trouble because we have been together for 23 years ...but I no know that when April comes his actions will decide inevitably what happens and I know in my heart it's not going to end well...
    so 23 years is a reason to stay in an abusive situation? because you've suffered for so long, it means you need to suffer for longer? what, because 23 years isn't long enough?

    I can't believe how you know about something he's going to do so far in advance that you say will end the marriage, yet still you stay. even if he did "prove you wrong" as you say, how does it change all the years of mistreatment and abuse and bad things he's done? why are you allowing the fate of your marriage to rest on some undetermined future event? his track record should be enough to convince you he's a piece of scum and that you're better off without him in your life.

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    I have a feeling you are staying because of your conscience - in that come April your conscience will be clear, because he is somehow at fault, which makes you think in your own head that your mind is then made up and your conscience will be clear and you can then move on.

    I get that, coming from the other end of a separation/divorce. I know in my own head I did try, and in the end it didn't work, so my conscience was clear, that I was free to end it. I get you have to have the correct headspace to make decisions as big as this. But don't try and move it to the side and not think about all these things, because then you are only delaying things. Start thinking about your future, and how things will work and what you want out of it all.

    I went and prepared myself and saw a lawyer before I split. I made the decision, but I was just forward planning LOL. I then had that ticked off my list in my head of things to do and I could start planning an action of what to do next. It did help because it was not so daunting of what was to come next. It was saying see ya later, then what, go see a lawyer. It was the breakup, and I knew what had to be done as the next step.

    Good luck, you can do it. Just keep reminding yourself, you will be much better off in the long run, as you only live once. Make it a happy life for yourself, and your children

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I guess I'm having trouble because we have been together for 23 years ...but I no know that when April comes his actions will decide inevitably what happens and I know in my heart it's not going to end well...
    I hope this does not sound mean or cruel but please don't let him make the decision. Own it. Leave for you and your kids. You need to do it now and not wait for him to maybe do something that plays with your emotions.

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    I suppose to a certain degree with the upcoming event that he has organised I know he is going to be ****ed that I know ....he is going to be ****ed at how I found out and if I bring it up to him now ...I can't help but feel that I am accusing him of something that he hasn't done yet...so I feel that I should keep the information to my self ATM and see what he does and what he says and how he is going to explain his absence to me for that period of time ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I suppose to a certain degree with the upcoming event that he has organised I know he is going to be ****ed that I know ....he is going to be ****ed at how I found out and if I bring it up to him now ...I can't help but feel that I am accusing him of something that he hasn't done yet...so I feel that I should keep the information to my self ATM and see what he does and what he says and how he is going to explain his absence to me for that period of time ...
    I see what you're saying Hun but doesn't he know that you know he's booked a holiday 'by himself'?

    Also just think about whether it matters that he plays the 'I'm not going anything wrong, how dare you accuse me of something falsely?' Guilt trip??

    So what? After everything he's done to you over the years, even if you did falsely accuse him of something - which lets face it isn't the case, it doesn't matter. You will be free of him. Forever! Doesn't that sound appealing? To live life by your own rules, do what you want, when and how you want, your kids will be free of him too, you can be one happy family and no longer live with someone treating you all like utter dirt.

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    He doesn't know that I know ...

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    so he goes and books a vacay got himself like some single bachelor but you feel bad because you know about it?

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    No I just know that as soon as he know that I know he will hit the roof really bad ...because I was snooping that's how I found out ..


 

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